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Twelfe NightOr what you will

Actus PrimusScaena Prima.

Enter Orsino Duke of IllyriaCurioand other Lords.

Duke. If Musicke be the food of Loueplay on
Giue me excesse of it: that surfetting
The appetite may sickenand so dye.
That straine agenit had a dying fall:
Oit came ore my earelike the sweet sound
That breathes vpon a banke of Violets;
Stealingand giuing Odour. Enoughno more
'Tis not so sweet nowas it was before.
O spirit of Louehow quicke and fresh art thou
That notwithstanding thy capacitie
Receiueth as the Sea. Nought enters there
Of what validityand pitch so ere
But falles into abatementand low price
Euen in a minute; so full of shapes is fancie
That it aloneis high fantasticall

Cu. Will you go hunt my Lord?
Du. What Curio?
Cu. The Hart


Du. Why so I dothe Noblest that I haue:
O when mine eyes did see Oliuia first
Me thought she purg'd the ayre of pestilence;
That instant was I turn'd into a Hart
And my desires like fell and cruell hounds
Ere since pursue me. How now what newes from her?
Enter Valentine.

Val. So please my LordI might not be admitted
But from her handmaid do returne this answer:
The Element it selfetill seuen yeares heate
Shall not behold her face at ample view:
But like a Cloystresse she will vailed walke
And water once a day her Chamber round
With eye-offending brine: all this to season
A brothers dead louewhich she would keepe fresh
And lastingin her sad remembrance

Du. O she that hath a heart of that fine frame
To pay this debt of loue but to a brother
How will she louewhen the rich golden shaft
Hath kill'd the flocke of all affections else
That liue in her. When LiuerBraineand Heart
These soueraigne thronesare all supply'd and fill'd
Her sweete perfections with one selfe king:
Away before meto sweet beds of Flowres
Loue-thoughts lye richwhen canopy'd with bowres.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.


Enter Violaa Captaineand Saylors.

Vio. What Country (Friends) is this?
Cap. This is Illyria Ladie


Vio. And what should I do in Illyria?
My brother he is in Elizium
Perchance he is not drown'd: What thinke you saylors?

Cap. It is perchance that you your selfe were saued

Vio. O my poore brotherand so perchance may he be

Cap. True Madamand to comfort you with chance
Assure your selfeafter our ship did split
When youand those poore number saued with you
Hung on our driuing boate: I saw your brother
Most prouident in perillbinde himselfe
(Courage and hope both teaching him the practise)
To a strong Mastethat liu'd vpon the sea:
Where like Orion on the Dolphines backe
I saw him hold acquaintance with the waues
So long as I could see

Vio. For saying sothere's Gold:
Mine owne escape vnfoldeth to my hope
Whereto thy speech serues for authoritie
The like of him. Know'st thou this Countrey?

Cap. I Madam wellfor I was bred and borne
Not three houres trauaile from this very place

Vio. Who gouernes heere?
Cap. A noble Duke in natureas in name


Vio. What is his name?
Cap. Orsino


Vio. Orsino: I haue heard my father name him.
He was a Batchellor then

Cap. And so is nowor was so very late:
For but a month ago I went from hence
And then 'twas fresh in murmure (as you know
What great ones dothe lesse will prattle of)
That he did seeke the loue of faire Oliuia

Vio. What's shee?

Cap. A vertuous maidthe daughter of a Count
That dide some tweluemonth sincethen leauing her
In the protection of his sonneher brother
Who shortly also dide: for whose deere loue
(They say) she hath abiur'd the sight
And company of men

Vio. O that I seru'd that Lady
And might not be deliuered to the world
Till I had made mine owne occasion mellow
What my estate is

Cap. That were hard to compasse
Because she will admit no kinde of suite
Nonot the Dukes

Vio. There is a faire behauiour in thee Captaine
And though that naturewith a beauteous wall


Doth oft close in pollution: yet of thee
I will beleeue thou hast a minde that suites
With this thy faire and outward charracter.
I prethee (and Ile pay thee bounteously)
Conceale me what I amand be my ayde
For such disguise as haply shall become
The forme of my intent. Ile serue this Duke
Thou shalt present me as an Eunuch to him
It may be worth thy paines: for I can sing
And speake to him in many sorts of Musicke
That will allow me very worth his seruice.
What else may hapto time I will commit
Onely shape thou thy silence to my wit


Cap. Be you his Eunuchand your Mute Ile bee
When my tongue blabsthen let mine eyes not see

Vio. I thanke thee: Lead me on.

Exeunt.

Scaena Tertia.

Enter Sir Tobyand Maria.

Sir To. What a plague meanes my Neece to take the
death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to
life

Mar. By my troth sir Tobyyou must come in earlyer
a nights: your Cosinmy Ladytakes great exceptions
to your ill houres

To. Why let her exceptbefore excepted

Ma. Ibut you must confine your selfe within the
modest limits of order

To. Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am:
these cloathes are good enough to drinke inand so bee
these boots too: and they be notlet them hang themselues
in their owne straps

Ma. That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I
heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish
knight that you brought in one night hereto be hir woer

To. WhoSir Andrew Ague-cheeke?
Ma. I he


To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria

Ma. What's that to th' purpose?
To. Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare


Ma. Ibut hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates:
He's a very fooleand a prodigall

To. Fiethat you'l say so: he playes o'th Viol-de-gamboys
and speaks three or four languages word for word
without booke& hath all the good gifts of nature

Ma. He hath indeedalmost naturall: for besides that
he's a foolehe's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath
the gift of a Cowardto allay the gust he hath in quarrelling


'tis thought among the prudenthe would quickely
haue the gift of a graue

Tob. By this hand they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they?
Ma. They that adde moreourhee's drunke nightly
in your company

To. With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke
to her as long as there is a passage in my throat& drinke
in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not
drinke to my Neecetill his braines turne o'th toelike a
parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms
Sir Andrew Agueface.
Enter Sir Andrew.

And. Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch?
To. Sweet sir Andrew


And. Blesse you faire Shrew

Mar. And you too sir

Tob. Accost Sir Andrewaccost

And. What's that?
To. My Neeces Chamber-maid


Ma. Good Mistris accostI desire better acquaintance
Ma. My name is Mary sir

And. Good mistris Maryaccost

ToYou mistake knight: Accostis front herboord
herwoe herassayle her

And. By my troth I would not vndertake her in this
company. Is that the meaning of Accost?
Ma. Far you well Gentlemen

To. And thou let part so Sir Andrewwould thou
mightst neuer draw sword agen

And. And you part so mistrisI would I might neuer
draw sword agen: Faire Ladydoe you thinke you haue
fooles in hand?

Ma. SirI haue not you by'th hand

An. Marry but you shall haueand heeres my hand

Ma. Now sirthought is free: I pray you bring your
hand to'th Buttry barreand let it drinke

An. Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor?
Ma. It's dry sir


And. Why I thinke so: I am not such an assebut I
can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest?
Ma. A dry iest Sir

And. Are you full of them?
Ma. I SirI haue them at my fingers ends: marry now
I let go your handI am barren.


Exit Maria

To. O knightthou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did
I see thee so put downe?

An. Neuer in your life I thinkevnlesse you see Canarie
put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no
more wit then a Christianor an ordinary man ha's: but I
am a great eater of beefeand I beleeue that does harme
to my wit

To. No question

An. And I thought thatI'de forsweare it. Ile ride
home to morrow sir Toby

To. Pur-quoy my deere knight?

An. What is purquoy? Door not do? I would I had
bestowed that time in the tonguesthat I haue in fencing
dancingand beare-bayting: O had I but followed the
Arts

To. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire

An. Whywould that haue mended my haire?
To. Past questionfor thou seest it will not coole my nature
An. But it becoms me wel enoughdost not?
To. Excellentit hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope

to see a huswife take thee between her legs& spin it off

An. Faith Ile home to morrow sir Tobyyour niece wil
not be seeneor if she be it's four to oneshe'l none of me:
the Count himselfe here hard bywooes her

To. Shee'l none o'th Countshe'l not match aboue hir
degreeneither in estateyearesnor wit: I haue heard her
swear't. Tut there's life in't man

And. Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o'th
strangest minde i'th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels
sometimes altogether

To. Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?

