Duke. If Musicke be the food of Loueplay on Giue me excesse of it: that surfetting The appetite may sickenand so dye. That straine agenit had a dying fall: Oit came ore my earelike the sweet sound That breathes vpon a banke of Violets; Stealingand giuing Odour. Enoughno more 'Tis not so sweet nowas it was before. O spirit of Louehow quicke and fresh art thou That notwithstanding thy capacitie Receiueth as the Sea. Nought enters there Of what validityand pitch so ere But falles into abatementand low price Euen in a minute; so full of shapes is fancie That it aloneis high fantasticall
Cu. Will you go hunt my Lord? Du. What Curio? Cu. The Hart
Du. Why so I dothe Noblest that I haue: O when mine eyes did see Oliuia first Me thought she purg'd the ayre of pestilence; That instant was I turn'd into a Hart And my desires like fell and cruell hounds Ere since pursue me. How now what newes from her? Enter Valentine.
Val. So please my LordI might not be admitted But from her handmaid do returne this answer: The Element it selfetill seuen yeares heate Shall not behold her face at ample view: But like a Cloystresse she will vailed walke And water once a day her Chamber round With eye-offending brine: all this to season A brothers dead louewhich she would keepe fresh And lastingin her sad remembrance
Du. O she that hath a heart of that fine frame To pay this debt of loue but to a brother How will she louewhen the rich golden shaft Hath kill'd the flocke of all affections else That liue in her. When LiuerBraineand Heart These soueraigne thronesare all supply'd and fill'd Her sweete perfections with one selfe king: Away before meto sweet beds of Flowres Loue-thoughts lye richwhen canopy'd with bowres.
Enter Violaa Captaineand Saylors.
Vio. What Country (Friends) is this? Cap. This is Illyria Ladie
Vio. And what should I do in Illyria? My brother he is in Elizium Perchance he is not drown'd: What thinke you saylors?
Cap. It is perchance that you your selfe were saued
Vio. O my poore brotherand so perchance may he be
Cap. True Madamand to comfort you with chance Assure your selfeafter our ship did split When youand those poore number saued with you Hung on our driuing boate: I saw your brother Most prouident in perillbinde himselfe (Courage and hope both teaching him the practise) To a strong Mastethat liu'd vpon the sea: Where like Orion on the Dolphines backe I saw him hold acquaintance with the waues So long as I could see
Vio. For saying sothere's Gold: Mine owne escape vnfoldeth to my hope Whereto thy speech serues for authoritie The like of him. Know'st thou this Countrey?
Cap. I Madam wellfor I was bred and borne Not three houres trauaile from this very place
Vio. Who gouernes heere? Cap. A noble Duke in natureas in name
Vio. What is his name? Cap. Orsino
Vio. Orsino: I haue heard my father name him. He was a Batchellor then
Cap. And so is nowor was so very late: For but a month ago I went from hence And then 'twas fresh in murmure (as you know What great ones dothe lesse will prattle of) That he did seeke the loue of faire Oliuia
Vio. What's shee?
Cap. A vertuous maidthe daughter of a Count That dide some tweluemonth sincethen leauing her In the protection of his sonneher brother Who shortly also dide: for whose deere loue (They say) she hath abiur'd the sight And company of men
Vio. O that I seru'd that Lady And might not be deliuered to the world Till I had made mine owne occasion mellow What my estate is
Cap. That were hard to compasse Because she will admit no kinde of suite Nonot the Dukes
Vio. There is a faire behauiour in thee Captaine And though that naturewith a beauteous wall
Doth oft close in pollution: yet of thee I will beleeue thou hast a minde that suites With this thy faire and outward charracter. I prethee (and Ile pay thee bounteously) Conceale me what I amand be my ayde For such disguise as haply shall become The forme of my intent. Ile serue this Duke Thou shalt present me as an Eunuch to him It may be worth thy paines: for I can sing And speake to him in many sorts of Musicke That will allow me very worth his seruice. What else may hapto time I will commit Onely shape thou thy silence to my wit
Cap. Be you his Eunuchand your Mute Ile bee When my tongue blabsthen let mine eyes not see
Vio. I thanke thee: Lead me on.
Enter Sir Tobyand Maria.
Sir To. What a plague meanes my Neece to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to life
Mar. By my troth sir Tobyyou must come in earlyer a nights: your Cosinmy Ladytakes great exceptions to your ill houres
To. Why let her exceptbefore excepted
Ma. Ibut you must confine your selfe within the modest limits of order
To. Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am: these cloathes are good enough to drinke inand so bee these boots too: and they be notlet them hang themselues in their owne straps
Ma. That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night hereto be hir woer
To. WhoSir Andrew Ague-cheeke? Ma. I he
To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria
Ma. What's that to th' purpose? To. Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare
Ma. Ibut hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates: He's a very fooleand a prodigall
To. Fiethat you'l say so: he playes o'th Viol-de-gamboys and speaks three or four languages word for word without booke& hath all the good gifts of nature
Ma. He hath indeedalmost naturall: for besides that he's a foolehe's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath the gift of a Cowardto allay the gust he hath in quarrelling
'tis thought among the prudenthe would quickely haue the gift of a graue
Tob. By this hand they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they? Ma. They that adde moreourhee's drunke nightly in your company
To. With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke to her as long as there is a passage in my throat& drinke in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not drinke to my Neecetill his braines turne o'th toelike a parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms Sir Andrew Agueface. Enter Sir Andrew.
And. Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch? To. Sweet sir Andrew
And. Blesse you faire Shrew
Mar. And you too sir
Tob. Accost Sir Andrewaccost
And. What's that? To. My Neeces Chamber-maid
Ma. Good Mistris accostI desire better acquaintance Ma. My name is Mary sir
And. Good mistris Maryaccost
ToYou mistake knight: Accostis front herboord herwoe herassayle her
And. By my troth I would not vndertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of Accost? Ma. Far you well Gentlemen
To. And thou let part so Sir Andrewwould thou mightst neuer draw sword agen
And. And you part so mistrisI would I might neuer draw sword agen: Faire Ladydoe you thinke you haue fooles in hand?
Ma. SirI haue not you by'th hand
An. Marry but you shall haueand heeres my hand
Ma. Now sirthought is free: I pray you bring your hand to'th Buttry barreand let it drinke
An. Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor? Ma. It's dry sir
And. Why I thinke so: I am not such an assebut I can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest? Ma. A dry iest Sir
And. Are you full of them? Ma. I SirI haue them at my fingers ends: marry now I let go your handI am barren.
To. O knightthou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did I see thee so put downe?
An. Neuer in your life I thinkevnlesse you see Canarie put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no more wit then a Christianor an ordinary man ha's: but I am a great eater of beefeand I beleeue that does harme to my wit
To. No question
An. And I thought thatI'de forsweare it. Ile ride home to morrow sir Toby
To. Pur-quoy my deere knight?
An. What is purquoy? Door not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tonguesthat I haue in fencing dancingand beare-bayting: O had I but followed the Arts
To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire
An. Whywould that haue mended my haire? To. Past questionfor thou seest it will not coole my nature An. But it becoms me wel enoughdost not? To. Excellentit hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope
to see a huswife take thee between her legs& spin it off
An. Faith Ile home to morrow sir Tobyyour niece wil not be seeneor if she be it's four to oneshe'l none of me: the Count himselfe here hard bywooes her
To. Shee'l none o'th Countshe'l not match aboue hir degreeneither in estateyearesnor wit: I haue heard her swear't. Tut there's life in't man
And. Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o'th strangest minde i'th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels sometimes altogether
To. Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?
And. As any man in Illyriawhatsoeuer he bevnder the degree of my betters& yet I will not compare with an old man
To. What is thy excellence in a galliardknight? And. FaithI can cut a caper
To. And I can cut the Mutton too't
And. And I thinke I haue the backe-trickesimply as strong as any man in Illyria
To. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take dustlike mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe to Church in a Galliardand come home in a Carranto? My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by the excellent constitution of thy leggeit was form'd vnder the starre of a Galliard
And. I'tis strongand it does indifferent well in a dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels? To. What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder Taurus? And. Taurus? That sides and heart
To. No sirit is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper. Hahigher: hahaexcellent.
Enter Valentineand Viola in mans attire.
Val. If the Duke continue these fauours towards you Cesarioyou are like to be much aduanc'dhe hath known you but three dayesand already you are no stranger
Vio. You either feare his humouror my negligence that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is he inconstant sirin his fauours
Val. No beleeue me. Enter DukeCurioand Attendants.
Vio. I thanke you: heere comes the Count
Duke. Who saw Cesario hoa? Vio. On your attendance my Lord heere
Du. Stand you a-while aloofe. Cesario Thou knowst no lessebut all: I haue vnclasp'd To thee the booke euen of my secret soule. Therefore good youthaddresse thy gate vnto her Be not deni'de accessestand at her doores And tell themthere thy fixed foot shall grow Till thou haue audience
Vio. Sure my Noble Lord If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow As it is spokeshe neuer will admit me
Du. Be clamorousand leape all ciuill bounds
Rather then make vnprofited returne Vio. Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then? Du. O thenvnfold the passion of my loue
Surprize her with discourse of my deere faith; It shall become thee well to act my woes: She will attend it better in thy youth Then in a Nuntio's of more graue aspect
Vio. I thinke not somy Lord
Du. Deere Ladbeleeue it; For they shall yet belye thy happy yeeres That say thou art a man: Dianas lip Is not more smoothand rubious: thy small pipe Is as the maidens organshrilland sound And all is semblatiue a womans part. I know thy constellation is right apt For this affayre: some foure or fiue attend him All if you will: for I my selfe am best When least in companie: prosper well in this
And thou shalt liue as freely as thy Lord To call his fortunes thine
Vio. Ile do my best To woe your Lady: yet a barrefull strife Who ere I woemy selfe would be his wife.
Enter Mariaand Clowne.
Ma. Nayeither tell me where thou hast binor I will not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enterin way of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence
Clo. Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this worldneeds to feare no colours
Ma. Make that good
Clo. He shall see none to feare
Ma. A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y saying was borneof I feare no colours
Clo. Where good mistris Mary? Ma. In the warrs& that may you be bolde to say in your foolerie
Clo. WellGod giue them wisedome that haue it: & those that are fooleslet them vse their talents
Ma. Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to you?
Clo. Many a good hangingpreuents a bad marriage: and for turning awaylet summer beare it out
Ma. You are resolute then?
Clo. Not so neytherbut I am resolu'd on two points
Ma. That if one breakethe other will hold: or if both breakeyour gaskins fall
Clo. Apt in good faithvery apt: well go thy wayif sir Toby would leaue drinkingthou wert as witty a piece of Eues fleshas any in Illyria
Ma. Peace you rogueno more o'that: here comes my Lady: make your excuse wiselyyou were best. Enter Lady Oliuiawith Maluolio.
Clo. Witand't be thy willput me into good fooling: those wits that thinke they haue theedoe very oft proue fooles: and I that am sure I lacke theemay passe for a wise man. For what saies QuinapalusBetter a witty foole then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady
Ol. Take the foole away
Clo. Do you not heare fellowestake away the Ladie
Ol. Go tooy'are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides you grow dis-honest
Clo. Two faults Madonathat drinke & good counsell wil amend: for giue the dry foole drinkthen is the foole not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himselfif he mend he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannotlet the Botcher mend him: any thing that's mendedis but patch'd: vertu that transgressesis but patcht with sinneand sin that amends is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple Sillogisme will serueso: if it will notwhat remedy? As there is no true Cuckold but calamityso beauties a flower; The Lady bad take away the fooletherefore I say againetake her away
Ol. SirI bad them take away you
Clo. Misprision in the highest degree. LadyCucullus non facit monachum: that's as much to sayas I weare not motley in my braine: good Madonagiue mee leaue to proue you a foole
Ol. Can you do it? Clo. Dexteriouslygood Madona
Ol. Make your proofe
Clo. I must catechize you for it MadonaGood my Mouse of vertue answer mee
Ol. Well sirfor want of other idlenesseIle bide your proofe
Clo. Good Madonawhy mournst thou? Ol. Good foolefor my brothers death
Clo. I thinke his soule is in hellMadona
Ol. I know his soule is in heauenfoole
Clo. The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your Brothers soulebeing in heauen. Take away the Foole Gentlemen
Ol. What thinke you of this foole Maluoliodoth he not mend?
Mal. Yesand shall dotill the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity that decaies the wisedoth euer make the better foole
Clow. God send you sira speedie Infirmityfor the better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no Foxbut he wil not passe his word for two pence that you are no Foole
Ol. How say you to that Maluolio?
Mal. I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other daywith an ordinary foolethat has no more braine then a stone. Looke you nowhe's out of his gard already: vnles you laugh and minister occasion to himhe is gag'd. I protest I take these Wisementhat crow so at these set kinde of foolesno better then the fooles Zanies
Ol. O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolioand taste with a distemper'd appetite. To be generousguiltlesse and of free dispositionis to take those things for Bird-bolts that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander in an allow'd foolethough he do nothing but rayle; nor no raylingin a knowne discreet manthough hee do nothing but reproue
Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasingfor thou speak'st well of fooles. Enter Maria.
Mar. Madamthere is at the gatea young Gentleman much desires to speake with you
Ol. From the Count Orsinois it? Ma I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young manand well attended
Ol. Who of my people hold him in delay? Ma. Sir Toby Madamyour kinsman
Ol. Fetch him off I pray youhe speakes nothing but madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit from the CountI am sickeor not at home. What you willto dismisse it.
Now you see sirhow your fooling growes old& people dislike it
Clo. Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest sonne should be a foole: whose scullIoue cramme with brainesfor heere he comes. Enter Sir Toby.
One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater
Ol. By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the gate Cosin? To. A Gentleman
Ol. A Gentleman? What Gentleman? To. 'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle herring: How now Sot
Clo. Good Sir Toby
Ol. CosinCosinhow haue you come so earely by this Lethargie? To. LetcherieI defie Letchery: there's one at the gate
Ol. I marrywhat is he? To. Let him be the diuell and he willI care not: giue me faith say I. Wellit's all one.
Ol. What's a drunken man likefoole? Clo. Like a drown'd mana fooleand a madde man: One draught aboue heatemakes him a foolethe second
maddes himand a third drownes him
Ol. Go thou and seeke the Crownerand let him sitte o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's drown'd: go looke after him
Clo. He is but mad yet Madonaand the foole shall looke to the madman. Enter Maluolio.
Mal. Madamyond young fellow sweares hee will speake with you. I told him you were sickehe takes on him to vnderstand so muchand therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleepehe seems to haue a fore knowledge of that tooand therefore comes to speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladiehee's fortified against any deniall
Ol. Tell himhe shall not speake with me
Mal. Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at your doore like a Sheriffes postand be the supporter to a benchbut hee'l speake with you
Ol. What kinde o'man is he? Mal. Why of mankinde
Ol. What manner of man? Mal. Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with youwill youor no
Ol. Of what personageand yeeres is he?
Mal. Not yet old enough for a mannor yong enough for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescodor a Codling when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his mothers milke were scarse out of him
Ol. Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman
Mal. Gentlewomanmy Lady calles. Enter.
Ol. Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie. Enter Violenta.
Vio. The honorable Ladie of the housewhich is she? Ol. Speake to meI shall answer for her: your will
Vio. Most radiantexquisiteand vnmatchable beautie. I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my speech: for besides that it is excellently well pendI haue taken great paines to con it. Good Beautieslet mee sustaine no scorne; I am very comptibleeuen to the least sinister vsage
Ol. Whence came you sir? Vio. I can say little more then I haue studied& that question's out of my part. Good gentle onegiue mee
modest assuranceif you be the Ladie of the housethat | I may proceede in my speech
Ol. Are you a Comedian?
Vio. No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie phangs of maliceI sweare) I am not that I play. Are you the Ladie of the house?
Ol. If I do not vsurpe my selfeI am
Vio. Most certaineif you are sheyou do vsurp your selfe: for what is yours to bestoweisnot yours to reserue. But this is from my Commission: I will on with my speech in your praiseand then shew you the heart of my message
Ol. Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you the praise
Vio. AlasI tooke great paines to studie itand 'tis Poeticall
Ol. It is the more like to be feignedI pray you keep it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates& allowd your approach rather to wonder at youthen to heare you. If you be not madbe gone: if you haue reasonbe breefe: 'tis not that time of Moone with meto make one in so skipping a dialogue
Ma. Will you hoyst sayle sirhere lies your way
Vio. No good swabberI am to hull here a little longer. Some mollification for your Giantsweete Ladie; tell me your mindeI am a messenger
Ol. Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office
Vio. It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture of warreno taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe in my hand: my words are as full of peaceas matter
Ol. Yet you began rudely. What are you? What would you?
Vio. The rudenesse that hath appear'd in meehaue I learn'd from my entertainment. What I amand what I wouldare as secret as maiden-head: to your earesDiuinity; to any othersprophanation
Ol. Giue vs the place alone We will heare this diuinitie. Now sirwhat is your text? Vio. Most sweet Ladie
Ol. A comfortable doctrineand much may bee saide of it. Where lies your Text? Vio. In Orsinoes bosome
Ol. In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome? Vio. To answer by the methodin the first of his hart
Ol. OI haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more to say? Vio. Good Madamlet me see your face
Ol. Haue you any Commission from your Lordto
negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text: but we will draw the Curtainand shew you the picture. Looke you sirsuch a one I was this present: Ist not well done?
Vio. Excellently doneif God did all
Ol. 'Tis in graine sir'twill endure winde and weather
Vio. Tis beauty truly blentwhose red and white Natures owne sweetand cunning hand laid on: Ladyyou are the cruell'st shee aliue If you will leade these graces to the graue And leaue the world no copie
Ol. O sirI will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As Item two lippes indifferent reddeItem two grey eyes with lids to them: Itemone neckeone chin& so forth. Were you sent hither to praise me?
Vio. I see you what you areyou are too proud: But if you were the diuellyou are faire: My Lordand master loues you: O such loue Could be but recompenc'dthough you were crown'd The non-pareil of beautie
Ol. How does he loue me? Vio. With adorationsfertill teares With groanes that thunder louewith sighes of fire
Ol. Your Lord does know my mindI cannot loue him Yet I suppose him vertuousknow him noble Of great estateof fresh and stainlesse youth; In voyces well divulg'dfreelearn'dand valiant And in dimensionand the shape of nature A gracious person; But yet I cannot loue him: He might haue tooke his answer long ago
Vio. If I did loue you in my masters flame With such a suffringsuch a deadly life: In your deniallI would finde no sence I would not vnderstand it
Ol. Whywhat would you?
Vio. Make me a willow Cabine at your gate And call vpon my soule within the house Write loyall Cantons of contemned loue And sing them lowd euen in the dead of night: Hallow your name to the reuerberate hilles And make the babling Gossip of the aire Cry out Oliuia: O you should not rest Betweene the elements of ayreand earth But you should pittie me
Ol. You might do much: What is your Parentage? Vio. Aboue my fortunesyet my state is well: I am a Gentleman
Ol. Get you to your Lord: I cannot loue him: let him send no more Vnlesse (perchance) you come to me againe To tell me how he takes it: Fare you well: I thanke you for your paines: spend this for mee
Vio. I am no feede poastLady; keepe your purse My Masternot my selfelackes recompence. Loue make his heart of flintthat you shal loue And let your feruour like my masters be Plac'd in contempt: Farwell fayre crueltie.
Ol. What is your Parentage? Aboue my fortunesyet my state is well; I am a Gentleman. Ile be sworne thou art Thy tonguethy facethy limbesactionsand spirit Do giue thee fiue-fold blazon: not too fast: softsoft Vnlesse the Master were the man. How now? Euen so quickly may one catch the plague? Me thinkes I feele this youths perfections With an inuisibleand subtle stealth To creepe in at mine eyes. Welllet it be. What hoaMaluolio. Enter Maluolio.
Mal. Heere Madamat your seruice
Ol. Run after that same peeuish Messenger The Countes man: he left this Ring behinde him Would Ior not: tell himIle none of it. Desire him not to flatter with his Lord Nor hold him vp with hopesI am not for him: If that the youth will come this way to morrow Ile giue him reasons for't: hie thee Maluolio
Mal. MadamI will. Enter.
Ol. I do I know not whatand feare to finde Mine eye too great a flatterer for my minde: Fateshew thy forceour selues we do not owe What is decreedmust be: and be this so.
Actus SecundusScaena prima.
Enter Antonio & Sebastian.
Ant. Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that I go with you
Seb. By your patienceno: my starres shine darkely ouer me; the malignancie of my fatemight perhaps distemper yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence for your loueto lay any of them on you
An. Let me yet know of youwhither you are bound
Seb. No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch of modestiethat you will not extort from mewhat I am willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee then Antoniomy name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo)
my father was that Sebastian of Messalinewhom I know you haue heard of. He left behinde himmy selfe and a sisterboth borne in an houre: if the Heauens had beene pleas'dwould we had so ended. But you siralter'd thatfor some houre before you tooke me from the breach of the seawas my sister drown'd
Ant. Alas the day
Seb. A Lady sirthough it was said shee much resembled mewas yet of many accounted beautiful: but thogh I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue thatyet thus farre I will boldly publish hershee bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is drown'd already sir with salt waterthough I seeme to drowne her remembrance againe with more
Ant. Pardon me siryour bad entertainment
Seb. O good Antonioforgiue me your trouble
Ant. If you will not murther me for my louelet mee be your seruant
Seb. If you will not vndo what you haue donethat is kill himwhom you haue recouer'ddesire it not. Fare ye well at oncemy bosome is full of kindnesseand I am yet so neere the manners of my motherthat vpon the least occasion moremine eyes will tell tales of me: I am bound to the Count Orsino's Courtfarewell.