And. As any man in Illyriawhatsoeuer he bevnder
the degree of my betters& yet I will not compare with
an old man

To. What is thy excellence in a galliardknight?
And. FaithI can cut a caper


To. And I can cut the Mutton too't

And. And I thinke I haue the backe-trickesimply as
strong as any man in Illyria

To. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue
these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take
dustlike mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe
to Church in a Galliardand come home in a Carranto?
My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much
as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou
meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by
the excellent constitution of thy leggeit was form'd vnder
the starre of a Galliard


And. I'tis strongand it does indifferent well in a
dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels?
To. What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder
Taurus?
And. Taurus? That sides and heart

To. No sirit is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper.
Hahigher: hahaexcellent.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter Valentineand Viola in mans attire.

Val. If the Duke continue these fauours towards you
Cesarioyou are like to be much aduanc'dhe hath known
you but three dayesand already you are no stranger

Vio. You either feare his humouror my negligence
that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is
he inconstant sirin his fauours

Val. No beleeue me.
Enter DukeCurioand Attendants.

Vio. I thanke you: heere comes the Count

Duke. Who saw Cesario hoa?
Vio. On your attendance my Lord heere


Du. Stand you a-while aloofe. Cesario
Thou knowst no lessebut all: I haue vnclasp'd
To thee the booke euen of my secret soule.
Therefore good youthaddresse thy gate vnto her
Be not deni'de accessestand at her doores
And tell themthere thy fixed foot shall grow
Till thou haue audience

Vio. Sure my Noble Lord
If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
As it is spokeshe neuer will admit me

Du. Be clamorousand leape all ciuill bounds

Rather then make vnprofited returne
Vio. Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then?
Du. O thenvnfold the passion of my loue

Surprize her with discourse of my deere faith;
It shall become thee well to act my woes:
She will attend it better in thy youth
Then in a Nuntio's of more graue aspect


Vio. I thinke not somy Lord

Du. Deere Ladbeleeue it;
For they shall yet belye thy happy yeeres
That say thou art a man: Dianas lip
Is not more smoothand rubious: thy small pipe
Is as the maidens organshrilland sound
And all is semblatiue a womans part.
I know thy constellation is right apt
For this affayre: some foure or fiue attend him
All if you will: for I my selfe am best
When least in companie: prosper well in this


And thou shalt liue as freely as thy Lord
To call his fortunes thine

Vio. Ile do my best
To woe your Lady: yet a barrefull strife
Who ere I woemy selfe would be his wife.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Mariaand Clowne.

Ma. Nayeither tell me where thou hast binor I will
not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enterin way
of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence

Clo. Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this
worldneeds to feare no colours

Ma. Make that good

Clo. He shall see none to feare

Ma. A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y
saying was borneof I feare no colours

Clo. Where good mistris Mary?
Ma. In the warrs& that may you be bolde to say in
your foolerie

Clo. WellGod giue them wisedome that haue it: &
those that are fooleslet them vse their talents

Ma. Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent
or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to
you?

Clo. Many a good hangingpreuents a bad marriage:
and for turning awaylet summer beare it out

Ma. You are resolute then?

Clo. Not so neytherbut I am resolu'd on two points

Ma. That if one breakethe other will hold: or if both
breakeyour gaskins fall

Clo. Apt in good faithvery apt: well go thy wayif
sir Toby would leaue drinkingthou wert as witty a piece
of Eues fleshas any in Illyria

Ma. Peace you rogueno more o'that: here comes my
Lady: make your excuse wiselyyou were best.
Enter Lady Oliuiawith Maluolio.

Clo. Witand't be thy willput me into good fooling:
those wits that thinke they haue theedoe very oft proue
fooles: and I that am sure I lacke theemay passe for a
wise man. For what saies QuinapalusBetter a witty foole
then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady

Ol. Take the foole away

Clo. Do you not heare fellowestake away the Ladie


Ol. Go tooy'are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides
you grow dis-honest

Clo. Two faults Madonathat drinke & good counsell
wil amend: for giue the dry foole drinkthen is the foole
not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himselfif he mend
he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannotlet the Botcher
mend him: any thing that's mendedis but patch'd: vertu
that transgressesis but patcht with sinneand sin that amends
is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple
Sillogisme will serueso: if it will notwhat remedy?
As there is no true Cuckold but calamityso beauties a
flower; The Lady bad take away the fooletherefore I
say againetake her away

Ol. SirI bad them take away you

Clo. Misprision in the highest degree. LadyCucullus
non facit monachum: that's as much to sayas I weare not
motley in my braine: good Madonagiue mee leaue to
proue you a foole

Ol. Can you do it?
Clo. Dexteriouslygood Madona


Ol. Make your proofe

Clo. I must catechize you for it MadonaGood my
Mouse of vertue answer mee

Ol. Well sirfor want of other idlenesseIle bide your
proofe

Clo. Good Madonawhy mournst thou?
Ol. Good foolefor my brothers death


Clo. I thinke his soule is in hellMadona

Ol. I know his soule is in heauenfoole

Clo. The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your
Brothers soulebeing in heauen. Take away the Foole
Gentlemen

Ol. What thinke you of this foole Maluoliodoth he
not mend?

Mal. Yesand shall dotill the pangs of death shake
him: Infirmity that decaies the wisedoth euer make the
better foole

Clow. God send you sira speedie Infirmityfor the
better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that
I am no Foxbut he wil not passe his word for two pence
that you are no Foole

Ol. How say you to that Maluolio?

Mal. I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such
a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other daywith
an ordinary foolethat has no more braine then a stone.
Looke you nowhe's out of his gard already: vnles you
laugh and minister occasion to himhe is gag'd. I protest
I take these Wisementhat crow so at these set kinde of
foolesno better then the fooles Zanies


Ol. O you are sicke of selfe-loue Maluolioand taste
with a distemper'd appetite. To be generousguiltlesse
and of free dispositionis to take those things for Bird-bolts
that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander
in an allow'd foolethough he do nothing but rayle;
nor no raylingin a knowne discreet manthough hee do
nothing but reproue

Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasingfor thou
speak'st well of fooles.
Enter Maria.

Mar. Madamthere is at the gatea young Gentleman
much desires to speake with you

Ol. From the Count Orsinois it?
Ma I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young manand
well attended

Ol. Who of my people hold him in delay?
Ma. Sir Toby Madamyour kinsman


Ol. Fetch him off I pray youhe speakes nothing but
madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a suit
from the CountI am sickeor not at home. What you
willto dismisse it.

Exit Maluo.

Now you see sirhow your fooling growes old& people
dislike it

Clo. Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest
sonne should be a foole: whose scullIoue cramme with
brainesfor heere he comes.
Enter Sir Toby.

One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater

Ol. By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the
gate Cosin?
To. A Gentleman

Ol. A Gentleman? What Gentleman?
To. 'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o'these pickle
herring: How now Sot

Clo. Good Sir Toby

Ol. CosinCosinhow haue you come so earely by
this Lethargie?
To. LetcherieI defie Letchery: there's one at the
gate

Ol. I marrywhat is he?
To. Let him be the diuell and he willI care not: giue
me faith say I. Wellit's all one.

Exit

Ol. What's a drunken man likefoole?
Clo. Like a drown'd mana fooleand a madde man:
One draught aboue heatemakes him a foolethe second


maddes himand a third drownes him

Ol. Go thou and seeke the Crownerand let him sitte
o'my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's
drown'd: go looke after him

Clo. He is but mad yet Madonaand the foole shall
looke to the madman.
Enter Maluolio.

Mal. Madamyond young fellow sweares hee will
speake with you. I told him you were sickehe takes on
him to vnderstand so muchand therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleepehe seems to haue
a fore knowledge of that tooand therefore comes to
speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladiehee's
fortified against any deniall

Ol. Tell himhe shall not speake with me

Mal. Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at
your doore like a Sheriffes postand be the supporter to
a benchbut hee'l speake with you

Ol. What kinde o'man is he?
Mal. Why of mankinde


Ol. What manner of man?
Mal. Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with youwill
youor no

Ol. Of what personageand yeeres is he?