Ant. The gentlenesse of all the gods go with thee: I haue many enemies in Orsino's Court Else would I very shortly see thee there: But come what mayI do adore thee so That danger shall seeme sportand I will go. Enter.
Enter Viola and Maluolioat seuerall doores.
Mal. Were not you eu'n nowwith the Countesse Oliuia? Vio. Euen now siron a moderate paceI haue since ariu'd but hither
Mal. She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might haue saued mee my painesto haue taken it away your selfe. She adds moreouerthat you should put your Lord into a desperate assuranceshe will none of him. And one thing morethat you be neuer so hardie to come againe in his affairesvnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking of this: receiue it so
Vio. She tooke the Ring of meIle none of it
Mal. Come siryou peeuishly threw it to her: and her will isit should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping forthere it liesin your eye: if notbee it his that findes it. Enter.
Vio. I left no Ring with her: what meanes this Lady? Fortune forbid my out-side haue not charm'd her: She made good view of meindeed so much That me thought her eyes had lost her tongue For she did speake in starts distractedly. She loues me surethe cunning of her passion Inuites me in this churlish messenger: None of my Lords Ring? Why he sent her none; I am the manif it be soas tis Poore Ladyshe were better loue a dreame: DisguiseI see thou art a wickednesse Wherein the pregnant enemie does much. How easie is itfor the proper false In womens waxen hearts to set their formes: AlasO frailtie is the causenot wee For such as we are madeif such we bee: How will this fadge? My master loues her deerely And I (poore monster) fond asmuch on him: And she (mistaken) seemes to dote on me: What will become of this? As I am man My state is desperate for my maisters loue: As I am woman (now alas the day) What thriftlesse sighes shall poore Oliuia breath? O timethou must vntangle thisnot I It is too hard a knot for me t' vnty.
Enter Sir Tobyand Sir Andrew.
To. Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after midnightis to be vp betimesand Deliculo surgerethou know'st
And. Nay by my troth I know not: but I knowto be vp lateis to be vp late
To. A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne. To be vp after midnightand to go to bed then is early: so that to go to bed after midnightis to goe to bed betimes. Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?
And. Faith so they saybut I thinke it rather consists of eating and drinking
To. Th'art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke Marian I saya stoope of wine. Enter Clowne.
And. Heere comes the foole yfaith
Clo. How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture of we three? To. Welcome assenow let's haue a catch
And. By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I had rather then forty shillings I had such a leggeand so sweet a breath to singas the foole has. Insooth thou wast in very gracious fooling last nightwhen thou spok'st of Pigrogromitusof the Vapians passing the Equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence for thy Lemonhadst it?
Clo. I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white handand the
Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses
An. Excellent: Why this is the best foolingwhen all is done. Now a song
To. Come onthere is sixe pence for you. Let's haue a song
An. There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a Clo. Would you haue a loue-songor a song of good life? To. A loue songa loue song
An. II. I care not for good life
Clowne sings . O Mistris mine where are you roming? O stay and heareyour true loues coming That can sing both high and low. Trip no further prettie sweeting. Iourneys end in louers meeting Euery wise mans sonne doth know
An. Excellent goodifaith
Clo. What is louetis not heereafter Present mirthhath present laughter: What's to comeis still vnsure. In delay there lies no plentie Then come kisse me sweet and twentie: Youths a stuffe will not endure
An. A mellifluous voyceas I am true knight
To. A contagious breath
An. Very sweetand contagious ifaith
To. To heare by the noseit is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee rowze the night-Owle in a Catchthat will drawe three soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?
And. And you loue melet's doo't: I am dogge at a Catch
Clo. Byrlady sirand some dogs will catch well
An. Most certaine: Let our Catch beThou Knaue
Clo. Hold thy peacethou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd in'tto call thee knaueKnight
An. 'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to call me knaue. Begin foole: it beginsHold thy peace
Clo. I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace
An. Good ifaith: Come begin.
Mar. What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolioand bid him turne you out of dooresneuer trust me
To. My Lady's a Catayanwe are politiciansMaluolios a Peg-a-ramsieand Three merry men be wee. Am not I consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie There dwelt a man in BabylonLadyLady
Clo. Beshrew methe knights in admirable fooling
An. Ihe do's well enough if he be dispos'dand so do I too: he does it with a better gracebut I do it more naturall
To. O the twelfe day of December
Mar. For the loue o' God peace. Enter Maluolio.
Mal. My masters are you mad? Or what are you? Haue you no witmannersnor honestiebut to gabble like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse of my Ladies housethat ye squeak out your Coziers Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of placepersonsnor time in you?
To. We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp
Mal. Sir TobyI must be round with you. My Lady bad me tell youthat though she harbors you as her kinsman she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can separate your selfe and your misdemeanorsyou are welcome to the house: if notand it would please you to take leaue of hershe is very willing to bid you farewell
To. Farewell deere heartsince I must needs be gone
Mar. Nay good Sir Toby
Clo. His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done
Mal. Is't euen so? To. But I will neuer dye
Clo. Sir Toby there you lye
Mal. This is much credit to you
To. Shall I bid him go
Clo. What and if you do? To. Shall I bid him goand spare not? Clo. O nonononoyou dare not
To. Out o' tune sirye lye: Art any more then a Steward? Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuousthere shall be no more Cakes and Ale?
Clo. Yes by S[aint]. Anneand Ginger shall bee hotte y'th mouth too
To. Th'art i'th right. Goe sirrub your Chaine with crums. A stope of Wine Maria
Mal. Mistris Maryif you priz'd my Ladies fauour at any thing more then contemptyou would not giue meanes for this vnciuill rule; she shall know of it by this hand.
Mar. Go shake your eares
An. 'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans a hungrieto challenge him the fieldand then to breake promise with himand make a foole of him
To. Doo't knightIle write thee a Challenge: or Ile deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth
Mar. Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since the youth of the Counts was to day with my Ladyshe is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluoliolet me alone with him: If I do not gull him into a naywordand make him a common recreationdo not thinke I haue witte enough to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it
To. Possesse vspossesse vstell vs something of him
Mar. Marrie sirsometimes he is a kinde of Puritane
An. Oif I thought thatIde beate him like a dogge
To. What for being a Puritanthy exquisite reason deere knight
An. I haue no exquisite reason for'tbut I haue reason good enough
Mar. The diu'll a Puritane that hee isor any thing constantly but a time-pleaseran affection'd Assethat cons State without bookeand vtters it by great swarths. The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes) with excellenciesthat it is his grounds of faiththat all that looke on himloue him: and on that vice in himwill my reuenge finde notable cause to worke
To. What wilt thou do?
Mar. I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of louewherein by the colour of his beardthe shape of his leggethe manner of his gatethe expressure of his eye foreheadand complectionhe shall finde himselfe most feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie your Neeceon a forgotten matter wee can hardly make distinction of our hands
To. ExcellentI smell a deuice
An. I hau't in my nose too
To. He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop that they come from my Neeceand that shee's in loue with him
Mar. My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour
An. And your horse now would make him an Asse
Mar. AsseI doubt not
An. O twill be admirable
Mar. Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke will worke with himI will plant you twoand let the Foole make a thirdwhere he shall finde the Letter: obserue his construction of it: For this night to bedand dreame on the euent: Farewell.
To. Good night Penthisilea
An. Before me she's a good wench
To. She's a beagle true bredand one that adores me: what o'that? An. I was ador'd once too
To. Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for more money
An. If I cannot recouer your NeeceI am a foule way out
To. Send for money knightif thou hast her not i'th endcall me Cut
An. If I do notneuer trust metake it how you will
To. ComecomeIle go burne some Sacketis too late to go to bed now: Come knightcome knight.
Enter DukeViolaCurioand others
Du. Giue me some Musick; Now good morow frends. Now good Cesariobut that peece of song That old and Anticke song we heard last night; Me thought it did releeue my passion much More then light ayresand recollected termes Of these most briske and giddy-paced times. Comebut one verse
Cur. He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that
should sing it? Du. Who was it? Cur. Feste the Iester my Lorda foole that the Ladie
Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the house
Du. Seeke him outand play the tune the while.
Come hither Boyif euer thou shalt loue In the sweet pangs of itremember me: For such as I amall true Louers are Vnstaid and skittish in all motions else Saue in the constant image of the creature
That is belou'd. How dost thou like this tune? Vio. It giues a verie eccho to the seate Where loue is thron'd
Du. Thou dost speake masterly My life vpon'tyong though thou artthine eye Hath staid vpon some fauour that it loues: Hath it not boy?
Vio. A littleby your fauour
Du. What kinde of woman ist? Vio. Of your complection
Du. She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith? Vio. About your yeeres my Lord
Du. Too old by heauen: Let still the woman take An elder then her selfeso weares she to him; So swayes she leuell in her husbands heart: For boyhoweuer we do praise our selues Our fancies are more giddie and vnfirme More longingwaueringsooner lost and worne Then womens are
Vio. I thinke it well my Lord
Du. Then let thy Loue be yonger then thy selfe Or thy affection cannot hold the bent: For women are as Roseswhose faire flowre Being once displaiddoth fall that verie howre
Vio. And so they are: alasthat they are so: To dieeuen when they to perfection grow. Enter Curio & Clowne.
Du. O fellow comethe song we had last night: Marke it Cesarioit is old and plaine; The Spinsters and the Knitters in the Sun And the free maides that weaue their thred with bones Do vse to chaunt it: it is silly sooth And dallies with the innocence of loue Like the old age
Clo. Are you ready Sir? Duke. I prethee sing.
Come awaycome away death And in sad cypresse let me be laide. Fye awayfie away breath I am slaine by a faire cruell maide: My shrowd of whitestuck all with EwO prepare it. My part of death no one so true did share it. Not a flowernot a flower sweete On my blacke coffinlet there be strewne: Not a friendnot a friend greet My poore corpeswhere my bones shall be throwne: A thousand thousand sighes to sauelay me o where Sad true louer neuer find my graueto weepe there
Du. There's for thy paines
Clo. No paines sirI take pleasure in singing sir
Du. Ile pay thy pleasure then
Clo. Truely sirand pleasure will be paide one timeor another
Du. Giue me now leaueto leaue thee
Clo. Now the melancholly God protect theeand the Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffatafor thy minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie put to Seathat their businesse might be euery thing and their intent euerie wherefor that's itthat alwayes makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
Du. Let all the rest giue place: Once more Cesario Get thee to yond same soueraigne crueltie: Tell her my louemore noble then the world Prizes not quantitie of dirtie lands The parts that fortune hath bestow'd vpon her: Tell her I hold as giddily as Fortune: But 'tis that miracleand Queene of Iems That nature prankes her inattracts my soule
Vio. But if she cannot loue you sir
Du. It cannot be so answer'd
Vio. Sooth but you must. Say that some Ladyas perhappes there is Hath for your loue as great a pang of heart As you haue for Oliuia: you cannot loue her: You tel her so: Must she not then be answer'd?
Du. There is no womans sides Can bide the beating of so strong a passion As loue doth giue my heart: no womans heart So biggeto hold so muchthey lacke retention. Alastheir loue may be call'd appetite No motion of the Liuerbut the Pallat That suffer surfetcloymentand reuolt But mine is all as hungry as the Sea And can digest as muchmake no compare Betweene that loue a woman can beare me And that I owe Oliuia
Vio. I but I know
Du. What dost thou knowe?
Vio. Too well what loue women to men may owe: In faith they are as true of heartas we. My Father had a daughter lou'd a man As it might be perhapswere I a woman I should your Lordship
Du. And what's her history?
Vio. A blanke my Lord: she neuer told her loue But let concealment like a worme i'th budde Feede on her damaske cheeke: she pin'd in thought And with a greene and yellow melancholly She sate like Patience on a Monument
Smiling at greefe. Was not this loue indeede? We men may say moresweare morebut indeed Our shewes are more then will: for still we proue Much in our vowesbut little in our loue
Du. But di'de thy sister of her loue my Boy?
Vio. I am all the daughters of my Fathers house And all the brothers too: and yet I know not. Sirshall I to this Lady?
Du. I that's the Theame To her in haste: giue her this Iewell: say My loue can giue no placebide no denay.
Enter Sir TobySir Andrewand Fabian.
To. Come thy wayes Signior Fabian
Fab. Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly
To. Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly Rascally sheepe-bitercome by some notable shame? Fa. I would exult man: you know he brought me out o' fauour with my Ladyabout a Beare-baiting heere
To. To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againeand we will foole him blacke and blewshall we not sir Andrew? An. And we do notit is pittie of our liues. Enter Maria.
To. Heere comes the little villaine: How now my Mettle of India?
Mar. Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's comming downe this walkehe has beene yonder i'the Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close in the name of ieastinglye thou there: for heere comes the Trowtthat must be caught with tickling.
Mal. 'Tis but Fortuneall is fortune. Maria once told me she did affect meand I haue heard her self come thus neerethat should shee fancieit should bee one of my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted respectthen any one else that followes her. What should I thinke on't?
To. Heere's an ouer-weening rogue
Fa. Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey Cocke of himhow he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes
And. Slight I could so beate the Rogue
To. Peace I say
Mal. To be Count Maluolio
To. Ah Rogue
An. Pistoll himpistoll him
Mal. There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy married the yeoman of the wardrobe
An. Fie on him Iezabel
Fa. O peacenow he's deepely in: looke how imagination blowes him
Mal. Hauing beene three moneths married to her sitting in my state
To. O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye
Mal. Calling my Officers about mein my branch'd Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day beddewhere I haue left Oliuia sleeping
To. Fire and Brimstone
Fa. O peacepeace
Mal. And then to haue the humor of state: and after a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my placeas I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my kinsman Toby
To. Boltes and shackles
Fa. Oh peacepeacepeacenownow
Mal. Seauen of my people with an obedient start make out for him: I frowne the whileand perchance winde vp my watchor play with my some rich Iewell: Toby approaches; curtsies there to me
To. Shall this fellow liue? Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars yet peace
Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my familiar smile with an austere regard of controll
To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes then? Mal. SayingCosine Tobymy Fortunes hauing cast me on your Neecegiue me this prerogatiue of speech
To. Whatwhat? Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse
To. Out scab
Fab. Nay patienceor we breake the sinewes of our plot? Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time with a foolish knight
And. That's mee I warrant you
Mal. One sir Andrew
And. I knew 'twas Ifor many do call mee foole
Mal. What employment haue we heere? Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin
To. Oh peaceand the spirit of humors intimate reading aloud to him
Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her very C'sher V'sand her T'sand thus makes shee her great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand
An. Her C'sher V'sand her T's: why that?
Mal. To the vnknowne belou'dthisand my good Wishes: Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Softand the impressure her Lucrecewith which she vses to seale: tis my Lady: To whom should this be?
Fab. This winnes himLiuer and all
Mal. Ioue knowes I louebut whoLips do not mooueno man must know. No man must know. What followes? The numbers alter'd: No man must know If this should be thee Maluolio?
To. Marrie hang thee brocke
Mal. I may command where I adorebut silence like a Lucresse knife: With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth goreM.O.A.I. doth sway my life
Fa. A fustian riddle
To. Excellent Wenchsay I
Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first let me seelet me seelet me see
Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him? To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it? Mal. I may commandwhere I adore: Why shee may
command me: I serue hershe is my Ladie. Why this is euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction in thisand the end: What should that Alphabeticall position portendif I could make that resemble something in me? SoftlyM.O.A.I
To. O Imake vp thathe is now at a cold sent
Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all thisthough it bee as ranke as a Fox
Mal. M. MaluolioM. why that begins my name
Fab. Did not I say he would worke it outthe Curre is excellent at faults
Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell that suffers vnder probation: A. should followbut O. does
Fa. And O shall endI hope
To. Ior Ile cudgell himand make him cry O
Mal. And then I. comes behind
Fa. Iand you had any eye behinde youyou might
see more detraction at your heelesthen Fortunes before
Mal. MOAI. This simulation is not as the former:
and yet to crush this a littleit would bow to meefor euery
one of these Letters are in my name. Softhere followes
prose: If this fall into thy handreuolue. In my stars
I am aboue theebut be not affraid of greatnesse: Some
are become greatsome atcheeues greatnesseand some
haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr
handslet thy blood and spirit embrace themand to invre
thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble
sloughand appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman
surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of
state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee
thus aduises theethat sighes for thee. Remember who
commended thy yellow stockingsand wish'd to see thee
euer crosse garter'd: I say remembergoe toothou art
made if thou desir'st to be so: If notlet me see thee a steward
stillthe fellow of seruantsand not woorthie to
touch Fortunes fingers FarewellShee that would alter
seruices with theethe fortunate vnhappy daylight and
champian discouers not more: This is openI will bee
proudI will reade politicke AuthoursI will baffle Sir
TobyI will wash off grosse acquaintanceI will be point
deuisethe very man. I do not now foole my selfeto let
imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this
that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow
stockings of lateshee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd
and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue&
with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of
her liking. I thanke my starresI am happy: I will bee
euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioueand my
starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst
not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my louelet
it appeare in thy smilingthy smiles become thee well. Therefore
in my presence still smiledeero my sweeteI prethee. Ioue
I thanke theeI will smileI wil do euery thing that thou
wilt haue me.
Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy
To. I could marry this wench for this deuice
An. So could I too
To. And aske no other dowry with herbut such another
An. Nor I neither
Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher
To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke
An. Or o'mine either?
To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-tripand becom thy bondslaue?
An. Ifaithor I either?
Tob. Whythou hast put him in such a dreamethat when the image of it leaues himhe must run mad
Ma. Nay but say truedo's it worke vpon him? To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife
Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sportmark his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her in yellow stockingsand 'tis a colour she abhorresand crosse garter'da fashion shee detests: and hee will smile vpon herwhich will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition being addicted to a melanchollyas shee isthat it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil see it follow me
To. To the gates of Tartarthou most excellent diuell of wit
And. Ile make one too.
Finis Actus secundus
Actus TertiusScaena prima.
Enter Viola and Clowne.
Vio. Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue by thy Tabor?
Clo. No sirI liue by the Church
Vio. Art thou a Churchman?
Clo. No such matter sirI do liue by the Church: For I do liue at my houseand my house dooth stand by the Church
Vio. So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a beggerif a begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor if thy Tabor stand by the Church
Clo. You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is but a cheu'rill gloue to a good wittehow quickely the wrong side may be turn'd outward
Vio. Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with wordsmay quickely make them wanton
Clo. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir
Vio. Why man?
Clo. Why sirher names a wordand to dallie with that wordmight make my sister wanton: But indeede words are very Rascalssince bonds disgrac'd them
Vio. Thy reason man?
Clo. Troth sirI can yeeld you none without wordes and wordes are growne so falseI am loath to proue reason with them
Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellowand car'st for nothing
Clo. Not so sirI do care for something: but in my conscience sirI do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing sirI would it would make you inuisible
Vio. Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?
Clo. No indeed sirthe Lady Oliuia has no follyshee will keepe no foole sirtill she be marriedand fooles are as like husbandsas Pilchers are to Herringsthe Husbands the biggerI am indeede not her foolebut hir corrupter of words
Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's
Clo. Foolery sirdoes walke about the Orbe like the Sunit shines euery where. I would be sorry sirbut the Foole should be as oft with your Masteras with my Mistris: I thinke I saw your wisedome there
Vio. Nayand thou passe vpon meIle no more with thee. Hold there's expences for thee
Clo. Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayresend thee a beard
Vio. By my troth Ile tell theeI am almost sicke for onethough I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is thy Lady within?
Clo Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?
Vio. Yes being kept togetherand put to vse
Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sirto bring a Cressida to this Troylus
Vio. I vnderstand you sirtis well begg'd
Clo. The matter I hope is not great sir; beggingbut a begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I will conster to them whence you comewho you areand what you would are out of my welkinI might say Element but the word is ouer-worne.
Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the foole And to do that wellcraues a kinde of wit: He must obserue their mood on whom he iests The quality of personsand the time: And like the Haggardchecke at euery Feather That comes before his eye. This is a practice As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art: For folly that he wisely shewesis fit; But wisemens folly falnequite taint their wit. Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.
To. Saue you Gentleman
Vio. And you sir
And. Dieu vou guard Monsieur
Vio. Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture
An. I hope siryou areand I am yours
To. Will you incounter the housemy Neece is desirous you should enterif your trade be to her
Vio. I am bound to your Neece sirI meane she is the list of my voyage
To. Taste your legges sirput them to motion
Vio. My legges do better vnderstand me sirthen I vnderstand what you meane by bidding me taste my legs
To. I meane to go sirto enter
Vio. I will answer you with gate and entrancebut we are preuented. Enter Oliuiaand Gentlewoman.