Mal. Not yet old enough for a mannor yong enough
for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescodor a Codling
when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water
betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd
and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his
mothers milke were scarse out of him

Ol. Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman

Mal. Gentlewomanmy Lady calles.
Enter.

Enter Maria.

Ol. Giue me my vaile: come throw it ore my face
Wee'l once more heare Orsinos Embassie.
Enter Violenta.

Vio. The honorable Ladie of the housewhich is she?
Ol. Speake to meI shall answer for her: your will


Vio. Most radiantexquisiteand vnmatchable beautie.
I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house
for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my
speech: for besides that it is excellently well pendI haue
taken great paines to con it. Good Beautieslet mee sustaine
no scorne; I am very comptibleeuen to the least
sinister vsage

Ol. Whence came you sir?
Vio. I can say little more then I haue studied& that
question's out of my part. Good gentle onegiue mee


modest assuranceif you be the Ladie of the housethat | I
may proceede in my speech

Ol. Are you a Comedian?

Vio. No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie
phangs of maliceI sweare) I am not that I play. Are you
the Ladie of the house?

Ol. If I do not vsurpe my selfeI am

Vio. Most certaineif you are sheyou do vsurp your
selfe: for what is yours to bestoweisnot yours to reserue.
But this is from my Commission: I will on with
my speech in your praiseand then shew you the heart of
my message

Ol. Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you
the praise

Vio. AlasI tooke great paines to studie itand 'tis
Poeticall

Ol. It is the more like to be feignedI pray you keep
it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates& allowd your
approach rather to wonder at youthen to heare you. If
you be not madbe gone: if you haue reasonbe breefe:
'tis not that time of Moone with meto make one in so
skipping a dialogue

Ma. Will you hoyst sayle sirhere lies your way

Vio. No good swabberI am to hull here a little longer.
Some mollification for your Giantsweete Ladie;
tell me your mindeI am a messenger

Ol. Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer
when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office

Vio. It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture
of warreno taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe
in my hand: my words are as full of peaceas matter

Ol. Yet you began rudely. What are you?
What would you?

Vio. The rudenesse that hath appear'd in meehaue I
learn'd from my entertainment. What I amand what I
wouldare as secret as maiden-head: to your earesDiuinity;
to any othersprophanation

Ol. Giue vs the place alone
We will heare this diuinitie. Now sirwhat is your text?
Vio. Most sweet Ladie

Ol. A comfortable doctrineand much may bee saide
of it. Where lies your Text?
Vio. In Orsinoes bosome

Ol. In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome?
Vio. To answer by the methodin the first of his hart


Ol. OI haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more
to say?
Vio. Good Madamlet me see your face

Ol. Haue you any Commission from your Lordto


negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text:
but we will draw the Curtainand shew you the picture.
Looke you sirsuch a one I was this present: Ist not well
done?

Vio. Excellently doneif God did all

Ol. 'Tis in graine sir'twill endure winde and weather

Vio. Tis beauty truly blentwhose red and white
Natures owne sweetand cunning hand laid on:
Ladyyou are the cruell'st shee aliue
If you will leade these graces to the graue
And leaue the world no copie

Ol. O sirI will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue
out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried
and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As
Item two lippes indifferent reddeItem two grey eyes
with lids to them: Itemone neckeone chin& so forth.
Were you sent hither to praise me?

Vio. I see you what you areyou are too proud:
But if you were the diuellyou are faire:
My Lordand master loues you: O such loue
Could be but recompenc'dthough you were crown'd
The non-pareil of beautie

Ol. How does he loue me?
Vio. With adorationsfertill teares
With groanes that thunder louewith sighes of fire

Ol. Your Lord does know my mindI cannot loue him
Yet I suppose him vertuousknow him noble
Of great estateof fresh and stainlesse youth;
In voyces well divulg'dfreelearn'dand valiant
And in dimensionand the shape of nature
A gracious person; But yet I cannot loue him:
He might haue tooke his answer long ago

Vio. If I did loue you in my masters flame
With such a suffringsuch a deadly life:
In your deniallI would finde no sence
I would not vnderstand it

Ol. Whywhat would you?

Vio. Make me a willow Cabine at your gate
And call vpon my soule within the house
Write loyall Cantons of contemned loue
And sing them lowd euen in the dead of night:
Hallow your name to the reuerberate hilles
And make the babling Gossip of the aire
Cry out Oliuia: O you should not rest
Betweene the elements of ayreand earth
But you should pittie me

Ol. You might do much:
What is your Parentage?
Vio. Aboue my fortunesyet my state is well:
I am a Gentleman

Ol. Get you to your Lord:
I cannot loue him: let him send no more
Vnlesse (perchance) you come to me againe
To tell me how he takes it: Fare you well:
I thanke you for your paines: spend this for mee


Vio. I am no feede poastLady; keepe your purse
My Masternot my selfelackes recompence.
Loue make his heart of flintthat you shal loue
And let your feruour like my masters be
Plac'd in contempt: Farwell fayre crueltie.

Exit

Ol. What is your Parentage?
Aboue my fortunesyet my state is well;
I am a Gentleman. Ile be sworne thou art
Thy tonguethy facethy limbesactionsand spirit
Do giue thee fiue-fold blazon: not too fast: softsoft
Vnlesse the Master were the man. How now?
Euen so quickly may one catch the plague?
Me thinkes I feele this youths perfections
With an inuisibleand subtle stealth
To creepe in at mine eyes. Welllet it be.
What hoaMaluolio.
Enter Maluolio.

Mal. Heere Madamat your seruice

Ol. Run after that same peeuish Messenger
The Countes man: he left this Ring behinde him
Would Ior not: tell himIle none of it.
Desire him not to flatter with his Lord
Nor hold him vp with hopesI am not for him:
If that the youth will come this way to morrow
Ile giue him reasons for't: hie thee Maluolio

Mal. MadamI will.
Enter.

Ol. I do I know not whatand feare to finde
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my minde:
Fateshew thy forceour selues we do not owe
What is decreedmust be: and be this so.

FinisActus primus.

Actus SecundusScaena prima.

Enter Antonio & Sebastian.

Ant. Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that
I go with you

Seb. By your patienceno: my starres shine darkely
ouer me; the malignancie of my fatemight perhaps distemper
yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue
that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence
for your loueto lay any of them on you

An. Let me yet know of youwhither you are bound

Seb. No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere
extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch
of modestiethat you will not extort from mewhat I am
willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners
the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee
then Antoniomy name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo)


my father was that Sebastian of Messalinewhom I
know you haue heard of. He left behinde himmy selfe
and a sisterboth borne in an houre: if the Heauens had
beene pleas'dwould we had so ended. But you siralter'd
thatfor some houre before you tooke me from the
breach of the seawas my sister drown'd

Ant. Alas the day

Seb. A Lady sirthough it was said shee much resembled
mewas yet of many accounted beautiful: but thogh
I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue
thatyet thus farre I will boldly publish hershee
bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is
drown'd already sir with salt waterthough I seeme to
drowne her remembrance againe with more

Ant. Pardon me siryour bad entertainment

Seb. O good Antonioforgiue me your trouble

Ant. If you will not murther me for my louelet mee
be your seruant

Seb. If you will not vndo what you haue donethat is
kill himwhom you haue recouer'ddesire it not. Fare
ye well at oncemy bosome is full of kindnesseand I
am yet so neere the manners of my motherthat vpon the
least occasion moremine eyes will tell tales of me: I am
bound to the Count Orsino's Courtfarewell.

Exit

Ant. The gentlenesse of all the gods go with thee:
I haue many enemies in Orsino's Court
Else would I very shortly see thee there:
But come what mayI do adore thee so
That danger shall seeme sportand I will go.
Enter.

Scaena Secunda.

Enter Viola and Maluolioat seuerall doores.

Mal. Were not you eu'n nowwith the Countesse Oliuia?
Vio. Euen now siron a moderate paceI haue since ariu'd
but hither

Mal. She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might
haue saued mee my painesto haue taken it away your
selfe. She adds moreouerthat you should put your Lord
into a desperate assuranceshe will none of him. And one
thing morethat you be neuer so hardie to come againe
in his affairesvnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking
of this: receiue it so

Vio. She tooke the Ring of meIle none of it

Mal. Come siryou peeuishly threw it to her: and
her will isit should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping
forthere it liesin your eye: if notbee it his that
findes it.
Enter.