Most excellent accomplish'd Ladythe heauens raine Odours on you
And. That youth's a rare Courtierraine odourswel
Vio. My matter hath no voice Ladybut to your owne most pregnant and vouchsafed eare
And. Odourspregnantand vouchsafed: Ile get 'em all three already
Ol. Let the Garden doore be shutand leaue mee to my hearing. Giue me your hand sir
Vio. My dutie Madamand most humble seruice
Ol. What is your name? Vio. Cesario is your seruants namefaire Princesse
Ol. My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world Since lowly feigning was call'd complement: Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth
Vio. And he is yoursand his must needs be yours: Your seruants seruantis your seruant Madam
Ol. For himI thinke not on him: for his thoughts Would they were blankesrather then fill'd with me
Vio. MadamI come to whet your gentle thoughts On his behalfe
Ol. O by your leaue I pray you. I bad you neuer speake againe of him; But would you vndertake another suite I had rather heare youto solicit that Then Musicke from the spheares
Vio. Deere Lady
Ol. Giue me leauebeseech you: I did send After the last enchantment you did heare A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse My selfemy seruantand I feare me you: Vnder your hard construction must I sit To force that on you in a shamefull cunning Which you knew none of yours. What might you think? Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing Enough is shewnea Cipressenot a bosome Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake
Vio. I pittie you
Ol. That's a degree to loue
Vio. No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe That verie oft we pitty enemies
Ol. Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen: O worldhow apt the poore are to be proud? If one should be a preyhow much the better To fall before the Lionthen the Wolfe?
The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time: Be not affraid good youthI will not haue you And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest Your wife is like to reape a proper man: There lies your waydue West
Vio. Then Westward hoe: Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship: You'l nothing Madam to my Lordby me:
Ol. Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me? Vio. That you do thinke you are not what you are
Ol. If I thinke soI thinke the same of you
Vio. Then thinke you right: I am not what I am
Ol. I would you wereas I would haue you be
Vio. Would it be better Madamthen I am? I wish it mightfor now I am your foole
Ol. O what a deale of scornelookes beautifull? In the contempt and anger of his lip A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues nightis noone. Cesarioby the Roses of the Spring By maid-hoodhonortruthand euery thing I loue thee sothat maugre all thy pride Nor witnor reasoncan my passion hide: Do not extort thy reasons from this clause For that I woothou therefore hast no cause: But rather reason thuswith reason fetter; Loue soughtis good: but giuen vnsoughtis better
Vio. By innocence I sweareand by my youth I haue one heartone bosomeand one truth And that no woman hasnor neuer none
Shall mistris be of itsaue I alone. And so adieu good Madamneuer more Will I my Masters teares to you deplore
Ol. Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue That heart which now abhorresto like his loue.
Enter Sir TobySir Andrewand Fabian.
And. No faithIle not stay a iot longer: To. Thy reason deere venomgiue thy reason
Fab. You must needes yeelde your reasonSir Andrew?
And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the Counts Seruing-manthen euer she bestow'd vpon mee: I saw't i'th Orchard
To. Did she see the whileold boytell me that
And. As plaine as I see you now
Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward you
And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me
Fab. I will proue it legitimate sirvpon the Oathes of iudgementand reason
To. And they haue beene grand Iurie mensince before Noah was a Saylor
Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight onely to exasperate youto awake your dormouse valour to put fire in your Heartand brimstone in your Liuer: you should then haue accosted herand with some excellent iestsfire-new from the mintyou should haue bangd the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your handand this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie you let time wash offand you are now sayld into the North of my Ladies opinionwhere you will hang like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beardvnlesse you do redeeme itby some laudable attempteither of valour or policie
And. And't be any wayit must be with Valourfor policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownistas a Politician
To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him hurt him in eleuen placesmy Neece shall take note of it and assure thy selfethere is no loue-Broker in the world can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman then report of valour
Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew
An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him? To. Gowrite it in a martial handbe curst and briefe: it is no matter how wittieso it bee eloquentand full of
inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou thou'st him some thriceit shall not be amisseand as many Lyesas will lye in thy sheete of paperalthough the sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England set 'em downego about it. Let there bee gaulle enough in thy inkethough thou write with a Goose-pen no matter: about it
And. Where shall I finde you? To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
Exit Sir Andrew.
Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby
To. I haue beene deere to him ladsome two thousand strongor so
Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le not deliuer't
To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes cannot hale them together. For Andrewif he were open'd and you finde so much blood in his Liueras will clog the foote of a fleaIle eate the rest of th' anatomy
Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no great presage of cruelty. Enter Maria.
To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes
Mar. If you desire the spleeneand will laughe your selues into stitchesfollow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned Heathena verie Renegatho; for there is no christian that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightlycan euer beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in yellow stockings
To. And crosse garter'd?
Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer. He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes then is in the new Mappewith the augmentation of the Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly forbeare hurling things at himI know my Ladie will strike him: if shee doehee'l smileand take't for a great fauour
To. Come bring vsbring vs where he is.
Enter Sebastian and Anthonio.
Seb. I would not by my will haue troubled you But since you make your pleasure of your paines I will no further chide you
Ant. I could not stay behinde you: my desire (More sharpe then filed steele) did spurre me forth And not all loue to see you (though so much As might haue drawne one to a longer voyage) But iealousiewhat might befall your trauell Being skillesse in these parts: which to a stranger Vnguidedand vnfriendedoften proue Roughand vnhospitable. My willing loue The rather by these arguments of feare Set forth in your pursuite
Seb. My kinde Anthonio I can no other answer makebut thankes And thankes: and euer oft good turnes Are shuffel'd off with such vncurrant pay: But were my worthas is my conscience firme You should finde better dealing: what's to do? Shall we go see the reliques of this Towne?
Ant. To morrow sirbest first go see your Lodging?
Seb. I am not wearyand 'tis long to night I pray you let vs satisfie our eyes With the memorialsand the things of fame That do renowne this City
Ant. Would youl'd pardon me: I do not without danger walke these streetes. Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gallies I did some seruiceof such note indeede That were I tane heereit would scarse be answer'd
Seb. Belike you slew great number of his people
Ant. Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature Albeit the quality of the timeand quarrell Might well haue giuen vs bloody argument: It might haue since bene answer'd in repaying What we tooke from themwhich for Traffiques sake Most of our City did. Onely my selfe stood out For which if I be lapsed in this place I shall pay deere
Seb. Do not then walke too open
Ant. It doth not fit me: hold sirhere's my purse In the South Suburbes at the Elephant Is best to lodge: I will bespeake our dyet Whiles you beguile the timeand feed your knowledge With viewing of the Townethere shall you haue me
Seb. Why I your purse?
Ant. Haply your eye shall light vpon some toy You haue desire to purchase: and your store I thinke is not for idle Marketssir
Seb. Ile be your purse-bearerand leaue you For an houre
Ant. To th' Elephant
Seb. I do remember.
Enter Oliuia and Maria.
Ol. I haue sent after himhe sayes hee'l come: How shall I feast him? What bestow of him? For youth is bought more oftthen begg'dor borrow'd. I speake too loud: Where's Maluoliohe is sadand ciuill And suites well for a seruant with my fortunes Where is Maluolio?
Mar. He's comming Madame: But in very strange manner. He is sure possest Madam
Ol. Why what's the matterdoes he raue?
Mar. No Madamhe does nothing but smile: your Ladyship were best to haue some guard about youif hee comefor sure the man is tainted in's wits
Ol. Go call him hither. Enter Maluolio.
I am as madde as hee If sad and merry madnesse equall bee. How now Maluolio?
Mal. Sweet Ladyhoho
Ol. Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion
Mal. Sad LadyI could be sad: This does make some obstruction in the blood: This crosse-garteringbut what of that? If it please the eye of oneit is with me as the very true Sonnet is: Please oneand please all
Mal. Why how doest thou man? What is the matter with thee?
Mal. Not blacke in my mindethough yellow in my legges: It did come to his handsand Commaunds shall be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane hand
Ol. Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio? Mal. To bed? I sweet heartand Ile come to thee
Ol. God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile soand
kisse thy hand so oft? Mar. How do you Maluolio? Maluo. At your request:
Yes Nightingales answere Dawes
Mar. Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse before my Lady
Mal. Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ
Ol. What meanst thou by that Maluolio? Mal. Some are borne great
Ol. Ha? Mal. Some atcheeue greatnesse
Ol. What sayst thou? Mal. And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them
Ol. Heauen restore thee
Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings
Ol. Thy yellow stockings? Mal. And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd
Ol. Crosse garter'd? Mal. Go toothou art madeif thou desir'st to be so
Ol. Am I made? Mal. If notlet me see thee a seruant still
Ol. Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse. Enter Seruant.
Ser. Madamethe young Gentleman of the Count Orsino's is return'dI could hardly entreate him backe: he attends your Ladyships pleasure
Ol. Ile come to him. Good Marialet this fellow be look'd too. Where's my Cosine Tobylet some of my people haue a speciall care of himI would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of my Dowry.
Mal. Oh hodo you come neere me now: no worse man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly with the Lettershe sends him on purposethat I may appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite with a Kinsmansurly with seruantslet thy tongue langer with arguments of stateput thy selfe into the tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the manner how: as a sad facea reuerend carriagea slow tonguein the habite of some Sir of noteand so foorth. I haue lymde herbut it is Ioues doingand Ioue make me thankefull. And when she went away nowlet this Fellow be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolionor after my degreebut Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither that no dramme of a scrupleno scruple of a scrupleno obstacleno incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What can be saide? Nothing that can becan come betweene meand the full prospect of my hopes. Well Iouenot I is the doer of thisand he is to be thanked. Enter TobyFabianand Maria.
To. Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all the diuels of hell be drawne in littleand Legion himselfe possest himyet Ile speake to him
Fab. Heere he isheere he is: how ist with you sir? How ist with you man? Mal. Go offI discard you: let me enioy my priuate: go off
Mar. Lohow hollow the fiend speakes within him; did not I tell you? Sir Tobymy Lady prayes you to haue a care of him
Mal. Ah hadoes she so?
To. Go toogo too: peacepeacewee must deale gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio? How ist with you? What mandefie the diuell: consider he's an enemy to mankinde
Mal. Do you know what you say? Mar. La youand you speake ill of the diuellhow he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitch'd
Fab. Carry his water to th' wise woman
Mar. Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile say
Mal. How now mistris? Mar. Oh Lord
To. Prethee hold thy peacethis is not the way: Doe you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him
Fa. No way but gentlenessegentlygently: the Fiend is roughand will not be roughly vs'd
To. Why how now my bawcock? how dost y chuck? Mal. Sir
To. I biddycome with me. What mantis not for grauity to play at cherrie-pit with sathan Hang him foul Colliar
Mar. Get him to say his prayersgood sir Toby gette him to pray
Mal. My prayers Minx
Mar. No I warrant youhe will not heare of godlynesse
Mal. Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe thingsI am not of your elementyou shall knowe more heereafter.