Vio. I left no Ring with her: what meanes this Lady?
Fortune forbid my out-side haue not charm'd her:
She made good view of meindeed so much
That me thought her eyes had lost her tongue
For she did speake in starts distractedly.
She loues me surethe cunning of her passion
Inuites me in this churlish messenger:
None of my Lords Ring? Why he sent her none;
I am the manif it be soas tis
Poore Ladyshe were better loue a dreame:
DisguiseI see thou art a wickednesse
Wherein the pregnant enemie does much.
How easie is itfor the proper false
In womens waxen hearts to set their formes:
AlasO frailtie is the causenot wee
For such as we are madeif such we bee:
How will this fadge? My master loues her deerely
And I (poore monster) fond asmuch on him:
And she (mistaken) seemes to dote on me:
What will become of this? As I am man
My state is desperate for my maisters loue:
As I am woman (now alas the day)
What thriftlesse sighes shall poore Oliuia breath?
O timethou must vntangle thisnot I
It is too hard a knot for me t' vnty.

Scoena Tertia.

Enter Sir Tobyand Sir Andrew.

To. Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after
midnightis to be vp betimesand Deliculo surgerethou
know'st

And. Nay by my troth I know not: but I knowto
be vp lateis to be vp late

To. A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne.
To be vp after midnightand to go to bed then is early:
so that to go to bed after midnightis to goe to bed betimes.
Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?

And. Faith so they saybut I thinke it rather consists
of eating and drinking

To. Th'art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke
Marian I saya stoope of wine.
Enter Clowne.

And. Heere comes the foole yfaith

Clo. How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture
of we three?
To. Welcome assenow let's haue a catch

And. By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I
had rather then forty shillings I had such a leggeand so
sweet a breath to singas the foole has. Insooth thou wast
in very gracious fooling last nightwhen thou spok'st of
Pigrogromitusof the Vapians passing the Equinoctial of
Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence
for thy Lemonhadst it?

Clo. I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose
is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white handand the


Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses

An. Excellent: Why this is the best foolingwhen
all is done. Now a song

To. Come onthere is sixe pence for you. Let's haue
a song

An. There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a
Clo. Would you haue a loue-songor a song of good
life?
To. A loue songa loue song

An. II. I care not for good life

Clowne sings .
O Mistris mine where are you roming?
O stay and heareyour true loues coming
That can sing both high and low.
Trip no further prettie sweeting.
Iourneys end in louers meeting
Euery wise mans sonne doth know

An. Excellent goodifaith

To. Goodgood

Clo. What is louetis not heereafter
Present mirthhath present laughter:
What's to comeis still vnsure.
In delay there lies no plentie
Then come kisse me sweet and twentie:
Youths a stuffe will not endure

An. A mellifluous voyceas I am true knight

To. A contagious breath

An. Very sweetand contagious ifaith

To. To heare by the noseit is dulcet in contagion.
But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee
rowze the night-Owle in a Catchthat will drawe three
soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?

And. And you loue melet's doo't: I am dogge at a
Catch

Clo. Byrlady sirand some dogs will catch well

An. Most certaine: Let our Catch beThou Knaue

Clo. Hold thy peacethou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd
in'tto call thee knaueKnight

An. 'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to
call me knaue. Begin foole: it beginsHold thy peace

Clo. I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace

An. Good ifaith: Come begin.

Catch sung

Enter Maria.


Mar. What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If
my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolioand
bid him turne you out of dooresneuer trust me

To. My Lady's a Catayanwe are politiciansMaluolios
a Peg-a-ramsieand Three merry men be wee. Am not I
consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie
There dwelt a man in BabylonLadyLady

Clo. Beshrew methe knights in admirable fooling

An. Ihe do's well enough if he be dispos'dand so
do I too: he does it with a better gracebut I do it more
naturall

To. O the twelfe day of December

Mar. For the loue o' God peace.
Enter Maluolio.

Mal. My masters are you mad? Or what are you?
Haue you no witmannersnor honestiebut to gabble
like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse
of my Ladies housethat ye squeak out your Coziers
Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice?
Is there no respect of placepersonsnor time in you?

To. We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp

Mal. Sir TobyI must be round with you. My Lady
bad me tell youthat though she harbors you as her kinsman
she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can
separate your selfe and your misdemeanorsyou are welcome
to the house: if notand it would please you to take
leaue of hershe is very willing to bid you farewell

To. Farewell deere heartsince I must needs be gone

Mar. Nay good Sir Toby

Clo. His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done

Mal. Is't euen so?
To. But I will neuer dye


Clo. Sir Toby there you lye

Mal. This is much credit to you

To. Shall I bid him go

Clo. What and if you do?
To. Shall I bid him goand spare not?
Clo. O nonononoyou dare not


To. Out o' tune sirye lye: Art any more then a Steward?
Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuousthere
shall be no more Cakes and Ale?

Clo. Yes by S[aint]. Anneand Ginger shall bee hotte y'th
mouth too

To. Th'art i'th right. Goe sirrub your Chaine with
crums. A stope of Wine Maria


Mal. Mistris Maryif you priz'd my Ladies fauour
at any thing more then contemptyou would not giue
meanes for this vnciuill rule; she shall know of it by this
hand.

Exit

Mar. Go shake your eares

An. 'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans
a hungrieto challenge him the fieldand then to breake
promise with himand make a foole of him

To. Doo't knightIle write thee a Challenge: or Ile
deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth

Mar. Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since
the youth of the Counts was to day with my Ladyshe is
much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluoliolet me alone
with him: If I do not gull him into a naywordand make
him a common recreationdo not thinke I haue witte enough
to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it

To. Possesse vspossesse vstell vs something of him

Mar. Marrie sirsometimes he is a kinde of Puritane

An. Oif I thought thatIde beate him like a dogge

To. What for being a Puritanthy exquisite reason
deere knight

An. I haue no exquisite reason for'tbut I haue reason
good enough

Mar. The diu'll a Puritane that hee isor any thing
constantly but a time-pleaseran affection'd Assethat
cons State without bookeand vtters it by great swarths.
The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes)
with excellenciesthat it is his grounds of faiththat all
that looke on himloue him: and on that vice in himwill
my reuenge finde notable cause to worke

To. What wilt thou do?

Mar. I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of
louewherein by the colour of his beardthe shape of his
leggethe manner of his gatethe expressure of his eye
foreheadand complectionhe shall finde himselfe most
feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie
your Neeceon a forgotten matter wee can hardly make
distinction of our hands

To. ExcellentI smell a deuice

An. I hau't in my nose too

To. He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop
that they come from my Neeceand that shee's in loue
with him

Mar. My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour

An. And your horse now would make him an Asse


Mar. AsseI doubt not

An. O twill be admirable

Mar. Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke
will worke with himI will plant you twoand let
the Foole make a thirdwhere he shall finde the Letter:
obserue his construction of it: For this night to bedand
dreame on the euent: Farewell.

Exit

To. Good night Penthisilea

An. Before me she's a good wench

To. She's a beagle true bredand one that adores me:
what o'that?
An. I was ador'd once too

To. Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for
more money

An. If I cannot recouer your NeeceI am a foule way
out

To. Send for money knightif thou hast her not i'th
endcall me Cut

An. If I do notneuer trust metake it how you will

To. ComecomeIle go burne some Sacketis too late
to go to bed now: Come knightcome knight.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter DukeViolaCurioand others

Du. Giue me some Musick; Now good morow frends.
Now good Cesariobut that peece of song
That old and Anticke song we heard last night;
Me thought it did releeue my passion much
More then light ayresand recollected termes
Of these most briske and giddy-paced times.
Comebut one verse

Cur. He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that

should sing it?
Du. Who was it?
Cur. Feste the Iester my Lorda foole that the Ladie

Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the
house

Du. Seeke him outand play the tune the while.

Musicke playes.