To. Ist possible?
Fa. If this were plaid vpon a stage nowI could condemne it as an improbable fiction
To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the deuice man
Mar. Nay pursue him nowleast the deuice take ayre and taint
Fa. Why we shall make him mad indeede
Mar. The house will be the quieter
To. Comewee'l haue him in a darke room & bound. My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may carry it thus for our pleasureand his pennancetil our very pastime tyred out of breathprompt vs to haue mercy on him: at which timewe wil bring the deuice to the bar and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but seebut see.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Fa. More matter for a May morning
An. Heere's the Challengereade it: I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't
Fab. Ist so sawcy? And. Iist? I warrant him: do but read
To. Giue me. Youthwhatsoeuer thou artthou art but a scuruy fellow
Fa. Goodand valiant
To. Wonder notnor admire not in thy minde why I doe call thee sofor I will shew thee no reason for't
Fa. A good notethat keepes you from the blow of y Law
To. Thou comst to the Lady Oliuiaand in my sight she vses thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throatthat is not the matter I challenge thee for
Fa. Very breefeand to exceeding good sence-lesse
To. I will way-lay thee going homewhere if it be thy chance to kill me
To. Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine
Fa. Still you keepe o'th windie side of the Law: good
Tob. Fartheewelland God haue mercie vpon one of our soules. He may haue mercie vpon minebut my hope is better and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him& thy sworne enemieAndrew Ague-cheeke
To. If this Letter moue him nothis legges cannot: Ile giu't him
Mar. You may haue verie fit occasion for't: he is now in some commerce with my Ladieand will by and by depart
To. Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou seest himdrawand as thou draw'stsweare horrible: for it comes to passe oftthat a terrible oathwith a swaggering accent sharpely twang'd offgiues manhoode more approbationthen euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd him. Away
And. Nay let me alone for swearing.
To. Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour of the yong Gentlemangiues him out to be of good capacityand breeding: his employment betweene his Lord and my Neececonfirmes no lesse. Thereforethis Letter being so excellently ignorantwill breed no terror in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole.
But sirI will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth; set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valorand driue the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it) into a most hideous opinion of his rageskillfurieand impetuositie. This will so fright them boththat they wil kill one another by the lookelike Cockatrices. Enter Oliuia and Viola.
Fab. Heere he comes with your Neecegiue them way till he take leaueand presently after him
To. I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message for a Challenge
Ol. I haue said too much vnto a hart of stone And laid mine honour too vnchary on't: There's something in me that reproues my fault: But such a head-strong potent fault it is That it but mockes reproofe
Vio. With the same hauiour that your passion beares Goes on my Masters greefes
Ol. Heereweare this Iewell for metis my picture: Refuse it notit hath no tongueto vex you: And I beseech you come againe to morrow. What shall you aske of me that Ile deny That honour (sau'd) may vpon asking giue
Vio. Nothing but thisyour true loue for my master
Ol. How with mine honor may I giue him that Which I haue giuen to you
Vio. I will acquit you
Ol. Wellcome againe to morrow: far-thee-well A Fiend like thee might beare my soule to hell. Enter Toby and Fabian.
To. GentlemanGod saue thee
Vio. And you sir
To. That defence thou hastbetake the too't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done himI knowe not: but thy intercepter full of despightbloody as the Hunter attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke be yare in thy preparationfor thy assaylant is quickskilfull and deadly
Vio. You mistake sir I am sureno man hath any quarrell to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from any image of offence done to any man
To. You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: thereforeif you hold your life at any pricebetake you to your gard: for your opposite hath in him what youthstrengthskill and wrathcan furnish man withall
Vio. I pray you sir what is he?
To. He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapierand on carpet considerationbut he is a diuell in priuate brall soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd threeand his incensement
at this moment is so implacablethat satisfaction can be nonebut by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob nobis his word: giu't or take't
Vio. I will returne againe into the houseand desire some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighterI haue heard of some kinde of menthat put quarrells purposely on others to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirke
To. Sirno: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very computent iniurietherefore get you onand giue him his desire. Backe you shall not to the housevnlesse you vndertake that with mewhich with as much safetie you might answer him: therefore onor strippe your sword starke naked: for meddle you must that's certainor forsweare to weare iron about you
Vio. This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe me this courteous officeas to know of the Knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence nothing of my purpose
To. I will doe so. Signiour Fabianstay you by this Gentlemantill my returne.
Vio. Pray you sirdo you know of this matter?
Fab. I know the knight is incenst against youeuen to a mortall arbitrementbut nothing of the circumstance more
Vio. I beseech you what manner of man is he?
Fab. Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him by his formeas you are like to finde him in the proofe of his valour. He is indeede sirthe most skilfullbloudy& fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie part of Illyria: will you walke towards himI will make your peace with himif I can
Vio. I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one that had rather go with sir Priestthen sir knight: I care not who knowes so much of my mettle.
Enter Toby and Andrew.
To. Why man hee s a verie diuellI haue not seen such a firago: I had a passe with himrapierscabberdand all: and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion that it is ineuitable: and on the answerhe payes you as surelyas your feete hits the ground they step on. They sayhe has bin Fencer to the Sophy
And. Pox on'tIle not meddle with him
To. I but he will not now be pacified Fabian can scarse hold him yonder
An. Plague on'tand I thought he had beene valiant and so cunning in FenceI'de haue seene him damn'd ere I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slipand
Ile giue him my horsegray Capilet
To. Ile make the motion: stand heeremake a good shew on'tthis shall end without the perdition of soules marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you. Enter Fabian and Viola.
I haue his horse to take vp the quarrellI haue perswaded him the youths a diuell
Fa. He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants& lookes paleas if a Beare were at his heeles
To. There's no remedie sirhe will fight with you for's oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his quarrelland hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe he protests he will not hurt you
Vio. Pray God defend me: a little thing would make me tell them how much I lacke of a man
Fab. Giue ground if you see him furious
To. Come sir Andrewthere's no remediethe Gentleman will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you: he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised meas he is a Gentleman and a Soldiourhe will not hurt you. Come ontoo't
And. Pray God he keepe his oath. Enter Antonio.
Vio. I do assure you tis against my will
Ant. Put vp your sword: if this yong Gentleman Haue done offenceI take the fault on me: If you offend himI for him defie you
To. You sir? Whywhat are you? Ant. One sirthat for his loue dares yet do more Then you haue heard him brag to you he will
To. Nayif you be an vndertakerI am for you. Enter Officers.
Fab. O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers
To. Ile be with you anon
Vio. Pray sirput your sword vp if you please
And. Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easilyand raines well
1.Off. This is the mando thy Office
2.Off. AnthonioI arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino An. You do mistake me sir
1.Off. No sirno iot: I know your fauour well: Though now you haue no sea-cap on your head: Take him awayhe knowes I know him well
Ant. I must obey. This comes with seeking you: But there's no remedieI shall answer it: What will you do: now my necessitie Makes me to aske you for my purse. It greeues mee Much morefor what I cannot do for you Then what befals my selfe: you stand amaz'd But be of comfort
2.Off. Come sir away
Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money
Vio. What money sir? For the fayre kindnesse you haue shew'd me heere And part being prompted by your present trouble Out of my leane and low ability Ile lend you something: my hauing is not much Ile make diuision of my present with you: Holdthere's halfe my Coffer
Ant. Will you deny me now Ist possible that my deserts to you Can lacke perswasion. Do not tempt my misery Least that it make me so vnsound a man As to vpbraid you with those kindnesses That I haue done for you
Vio. I know of none Nor know I you by voyceor any feature: I hate ingratitude more in a man Then lyingvainnessebabling drunkennesse Or any taint of vicewhose strong corruption Inhabites our fraile blood
Ant. Oh heauens themselues
2.Off. Come sirI pray you go
Ant. Let me speake a little. This youth that you see heere I snatch'd one halfe out of the iawes of death Releeu'd him with such sanctitie of loue; And to his imagewhich me thought did promise Most venerable worthdid I deuotion
1.Off. What's that to vsthe time goes by: Away
Ant. But ohhow vilde an idoll proues this God: Thou hast Sebastian done good featureshame. In Naturethere's no blemish but the minde: None can be call'd deform'dbut the vnkinde. Vertue is beautybut the beauteous euill Are empty trunkesore-flourish'd by the deuill
1.Off. The man growes madaway with him: Comecome sir
Ant. Leade me on.
Vio. Me thinkes his words do from such passion flye That he beleeues himselfeso do not I: Proue true imaginationoh proue true
That I deere brotherbe now tane for you
To. Come hither Knightcome hither Fabian: Weel whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes
Vio. He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know Yet liuing in my glasse: euen suchand so In fauour was my Brotherand he went Still in this fashioncolourornament For him I imitate: Oh if it proue Tempests are kindeand salt waues fresh in loue
To. A very dishonest paltry boyand more a coward then a Harehis dishonesty appearesin leauing his frend heere in necessityand denying him: and for his cowardship aske Fabian
Fab. A Cowarda most deuout Cowardreligious in it
And. Slid Ile after him againeand beate him
To. Docuffe him soundlybut neuer draw thy sword And. And I do not
Fab. Comelet's see the euent
To. I dare lay any moneytwill be nothing yet.
Actus QuartusScaena prima.
Enter Sebastian and Clowne
Clo. Will you make me beleeuethat I am not sent for you? Seb. Go toogo toothou art a foolish fellow Let me be cleere of thee
Clo. Well held out yfaith: NoI do not know you nor I am not sent to you by my Ladyto bid you come speake with her: nor your name is not Master Cesario nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is sois so
Seb. I prethee vent thy folly some-where elsethou know'st not me
Clo. Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some great manand now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly: I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenesand tell me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that thou art comming?
Seb. I prethee foolish greeke depart from methere's money for theeif you tarry longerI shall giue worse paiment
Clo. By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen that giue fooles moneyget themselues a good report after foureteene yeares purchase. Enter AndrewTobyand Fabian.
And. Now sirhaue I met you again: ther's for you
Seb. Why there's for theeand thereand there
Are all the people mad? To. Hold siror Ile throw your dagger ore the house Clo. This will I tell my Lady straightI would not be
in some of your coats for two pence
To. Come on sirhold
An. Nay let him aloneIle go another way to worke with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against himif there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him firstyet it's no matter for that
Seb. Let go thy hand
To. Come sirI will not let you go. Come my yong souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come on
Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst y now? If thou dar'st tempt me furtherdraw thy sword
To. Whatwhat? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. Enter Oliuia.
Ol. Hold Tobyon thy life I charge thee hold
Ol. Will it be euer thus? Vngracious wretch Fit for the Mountainesand the barbarous Caues Where manners nere were preach'd: out of my sight. Be not offendeddeere Cesario: Rudesbey be gone. I prethee gentle friend Let thy fayre wisedomenot thy passion sway In this vnciuilland vniust extent Against thy peace. Go with me to my house And heare thou there how many fruitlesse prankes This Ruffian hath botch'd vpthat thou thereby Mayst smile at this: Thou shalt not choose but goe: Do not deniebeshrew his soule for mee He started one poore heart of minein thee
Seb. What rellish is in this? How runs the streame? Or I am mador else this is a dreame: Let fancie still my sense in Lethe steepe If it be thus to dreamestill let me sleepe
Ol. Nay come I pretheewould thoud'st be rul'd by me Seb. MadamI will
Ol. O say soand so be.
Enter Maria and Clowne.
Mar. NayI prethee put on this gown& this beard make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curatedoe it
quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst
Clo. WellIle put it onand I will dissemble my selfe in'tand I would I were the first that euer dissembled in in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the function wellnor leane enough to bee thought a good Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper goes as fairelyas to saya carefull man& a great scholler. The Competitors enter. Enter Toby.
To. Ioue blesse thee M[aster]. Parson
Clo. Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage that neuer saw pen and inkevery wittily sayd to a Neece of King Gorbodackethat that isis: so I being M[aster]. Parson am M[aster]. Parson; for what is thatbut that? and isbut is?
To. To him sir Topas
Clow. What hoaI sayPeace in this prison
To. The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Mal. Who cals there?
Clo. Sir Topas the Curatewho comes to visit Maluolio the Lunaticke
Mal. Sir Topassir Topasgood sir Topas goe to my Ladie
Clo. Out hyperbolicall fiendhow vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies? Tob. Well said M[aster]. Parson
Mal. Sir Topasneuer was man thus wrongedgood sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee heere in hideous darknesse
Clo. Fyethou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the most modest termesfor I am one of those gentle ones that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou that house is darke?
Mal. As hell sir Topas
Clo. Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes and the cleere stores toward the South northare as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad sir TopasI say to you this house is darke
Clo. Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse but ignorancein which thou art more puzel'd then the aegyptians in their fogge
Mal. I say this house is as darke as Ignorancethogh Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer man thus abus'dI am no more madde then you are make the triall of it in any constant question
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning Wilde-fowle?
Mal. That the soule of our grandammight happily inhabite a bird
Clo. What thinkst thou of his opinion? Mal. I thinke nobly of the souleand no way aproue his opinion
Clo. Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagorasere I will allow of thy witsand feare to kill a Woodcockelest thou dispossesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well
Mal. Sir Topassir Topas
Tob. My most exquisite sir Topas
Clo. Nay I am for all waters
Mar. Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd and gownehe sees thee not
To. To him in thine owne voyceand bring me word how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'dI would he werefor I am now so farre in offence with my Niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot. Come by and by to my Chamber.
Clo. Hey Robiniolly Robintell me how thy Lady does
Clo. My Lady is vnkindperdie
Clo. Alas why is she so? Mal. FooleI say
Clo. She loues another. Who callesha?
Mal. Good fooleas euer thou wilt deserue well at my handhelpe me to a Candleand peninkeand paper: as I am a GentlemanI will liue to bee thankefull to thee for't
Clo. M[aster]. Maluolio? Mal. I good Foole
Clo. Alas sirhow fell you besides your fiue witts? Mall. Foolethere was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art
Clo. But as well: then you are mad indeedeif you be no better in your wits then a foole
Mal. They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in darkenessesend Ministers to meAssesand doe all they can to face me out of my wits
Clo. Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere. MaluolioMaluoliothy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour
thy selfe to sleepeand leaue thy vaine bibble babble
Mal. Sir Topas
Clo. Maintaine no words with him good fellow. Who I sirnot I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry Amen. I will sirI will
Mal. Foolefoolefoole I say
Clo. Alas sir be patient. What say you sirI am shent for speaking to you
Mal. Good foolehelpe me to some lightand some paperI tell thee I am as well in my wittesas any man in Illyria
Clo. Well-a-daythat you were sir
Mal. By this hand I am: good foolesome inkepaper and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my Lady: it shall aduantage thee morethen euer the bearing of Letter did
Clo. I will help you too't. But tel me trueare you not mad indeedor do you but counterfeit
Mal. Beleeue me I am notI tell thee true
Clo. NayIle nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains I will fetch you lightand paperand inke
Mal. FooleIle requite it in the highest degree: I prethee be gone
Clo. I am gone sirand anon sir Ile be with you againe: In a tricelike to the old vice your neede to sustaine. Who with dagger of lathin his rage and his wrath cries ah hato the diuell: Like a mad ladpaire thy nayles dad Adieu good man diuell.
This is the ayrethat is the glorious Sunne This pearle she gaue meI do feel'tand see't And though tis wonder that enwraps me thus Yet 'tis not madnesse. Where's Anthonio then I could not finde him at the Elephant Yet there he wasand there I found this credite That he did range the towne to seeke me out His councell now might do me golden seruice For though my soule disputes well with my sence That this may be some errorbut no madnesse Yet doth this accident and flood of Fortune So farre exceed all instanceall discourse
That I am readie to distrust mine eyes And wrangle with my reason that perswades me To any other trustbut that I am mad Or else the Ladies mad; yet if 'twere so She could not sway her housecommand her followers Takeand giue backe affayresand their dispatch With such a smoothdiscreetand stable bearing As I perceiue she do's: there's something in't That is deceiueable. But heere the Lady comes. Enter Oliuiaand Priest.
Ol. Blame not this haste of mine: if you meane well Now go with meand with this holy man Into the Chantry by: there before him And vnderneath that consecrated roofe Plight me the full assurance of your faith That my most iealiousand too doubtfull soule May liue at peace. He shall conceale it Whiles you are willing it shall come to note What time we will our celebration keepe According to my birthwhat do you say?
Seb. Ile follow this good manand go with you And hauing sworne trutheuer will be true
Ol. Then lead the way good father& heauens so shine That they may fairely note this acte of mine.
Finis Actus Quartus.
Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.
Enter Clowne and Fabian.
Fab. Now as thou lou'st melet me see his Letter
Clo. Good M[aster]. Fabiangrant me another request
Fab. Any thing
Clo. Do not desire to see this Letter
Fab. This is to giue a doggeand in recompence desire my dogge againe. Enter DukeViolaCurioand Lords.
Duke. Belong you to the Lady Oliuiafriends? Clo. I sirwe are some of her trappings
Duke. I know thee well: how doest thou my good Fellow? Clo. Truely sirthe better for my foesand the worse for my friends
Du. Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends
Clo. No sirthe worse
Du. How can that be?
Clo. Marry sirthey praise meand make an asse of me now my foes tell me plainlyI am an Asse: so that by my foes sirI profit in the knowledge of my selfeand by my
friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kissesif your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiueswhy then the worse for my friendsand the better for my foes
Du. Why this is excellent
Clo. By my troth sirno: though it please you to be one of my friends
Du. Thou shalt not be the worse for methere's gold
Clo. But that it would be double dealing sirI would you could make it another
Du. O you giue me ill counsell
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket sirfor this once and let your flesh and blood obey it
Du. WellI will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer: there's another
Clo. Primosecundotertiois a good playand the olde saying isthe third payes for all: the triplex siris a good tripping measureor the belles of S[aint]. Bennet sirmay put you in mindeonetwothree
Du. You can foole no more money out of mee at this throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak with herand bring her along with youit may awake my bounty further
Clo. Marry sirlullaby to your bountie till I come agen. I go sirbut I would not haue you to thinkethat my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as you say sirlet your bounty take a nappeI will awake it anon.
Enter Anthonio and Officers.
Vio. Here comes the man sirthat did rescue mee
Du. That face of his I do remember well Yet when I saw it lastit was besmear'd As blacke as Vulcanin the smoake of warre: A bawbling Vessell was he Captaine of For shallow draught and bulke vnprizable With which such scathfull grapple did he make With the most noble bottome of our Fleete That very enuyand the tongue of losse Cride fame and honor on him: What's the matter?
1.Offi. Orsinothis is that Anthonio That tooke the Phoenixand her fraught from Candy And this is he that did the Tiger boord When your yong Nephew Titus lost his legge; Heere in the streetsdesperate of shame and state In priuate brabble did we apprehend him
Vio. He did me kindnesse sirdrew on my side But in conclusion put strange speech vpon me I know not what 'twasbut distraction
Du. Notable Pyratethou salt-water Theefe What foolish boldnesse brought thee to their mercies Whom thou in termes so bloudieand so deere Hast made thine enemies?
Ant. Orsino: Noble sir Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you giue mee: Anthonio neuer yet was Theefeor Pyrate Though I confesseon base and ground enough Orsino's enemie. A witchcraft drew me hither: That most ingratefull boy there by your side From the rude seas enrag'd and foamy mouth Did I redeeme: a wracke past hope he was: His life I gaue himand did thereto adde My loue without retentionor restraint All his in dedication. For his sake Did I expose my selfe (pure for his loue) Into the danger of this aduerse Towne Drew to defend himwhen he was beset: Where being apprehendedhis false cunning (Not meaning to partake with me in danger) Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance And grew a twentie yeeres remoued thing While one would winke: denide me mine owne purse Which I had recommended to his vse Not halfe an houre before
Vio. How can this be? Du. When came he to this Towne? Ant. To day my Lord: and for three months before
No intrimnot a minutes vacancie Both day and night did we keepe companie. Enter Oliuia and attendants.
Du. Heere comes the Countessenow heauen walkes on earth: But for thee fellowfellow thy words are madnesse Three monthes this youth hath tended vpon mee But more of that anon. Take him aside
Ol. What would my Lordbut that he may not haue Wherein Oliuia may seeme seruiceable? Cesarioyou do not keepe promise with me
Vio. Madam: Du. Gracious Oliuia
Ol. What do you say Cesario? Good my Lord
Vio. My Lord would speakemy dutie hushes me
Ol. If it be ought to the old tune my Lord It is as fat and fulsome to mine eare As howling after Musicke
Du. Still so cruell? Ol. Still so constant Lord
Du. What to peruersenesse? you vnciuill Ladie To whose ingrateand vnauspicious Altars My soule the faithfull'st offrings haue breath'd out That ere deuotion tender'd. What shall I do?