Come hither Boyif euer thou shalt loue
In the sweet pangs of itremember me:
For such as I amall true Louers are
Vnstaid and skittish in all motions else
Saue in the constant image of the creature


That is belou'd. How dost thou like this tune?
Vio. It giues a verie eccho to the seate
Where loue is thron'd

Du. Thou dost speake masterly
My life vpon'tyong though thou artthine eye
Hath staid vpon some fauour that it loues:
Hath it not boy?

Vio. A littleby your fauour

Du. What kinde of woman ist?
Vio. Of your complection


Du. She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith?
Vio. About your yeeres my Lord

Du. Too old by heauen: Let still the woman take
An elder then her selfeso weares she to him;
So swayes she leuell in her husbands heart:
For boyhoweuer we do praise our selues
Our fancies are more giddie and vnfirme
More longingwaueringsooner lost and worne
Then womens are

Vio. I thinke it well my Lord

Du. Then let thy Loue be yonger then thy selfe
Or thy affection cannot hold the bent:
For women are as Roseswhose faire flowre
Being once displaiddoth fall that verie howre

Vio. And so they are: alasthat they are so:
To dieeuen when they to perfection grow.
Enter Curio & Clowne.

Du. O fellow comethe song we had last night:
Marke it Cesarioit is old and plaine;
The Spinsters and the Knitters in the Sun
And the free maides that weaue their thred with bones
Do vse to chaunt it: it is silly sooth
And dallies with the innocence of loue
Like the old age

Clo. Are you ready Sir?
Duke. I prethee sing.


Musicke.


The Song.


Come awaycome away death
And in sad cypresse let me be laide.
Fye awayfie away breath
I am slaine by a faire cruell maide:
My shrowd of whitestuck all with EwO prepare it.
My part of death no one so true did share it.
Not a flowernot a flower sweete
On my blacke coffinlet there be strewne:
Not a friendnot a friend greet
My poore corpeswhere my bones shall be throwne:
A thousand thousand sighes to sauelay me o where
Sad true louer neuer find my graueto weepe there


Du. There's for thy paines


Clo. No paines sirI take pleasure in singing sir

Du. Ile pay thy pleasure then

Clo. Truely sirand pleasure will be paide one timeor
another

Du. Giue me now leaueto leaue thee

Clo. Now the melancholly God protect theeand the
Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffatafor thy
minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie
put to Seathat their businesse might be euery thing
and their intent euerie wherefor that's itthat alwayes
makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

Exit

Du. Let all the rest giue place: Once more Cesario
Get thee to yond same soueraigne crueltie:
Tell her my louemore noble then the world
Prizes not quantitie of dirtie lands
The parts that fortune hath bestow'd vpon her:
Tell her I hold as giddily as Fortune:
But 'tis that miracleand Queene of Iems
That nature prankes her inattracts my soule

Vio. But if she cannot loue you sir

Du. It cannot be so answer'd

Vio. Sooth but you must.
Say that some Ladyas perhappes there is
Hath for your loue as great a pang of heart
As you haue for Oliuia: you cannot loue her:
You tel her so: Must she not then be answer'd?

Du. There is no womans sides
Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
As loue doth giue my heart: no womans heart
So biggeto hold so muchthey lacke retention.
Alastheir loue may be call'd appetite
No motion of the Liuerbut the Pallat
That suffer surfetcloymentand reuolt
But mine is all as hungry as the Sea
And can digest as muchmake no compare
Betweene that loue a woman can beare me
And that I owe Oliuia

Vio. I but I know

Du. What dost thou knowe?

Vio. Too well what loue women to men may owe:
In faith they are as true of heartas we.
My Father had a daughter lou'd a man
As it might be perhapswere I a woman
I should your Lordship

Du. And what's her history?

Vio. A blanke my Lord: she neuer told her loue
But let concealment like a worme i'th budde
Feede on her damaske cheeke: she pin'd in thought
And with a greene and yellow melancholly
She sate like Patience on a Monument


Smiling at greefe. Was not this loue indeede?
We men may say moresweare morebut indeed
Our shewes are more then will: for still we proue
Much in our vowesbut little in our loue

Du. But di'de thy sister of her loue my Boy?

Vio. I am all the daughters of my Fathers house
And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
Sirshall I to this Lady?

Du. I that's the Theame
To her in haste: giue her this Iewell: say
My loue can giue no placebide no denay.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Sir TobySir Andrewand Fabian.

To. Come thy wayes Signior Fabian

Fab. Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport
let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly

To. Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly
Rascally sheepe-bitercome by some notable shame?
Fa. I would exult man: you know he brought me out
o' fauour with my Ladyabout a Beare-baiting heere

To. To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againeand
we will foole him blacke and blewshall we not sir Andrew?
An. And we do notit is pittie of our liues.
Enter Maria.

To. Heere comes the little villaine: How now my
Mettle of India?

Mar. Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's
comming downe this walkehe has beene yonder i'the
Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe
houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know
this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close
in the name of ieastinglye thou there: for heere comes
the Trowtthat must be caught with tickling.

Exit

Enter Maluolio.

Mal. 'Tis but Fortuneall is fortune. Maria once
told me she did affect meand I haue heard her self come
thus neerethat should shee fancieit should bee one of
my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted
respectthen any one else that followes her. What
should I thinke on't?

To. Heere's an ouer-weening rogue

Fa. Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey
Cocke of himhow he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes

And. Slight I could so beate the Rogue

To. Peace I say

Mal. To be Count Maluolio


To. Ah Rogue

An. Pistoll himpistoll him

To. Peacepeace

Mal. There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy
married the yeoman of the wardrobe

An. Fie on him Iezabel

Fa. O peacenow he's deepely in: looke how imagination
blowes him

Mal. Hauing beene three moneths married to her
sitting in my state

To. O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye

Mal. Calling my Officers about mein my branch'd
Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day beddewhere I
haue left Oliuia sleeping

To. Fire and Brimstone

Fa. O peacepeace

Mal. And then to haue the humor of state: and after
a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my
placeas I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my
kinsman Toby

To. Boltes and shackles

Fa. Oh peacepeacepeacenownow

Mal. Seauen of my people with an obedient start
make out for him: I frowne the whileand perchance
winde vp my watchor play with my some rich Iewell:
Toby approaches; curtsies there to me

To. Shall this fellow liue?
Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars
yet peace

Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my
familiar smile with an austere regard of controll

To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes
then?
Mal. SayingCosine Tobymy Fortunes hauing cast
me on your Neecegiue me this prerogatiue of speech

To. Whatwhat?
Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse


To. Out scab

Fab. Nay patienceor we breake the sinewes of our
plot?
Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time
with a foolish knight


And. That's mee I warrant you

Mal. One sir Andrew

And. I knew 'twas Ifor many do call mee foole

Mal. What employment haue we heere?
Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin


To. Oh peaceand the spirit of humors intimate reading
aloud to him

Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her
very C'sher V'sand her T'sand thus makes shee her
great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand

An. Her C'sher V'sand her T's: why that?

Mal. To the vnknowne belou'dthisand my good Wishes:
Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Softand the impressure
her Lucrecewith which she vses to seale: tis my
Lady: To whom should this be?

Fab. This winnes himLiuer and all

Mal. Ioue knowes I louebut whoLips do not mooueno
man must know. No man must know. What followes?
The numbers alter'd: No man must know
If this should be thee Maluolio?