Ol. Euen what it please my Lordthat shal becom him Du. Why should I not(had I the heart to do it) Like to th' Egyptian theefeat point of death
Kill what I loue: (a sauage iealousie That sometime sauours nobly) but heare me this: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith And that I partly know the instrument That screwes me from my true place in your fauour: Liue you the Marble-brested Tirant still. But this your Minionwhom I know you loue And whomby heauen I sweareI tender deerely Him will I teare out of that cruell eye Where he sits crowned in his masters spight. Come boy with memy thoughts are ripe in mischiefe: Ile sacrifice the Lambe that I do loue To spight a Rauens heart within a Doue
Vio. And I most iocundaptand willinglie To do you resta thousand deaths would dye
Ol. Where goes Cesario?
Vio. After him I loue More then I loue these eyesmore then my life More by all moresthen ere I shall loue wife. If I do feigneyou witnesses aboue Punish my lifefor tainting of my loue
Ol. Aye me detestedhow am I beguil'd? Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong? Ol. Hast thou forgot thy selfe? Is it so long?
Call forth the holy Father
Ol. Whether my Lord? CesarioHusbandstay
Du. Husband? Ol. I Husband. Can he that deny? Du. Her husbandsirrah? Vio. No my Lordnot I
Ol. Alasit is the basenesse of thy feare That makes thee strangle thy propriety: Feare not Cesariotake thy fortunes vp Be that thou know'st thou artand then thou art As great as that thou fear'st. Enter Priest.
O welcome Father: FatherI charge thee by thy reuerence Heere to vnfoldthough lately we intended To keepe in darkenessewhat occasion now Reueales before 'tis ripe: what thou dost know Hath newly pastbetweene this youthand me
Priest. A Contract of eternall bond of loue Confirm'd by mutuall ioynder of your hands Attested by the holy close of lippes Strengthned by enterchangement of your rings And all the Ceremonie of this compact Seal'd in my functionby my testimony: Since whenmy watch hath told metoward my graue I haue trauail'd but two houres
Du. O thou dissembling Cub: what wilt thou be When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? Or will not else thy craft so quickely grow
That thine owne trip shall be thine ouerthrow: Farewelland take herbut direct thy feete Where thouand I (henceforth) may neuer meet
Vio. My LordI do protest
Ol. O do not sweare Hold little faiththough thou hast too much feare. Enter Sir Andrew.
And. For the loue of God a Surgeonsend one presently to sir Toby
Ol. What's the matter? And. H'as broke my head acrosseand has giuen Sir Toby a bloody Coxcombe too: for the loue of God your
helpeI had rather then forty pound I were at home
Ol. Who has done this sir Andrew? And. The Counts Gentlemanone Cesario: we tooke him for a Cowardbut hee's the verie diuellincardinate
Du. My Gentleman Cesario?
And. Odd's lifelings heere he is: you broke my head for nothingand that that I didI was set on to do't by sir Toby
Vio. Why do you speake to meI neuer hurt you: You drew your sword vpon me without cause But I bespake you faireand hurt you not. Enter Toby and Clowne.
And. If a bloody coxcombe be a hurtyou haue hurt me: I thinke you set nothing by a bloody Coxecombe. Heere comes sir Toby haltingyou shall heare more: but if he had not beene in drinkehee would haue tickel'd you other gates then he did
Du. How now Gentleman? how ist with you? To. That's all onehas hurt meand there's th' end on't: Sotdidst see Dicke Surgeonsot? Clo. O he's drunke sir Toby an houre agone: his eyes were set at eight i'th morning
To. Then he's a Rogueand a passy measures pauyn: I hate a drunken rogue
Ol. Away with him? Who hath made this hauocke with them? And. Ile helpe you sir Tobybecause we'll be drest together
To. Will you helpe an Asse-headand a coxcombe& a knaue: a thin fac'd knauea gull? Ol. Get him to bedand let his hurt be look'd too. Enter Sebastian.
Seb. I am sorry Madam I haue hurt your kinsman: But had it beene the brother of my blood I must haue done no lesse with wit and safety. You throw a strange regard vpon meand by that I do perceiue it hath offended you: Pardon me (sweet one) euen for the vowes We made each otherbut so late ago
Du. One faceone voiceone habitand two persons A naturall Perspectiuethat isand is not
Seb. Anthonio: O my deere Anthonio How haue the houres rack'dand tortur'd me Since I haue lost thee?
Ant. Sebastian are you? Seb. Fear'st thou that Anthonio? Ant. How haue you made diuision of your selfe
An apple cleft in twois not more twin Then these two creatures. Which is Sebastian? Ol. Most wonderfull
Seb. Do I stand there? I neuer had a brother: Nor can there be that Deity in my nature Of heereand euery where. I had a sister Whom the blinde waues and surges haue deuour'd: Of charitywhat kinne are you to me? What Countreyman? What name? What Parentage?
Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my Father Such a Sebastian was my brother too: So went he suited to his watery tombe: If spirits can assume both forme and suite You come to fright vs
Seb. A spirit I am indeed But am in that dimension grossely clad Which from the wombe I did participate. Were you a womanas the rest goes euen I should my teares let fall vpon your cheeke And saythrice welcome drowned Viola
Vio. My father had a moale vpon his brow
Seb. And so had mine
Vio. And dide that day when Viola from her birth Had numbred thirteene yeares
Seb. O that record is liuely in my soule He finished indeed his mortall acte That day that made my sister thirteene yeares
Vio. If nothing lets to make vs happie both But this my masculine vsurp'd attyre: Do not embrace metill each circumstance Of placetimefortunedo cohere and iumpe That I am Violawhich to confirme Ile bring you to a Captaine in this Towne Where lye my maiden weeds: by whose gentle helpe I was preseru'd to serue this Noble Count: All the occurrence of my fortune since Hath beene betweene this Ladyand this Lord
Seb. So comes it Ladyyou haue beene mistooke: But Nature to her bias drew in that. You would haue bin contracted to a Maid Nor are you therein (by my life) deceiu'd You are betroth'd both to a maid and man
Du. Be not amaz'dright noble is his blood: If this be soas yet the glasse seemes true I shall haue share in this most happy wracke Boythou hast saide to me a thousand times
Thou neuer should'st loue woman like to me
Vio. And all those sayingswill I ouer sweare And all those swearings keepe as true in soule As doth that Orbed Continentthe fire That seuers day from night
Du. Giue me thy hand And let me see thee in thy womans weedes
Vio. The Captaine that did bring me first on shore Hath my Maides garments: he vpon some Action Is now in duranceat Maluolio's suite a Gentlemanand follower of my Ladies
Ol. He shall inlarge him: fetch Maluolio hither And yet alasnow I remember me They say poore Gentlemanhe's much distract. Enter Clowne with a Letterand Fabian.
A most extracting frensie of mine owne From my remembranceclearly banisht his. How does he sirrah?
Cl. Truely Madamhe holds Belzebub at the staues end as well as a man in his case may do: has heere writ a letter to youI should haue giuen't you to day morning. But as a madmans Epistles are no Gospelsso it skilles not much when they are deliuer'd
Ol. Open'tand read it
Clo. Looke then to be well edifiedwhen the Foole deliuers the Madman. By the Lord Madam
Ol. How nowart thou mad?
Clo. No MadamI do but reade madnesse: and your Ladyship will haue it as it ought to beeyou must allow Vox
Ol. Prethee reade i'thy right wits
Clo. So I do Madona: but to reade his right witsis to reade thus: thereforeperpend my Princesseand giue eare
Ol. Read it yousirrah
Fab. Reads. By the Lord Madamyou wrong meand the world shall know it: Though you haue put mee into darkenesseand giuen your drunken Cosine rule ouer me yet haue I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladieship. I haue your owne letterthat induced mee to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt notbut to do my selfe much rightor you much shame: thinke of me as you please. I leaue my duty a little vnthought of and speake out of my iniury. The madly vs'd Maluolio
Ol. Did he write this? Clo. I Madame
Du. This sauours not much of distraction
Ol. See him deliuer'd Fabianbring him hither: My Lordso please youthese things further thought on
To thinke me as well a sisteras a wife One day shall crowne th' alliance on'tso please you Heere at my houseand at my proper cost
Du. MadamI am most apt t' embrace your offer: Your Master quits you: and for your seruice done him So much against the mettle of your sex So farre beneath your soft and tender breeding And since you call'd me Masterfor so long: Heere is my handyou shall from this time bee Your Masters Mistris
Ol. A sisteryou are she. Enter Maluolio.
Du. Is this the Madman? Ol. I my Lordthis same: How now Maluolio? Mal. Madamyou haue done me wrong
Ol. Haue I Maluolio? No
Mal. Lady you hauepray you peruse that Letter. You must not now denie it is your hand Write from it if you canin handor phrase Or saytis not your sealenot your inuention: You can say none of this. Wellgrant it then And tell me in the modestie of honor Why you haue giuen me such cleare lights of fauour Bad me come smilingand crosse-garter'd to you To put on yellow stockingsand to frowne Vpon sir Tobyand the lighter people: And acting this in an obedient hope Why haue you suffer'd me to be imprison'd Kept in a darke housevisited by the Priest And made the most notorious gecke and gull That ere inuention plaid on? Tell me why?
Ol. Alas Maluoliothis is not my writing Though I confesse much like the Charracter: But out of questiontis Marias hand. And now I do bethinke meit was shee First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling And in such formeswhich heere were presuppos'd Vpon thee in the Letter: prethee be content This practice hath most shrewdly past vpon thee: But when we know the groundsand authors of it Thou shalt be both the Plaintiffe and the Iudge Of thine owne cause
Fab. Good Madam heare me speake And let no quarrellnor no braule to come Taint the condition of this present houre Which I haue wondred at. In hope it shall not Most freely I confesse my selfeand Toby Set this deuice against Maluolio heere Vpon some stubborne and vncourteous parts We had conceiu'd against him. Maria writ The Letterat sir Tobyes great importance In recompence whereofhe hath married her: How with a sportfull malice it was follow'd May rather plucke on laughter then reuenge If that the iniuries be iustly weigh'd That haue on both sides past
Ol. Alas poore Foolehow haue they baffel'd thee?
Clo. Why some are borne greatsome atchieue greatnesse
and some haue greatnesse throwne vpon them. I
was one sirin this Enterludeone sir Topas sirbut that's
all one: By the Lord FooleI am not mad: but do you remember
Madamwhy laugh you at such a barren rascall
and you smile not he's gag'd: and thus the whirlegigge
of timebrings in his reuenges
Mal. Ile be reueng'd on the whole packe of you? Ol. He hath bene most notoriously abus'd