To. Marrie hang thee brocke

Mal. I may command where I adorebut silence like a Lucresse
knife:
With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth goreM.O.A.I. doth
sway my life

Fa. A fustian riddle

To. Excellent Wenchsay I

Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first
let me seelet me seelet me see

Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him?
To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
Mal. I may commandwhere I adore: Why shee may


command me: I serue hershe is my Ladie. Why this is
euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction
in thisand the end: What should that Alphabeticall position
portendif I could make that resemble something
in me? SoftlyM.O.A.I

To. O Imake vp thathe is now at a cold sent

Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all thisthough it bee
as ranke as a Fox

Mal. M. MaluolioM. why that begins my name

Fab. Did not I say he would worke it outthe Curre
is excellent at faults

Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell
that suffers vnder probation: A. should followbut O.
does


Fa. And O shall endI hope

To. Ior Ile cudgell himand make him cry O

Mal. And then I. comes behind

Fa. Iand you had any eye behinde youyou might

see more detraction at your heelesthen Fortunes before

you

Mal. MOAI. This simulation is not as the former:

and yet to crush this a littleit would bow to meefor euery

one of these Letters are in my name. Softhere followes

prose: If this fall into thy handreuolue. In my stars

I am aboue theebut be not affraid of greatnesse: Some

are become greatsome atcheeues greatnesseand some

haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr

handslet thy blood and spirit embrace themand to invre

thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble

sloughand appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman

surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of

state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee

thus aduises theethat sighes for thee. Remember who

commended thy yellow stockingsand wish'd to see thee

euer crosse garter'd: I say remembergoe toothou art

made if thou desir'st to be so: If notlet me see thee a steward

stillthe fellow of seruantsand not woorthie to

touch Fortunes fingers FarewellShee that would alter

seruices with theethe fortunate vnhappy daylight and

champian discouers not more: This is openI will bee

proudI will reade politicke AuthoursI will baffle Sir

TobyI will wash off grosse acquaintanceI will be point

deuisethe very man. I do not now foole my selfeto let

imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this

that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow

stockings of lateshee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd

and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue&

with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of

her liking. I thanke my starresI am happy: I will bee

strangestoutin yellow stockingsand crosse Garter'd

euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioueand my

starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst

not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my louelet

it appeare in thy smilingthy smiles become thee well. Therefore

in my presence still smiledeero my sweeteI prethee. Ioue

I thanke theeI will smileI wil do euery thing that thou

wilt haue me.

Exit

Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension
of thousands to be paid from the Sophy

To. I could marry this wench for this deuice

An. So could I too

To. And aske no other dowry with herbut such another

iest.

Enter Maria.

An. Nor I neither

Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher


To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke

An. Or o'mine either?

To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-tripand becom
thy bondslaue?

An. Ifaithor I either?

Tob. Whythou hast put him in such a dreamethat
when the image of it leaues himhe must run mad

Ma. Nay but say truedo's it worke vpon him?
To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife


Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sportmark
his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her
in yellow stockingsand 'tis a colour she abhorresand
crosse garter'da fashion shee detests: and hee will smile
vpon herwhich will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition
being addicted to a melanchollyas shee isthat it
cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil
see it follow me

To. To the gates of Tartarthou most excellent diuell
of wit

And. Ile make one too.

Exeunt.

Finis Actus secundus

Actus TertiusScaena prima.

Enter Viola and Clowne.

Vio. Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue
by thy Tabor?

Clo. No sirI liue by the Church

Vio. Art thou a Churchman?

Clo. No such matter sirI do liue by the Church: For
I do liue at my houseand my house dooth stand by the
Church

Vio. So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a beggerif a
begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor
if thy Tabor stand by the Church

Clo. You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is
but a cheu'rill gloue to a good wittehow quickely the
wrong side may be turn'd outward

Vio. Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with
wordsmay quickely make them wanton

Clo. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir

Vio. Why man?

Clo. Why sirher names a wordand to dallie with
that wordmight make my sister wanton: But indeede
words are very Rascalssince bonds disgrac'd them

Vio. Thy reason man?


Clo. Troth sirI can yeeld you none without wordes
and wordes are growne so falseI am loath to proue reason
with them

Vio. I warrant thou art a merry fellowand car'st for
nothing

Clo. Not so sirI do care for something: but in my conscience
sirI do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing
sirI would it would make you inuisible

Vio. Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?

Clo. No indeed sirthe Lady Oliuia has no follyshee
will keepe no foole sirtill she be marriedand fooles are
as like husbandsas Pilchers are to Herringsthe Husbands
the biggerI am indeede not her foolebut hir corrupter
of words

Vio. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's

Clo. Foolery sirdoes walke about the Orbe like the
Sunit shines euery where. I would be sorry sirbut the
Foole should be as oft with your Masteras with my Mistris:
I thinke I saw your wisedome there

Vio. Nayand thou passe vpon meIle no more with
thee. Hold there's expences for thee

Clo. Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayresend
thee a beard

Vio. By my troth Ile tell theeI am almost sicke for
onethough I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is
thy Lady within?

Clo Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?

Vio. Yes being kept togetherand put to vse

Clo. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sirto bring
a Cressida to this Troylus

Vio. I vnderstand you sirtis well begg'd

Clo. The matter I hope is not great sir; beggingbut a
begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I
will conster to them whence you comewho you areand
what you would are out of my welkinI might say Element
but the word is ouer-worne.

Exit

Vio. This fellow is wise enough to play the foole
And to do that wellcraues a kinde of wit:
He must obserue their mood on whom he iests
The quality of personsand the time:
And like the Haggardchecke at euery Feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practice
As full of labour as a Wise-mans Art:
For folly that he wisely shewesis fit;
But wisemens folly falnequite taint their wit.
Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.

To. Saue you Gentleman

Vio. And you sir


And. Dieu vou guard Monsieur

Vio. Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture

An. I hope siryou areand I am yours

To. Will you incounter the housemy Neece is desirous
you should enterif your trade be to her

Vio. I am bound to your Neece sirI meane she is the
list of my voyage

To. Taste your legges sirput them to motion

Vio. My legges do better vnderstand me sirthen I vnderstand
what you meane by bidding me taste my legs

To. I meane to go sirto enter

Vio. I will answer you with gate and entrancebut we
are preuented.
Enter Oliuiaand Gentlewoman.

Most excellent accomplish'd Ladythe heauens raine Odours
on you

And. That youth's a rare Courtierraine odourswel

Vio. My matter hath no voice Ladybut to your owne
most pregnant and vouchsafed eare

And. Odourspregnantand vouchsafed: Ile get 'em
all three already

Ol. Let the Garden doore be shutand leaue mee to
my hearing. Giue me your hand sir

Vio. My dutie Madamand most humble seruice

Ol. What is your name?
Vio. Cesario is your seruants namefaire Princesse


Ol. My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world
Since lowly feigning was call'd complement:
Y'are seruant to the Count Orsino youth

Vio. And he is yoursand his must needs be yours:
Your seruants seruantis your seruant Madam

Ol. For himI thinke not on him: for his thoughts
Would they were blankesrather then fill'd with me

Vio. MadamI come to whet your gentle thoughts
On his behalfe

Ol. O by your leaue I pray you.
I bad you neuer speake againe of him;
But would you vndertake another suite
I had rather heare youto solicit that
Then Musicke from the spheares

Vio. Deere Lady


Ol. Giue me leauebeseech you: I did send
After the last enchantment you did heare
A Ring in chace of you. So did I abuse
My selfemy seruantand I feare me you:
Vnder your hard construction must I sit
To force that on you in a shamefull cunning
Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?
Haue you not set mine Honor at the stake
And baited it with all th' vnmuzled thoughts
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiuing
Enough is shewnea Cipressenot a bosome
Hides my heart: so let me heare you speake

Vio. I pittie you

Ol. That's a degree to loue

Vio. No not a grize: for tis a vulgar proofe
That verie oft we pitty enemies

Ol. Why then me thinkes 'tis time to smile agen:
O worldhow apt the poore are to be proud?
If one should be a preyhow much the better
To fall before the Lionthen the Wolfe?

Clocke strikes.


The clocke vpbraides me with the waste of time:
Be not affraid good youthI will not haue you
And yet when wit and youth is come to haruest
Your wife is like to reape a proper man:
There lies your waydue West


Vio. Then Westward hoe:
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship:
You'l nothing Madam to my Lordby me:

Ol. Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?
Vio. That you do thinke you are not what you are

Ol. If I thinke soI thinke the same of you

Vio. Then thinke you right: I am not what I am

Ol. I would you wereas I would haue you be

Vio. Would it be better Madamthen I am?
I wish it mightfor now I am your foole

Ol. O what a deale of scornelookes beautifull?
In the contempt and anger of his lip
A murdrous guilt shewes not it selfe more soone
Then loue that would seeme hid: Loues nightis noone.
Cesarioby the Roses of the Spring
By maid-hoodhonortruthand euery thing
I loue thee sothat maugre all thy pride
Nor witnor reasoncan my passion hide:
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause
For that I woothou therefore hast no cause:
But rather reason thuswith reason fetter;
Loue soughtis good: but giuen vnsoughtis better

Vio. By innocence I sweareand by my youth
I haue one heartone bosomeand one truth
And that no woman hasnor neuer none


Shall mistris be of itsaue I alone.
And so adieu good Madamneuer more
Will I my Masters teares to you deplore

Ol. Yet come againe: for thou perhaps mayst moue
That heart which now abhorresto like his loue.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Sir TobySir Andrewand Fabian.

And. No faithIle not stay a iot longer:
To. Thy reason deere venomgiue thy reason


Fab. You must needes yeelde your reasonSir Andrew?

And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the
Counts Seruing-manthen euer she bestow'd vpon mee:
I saw't i'th Orchard

To. Did she see the whileold boytell me that

And. As plaine as I see you now

Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward
you

And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me

Fab. I will proue it legitimate sirvpon the Oathes of
iudgementand reason

To. And they haue beene grand Iurie mensince before
Noah was a Saylor

Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight
onely to exasperate youto awake your dormouse valour
to put fire in your Heartand brimstone in your Liuer:
you should then haue accosted herand with some excellent
iestsfire-new from the mintyou should haue bangd
the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your
handand this was baulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie
you let time wash offand you are now sayld into
the North of my Ladies opinionwhere you will hang
like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beardvnlesse you do redeeme
itby some laudable attempteither of valour or
policie

And. And't be any wayit must be with Valourfor
policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownistas a Politician

To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him
hurt him in eleuen placesmy Neece shall take note of it
and assure thy selfethere is no loue-Broker in the world
can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman
then report of valour

Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew

An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
To. Gowrite it in a martial handbe curst and briefe:
it is no matter how wittieso it bee eloquentand full of


inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou
thou'st him some thriceit shall not be amisseand as many
Lyesas will lye in thy sheete of paperalthough the
sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England
set 'em downego about it. Let there bee gaulle enough
in thy inkethough thou write with a Goose-pen
no matter: about it

And. Where shall I finde you?
To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.


Exit Sir Andrew.

Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby

To. I haue beene deere to him ladsome two thousand
strongor so

Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le
not deliuer't

To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on
the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes
cannot hale them together. For Andrewif he were open'd
and you finde so much blood in his Liueras will clog the
foote of a fleaIle eate the rest of th' anatomy

Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no
great presage of cruelty.
Enter Maria.

To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes

Mar. If you desire the spleeneand will laughe your
selues into stitchesfollow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned
Heathena verie Renegatho; for there is no christian
that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightlycan euer
beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in
yellow stockings

To. And crosse garter'd?

Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a
Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer.
He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt
to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes
then is in the new Mappewith the augmentation of the
Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly
forbeare hurling things at himI know my Ladie will
strike him: if shee doehee'l smileand take't for a great
fauour

To. Come bring vsbring vs where he is.

Exeunt. Omnes.

Scaena Tertia.

Enter Sebastian and Anthonio.

Seb. I would not by my will haue troubled you
But since you make your pleasure of your paines
I will no further chide you


Ant. I could not stay behinde you: my desire
(More sharpe then filed steele) did spurre me forth
And not all loue to see you (though so much
As might haue drawne one to a longer voyage)
But iealousiewhat might befall your trauell
Being skillesse in these parts: which to a stranger
Vnguidedand vnfriendedoften proue
Roughand vnhospitable. My willing loue
The rather by these arguments of feare
Set forth in your pursuite

Seb. My kinde Anthonio
I can no other answer makebut thankes
And thankes: and euer oft good turnes
Are shuffel'd off with such vncurrant pay:
But were my worthas is my conscience firme
You should finde better dealing: what's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this Towne?

Ant. To morrow sirbest first go see your Lodging?

Seb. I am not wearyand 'tis long to night
I pray you let vs satisfie our eyes
With the memorialsand the things of fame
That do renowne this City

Ant. Would youl'd pardon me:
I do not without danger walke these streetes.
Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his gallies
I did some seruiceof such note indeede
That were I tane heereit would scarse be answer'd

Seb. Belike you slew great number of his people

Ant. Th' offence is not of such a bloody nature
Albeit the quality of the timeand quarrell
Might well haue giuen vs bloody argument:
It might haue since bene answer'd in repaying
What we tooke from themwhich for Traffiques sake
Most of our City did. Onely my selfe stood out
For which if I be lapsed in this place
I shall pay deere

Seb. Do not then walke too open

Ant. It doth not fit me: hold sirhere's my purse
In the South Suburbes at the Elephant
Is best to lodge: I will bespeake our dyet
Whiles you beguile the timeand feed your knowledge
With viewing of the Townethere shall you haue me

Seb. Why I your purse?

Ant. Haply your eye shall light vpon some toy
You haue desire to purchase: and your store
I thinke is not for idle Marketssir

Seb. Ile be your purse-bearerand leaue you
For an houre

Ant. To th' Elephant

Seb. I do remember.

Exeunt.


Scoena Quarta.

Enter Oliuia and Maria.

Ol. I haue sent after himhe sayes hee'l come:
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oftthen begg'dor borrow'd.
I speake too loud: Where's Maluoliohe is sadand ciuill
And suites well for a seruant with my fortunes
Where is Maluolio?

Mar. He's comming Madame:
But in very strange manner. He is sure possest Madam

Ol. Why what's the matterdoes he raue?

Mar. No Madamhe does nothing but smile: your Ladyship
were best to haue some guard about youif hee
comefor sure the man is tainted in's wits

Ol. Go call him hither.
Enter Maluolio.

I am as madde as hee
If sad and merry madnesse equall bee.
How now Maluolio?


Mal. Sweet Ladyhoho

Ol. Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion

Mal. Sad LadyI could be sad:
This does make some obstruction in the blood:
This crosse-garteringbut what of that?
If it please the eye of oneit is with me as the very true
Sonnet is: Please oneand please all

Mal. Why how doest thou man?
What is the matter with thee?

Mal. Not blacke in my mindethough yellow in my
legges: It did come to his handsand Commaunds shall
be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane
hand

Ol. Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio?
Mal. To bed? I sweet heartand Ile come to thee


Ol. God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile soand

kisse thy hand so oft?
Mar. How do you Maluolio?
Maluo. At your request:

Yes Nightingales answere Dawes

Mar. Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse
before my Lady

Mal. Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ

Ol. What meanst thou by that Maluolio?
Mal. Some are borne great


Ol. Ha?
Mal. Some atcheeue greatnesse


Ol. What sayst thou?
Mal. And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them



Ol. Heauen restore thee

Mal. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings

Ol. Thy yellow stockings?
Mal. And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd


Ol. Crosse garter'd?
Mal. Go toothou art madeif thou desir'st to be so


Ol. Am I made?
Mal. If notlet me see thee a seruant still


Ol. Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse.
Enter Seruant.

Ser. Madamethe young Gentleman of the Count
Orsino's is return'dI could hardly entreate him backe: he
attends your Ladyships pleasure

Ol. Ile come to him.
Good Marialet this fellow be look'd too. Where's my
Cosine Tobylet some of my people haue a speciall care
of himI would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of
my Dowry.

Exit

Mal. Oh hodo you come neere me now: no worse
man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly
with the Lettershe sends him on purposethat I may
appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in
the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite
with a Kinsmansurly with seruantslet thy tongue
langer with arguments of stateput thy selfe into the
tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the
manner how: as a sad facea reuerend carriagea slow
tonguein the habite of some Sir of noteand so foorth.
I haue lymde herbut it is Ioues doingand Ioue make me
thankefull. And when she went away nowlet this Fellow
be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolionor after my
degreebut Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither
that no dramme of a scrupleno scruple of a scrupleno
obstacleno incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What
can be saide? Nothing that can becan come betweene
meand the full prospect of my hopes. Well Iouenot I
is the doer of thisand he is to be thanked.
Enter TobyFabianand Maria.

To. Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all
the diuels of hell be drawne in littleand Legion himselfe
possest himyet Ile speake to him

Fab. Heere he isheere he is: how ist with you sir?
How ist with you man?
Mal. Go offI discard you: let me enioy my priuate:
go off

Mar. Lohow hollow the fiend speakes within him;
did not I tell you? Sir Tobymy Lady prayes you to haue
a care of him

Mal. Ah hadoes she so?


To. Go toogo too: peacepeacewee must deale
gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio?
How ist with you? What mandefie the diuell: consider
he's an enemy to mankinde

Mal. Do you know what you say?
Mar. La youand you speake ill of the diuellhow
he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitch'd

Fab. Carry his water to th' wise woman

Mar. Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning
if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile
say

Mal. How now mistris?
Mar. Oh Lord


To. Prethee hold thy peacethis is not the way: Doe
you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him

Fa. No way but gentlenessegentlygently: the Fiend
is roughand will not be roughly vs'd

To. Why how now my bawcock? how dost y chuck?
Mal. Sir


To. I biddycome with me. What mantis not for
grauity to play at cherrie-pit with sathan Hang him foul
Colliar

Mar. Get him to say his prayersgood sir Toby gette
him to pray

Mal. My prayers Minx

Mar. No I warrant youhe will not heare of godlynesse

Mal. Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe
thingsI am not of your elementyou shall knowe more
heereafter.

Exit

To. Ist possible?

Fa. If this were plaid vpon a stage nowI could condemne
it as an improbable fiction

To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the
deuice man

Mar. Nay pursue him nowleast the deuice take ayre
and taint

Fa. Why we shall make him mad indeede

Mar. The house will be the quieter

To. Comewee'l haue him in a darke room & bound.
My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may
carry it thus for our pleasureand his pennancetil our very
pastime tyred out of breathprompt vs to haue mercy
on him: at which timewe wil bring the deuice to the bar
and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but seebut see.


Enter Sir Andrew.

Fa. More matter for a May morning

An. Heere's the Challengereade it: I warrant there's
vinegar and pepper in't

Fab. Ist so sawcy?
And. Iist? I warrant him: do but read


To. Giue me.
Youthwhatsoeuer thou artthou art but a scuruy fellow

Fa. Goodand valiant

To. Wonder notnor admire not in thy minde why I doe call
thee sofor I will shew thee no reason for't

Fa. A good notethat keepes you from the blow of y Law

To. Thou comst to the Lady Oliuiaand in my sight she vses
thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throatthat is not the matter
I challenge thee for

Fa. Very breefeand to exceeding good sence-lesse

To. I will way-lay thee going homewhere if it be thy chance
to kill me

Fa. Good

To. Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine

Fa. Still you keepe o'th windie side of the Law: good

Tob. Fartheewelland God haue mercie vpon one of our
soules. He may haue mercie vpon minebut my hope is better
and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him& thy
sworne enemieAndrew Ague-cheeke

To. If this Letter moue him nothis legges cannot:
Ile giu't him

Mar. You may haue verie fit occasion for't: he is now
in some commerce with my Ladieand will by and by
depart

To. Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner
of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou
seest himdrawand as thou draw'stsweare horrible: for
it comes to passe oftthat a terrible oathwith a swaggering
accent sharpely twang'd offgiues manhoode more
approbationthen euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd
him. Away

And. Nay let me alone for swearing.

Exit

To. Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour
of the yong Gentlemangiues him out to be of good
capacityand breeding: his employment betweene his
Lord and my Neececonfirmes no lesse. Thereforethis
Letter being so excellently ignorantwill breed no terror
in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole.


But sirI will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth;
set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valorand driue
the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it)
into a most hideous opinion of his rageskillfurieand
impetuositie. This will so fright them boththat they wil
kill one another by the lookelike Cockatrices.
Enter Oliuia and Viola.

Fab. Heere he comes with your Neecegiue them way
till he take leaueand presently after him

To. I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message
for a Challenge

Ol. I haue said too much vnto a hart of stone
And laid mine honour too vnchary on't:
There's something in me that reproues my fault:
But such a head-strong potent fault it is
That it but mockes reproofe

Vio. With the same hauiour that your passion beares
Goes on my Masters greefes

Ol. Heereweare this Iewell for metis my picture:
Refuse it notit hath no tongueto vex you:
And I beseech you come againe to morrow.
What shall you aske of me that Ile deny
That honour (sau'd) may vpon asking giue

Vio. Nothing but thisyour true loue for my master

Ol. How with mine honor may I giue him that
Which I haue giuen to you

Vio. I will acquit you

Ol. Wellcome againe to morrow: far-thee-well
A Fiend like thee might beare my soule to hell.
Enter Toby and Fabian.

To. GentlemanGod saue thee

Vio. And you sir

To. That defence thou hastbetake the too't: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done himI knowe not:
but thy intercepter full of despightbloody as the Hunter
attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke
be yare in thy preparationfor thy assaylant is quickskilfull
and deadly

Vio. You mistake sir I am sureno man hath any quarrell
to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from
any image of offence done to any man

To. You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: thereforeif
you hold your life at any pricebetake you to your gard:
for your opposite hath in him what youthstrengthskill
and wrathcan furnish man withall

Vio. I pray you sir what is he?

To. He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapierand
on carpet considerationbut he is a diuell in priuate brall
soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd threeand his incensement


at this moment is so implacablethat satisfaction
can be nonebut by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob
nobis his word: giu't or take't

Vio. I will returne againe into the houseand desire
some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighterI haue heard
of some kinde of menthat put quarrells purposely on others
to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that
quirke

To. Sirno: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very
computent iniurietherefore get you onand giue him
his desire. Backe you shall not to the housevnlesse you
vndertake that with mewhich with as much safetie you
might answer him: therefore onor strippe your sword
starke naked: for meddle you must that's certainor forsweare
to weare iron about you

Vio. This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe
me this courteous officeas to know of the Knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence
nothing of my purpose

To. I will doe so. Signiour Fabianstay you by this
Gentlemantill my returne.

Exit Toby.

Vio. Pray you sirdo you know of this matter?

Fab. I know the knight is incenst against youeuen to
a mortall arbitrementbut nothing of the circumstance
more

Vio. I beseech you what manner of man is he?

Fab. Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him
by his formeas you are like to finde him in the proofe of
his valour. He is indeede sirthe most skilfullbloudy&
fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie
part of Illyria: will you walke towards himI will make
your peace with himif I can

Vio. I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one
that had rather go with sir Priestthen sir knight: I care
not who knowes so much of my mettle.

Exeunt.

Enter Toby and Andrew.

To. Why man hee s a verie diuellI haue not seen such
a firago: I had a passe with himrapierscabberdand all:
and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion
that it is ineuitable: and on the answerhe payes you as
surelyas your feete hits the ground they step on. They
sayhe has bin Fencer to the Sophy

And. Pox on'tIle not meddle with him

To. I but he will not now be pacified
Fabian can scarse hold him yonder

An. Plague on'tand I thought he had beene valiant
and so cunning in FenceI'de haue seene him damn'd ere
I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slipand


Ile giue him my horsegray Capilet

To. Ile make the motion: stand heeremake a good
shew on'tthis shall end without the perdition of soules
marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Enter Fabian and Viola.

I haue his horse to take vp the quarrellI haue perswaded
him the youths a diuell

Fa. He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants&
lookes paleas if a Beare were at his heeles

To. There's no remedie sirhe will fight with you for's
oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his
quarrelland hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking
of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe
he protests he will not hurt you

Vio. Pray God defend me: a little thing would make
me tell them how much I lacke of a man

Fab. Giue ground if you see him furious

To. Come sir Andrewthere's no remediethe Gentleman
will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you:
he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised
meas he is a Gentleman and a Soldiourhe will not hurt
you. Come ontoo't

And. Pray God he keepe his oath.
Enter Antonio.

Vio. I do assure you tis against my will

Ant. Put vp your sword: if this yong Gentleman
Haue done offenceI take the fault on me:
If you offend himI for him defie you

To. You sir? Whywhat are you?
Ant. One sirthat for his loue dares yet do more
Then you haue heard him brag to you he will

To. Nayif you be an vndertakerI am for you.
Enter Officers.

Fab. O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers

To. Ile be with you anon

Vio. Pray sirput your sword vp if you please

And. Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile
be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easilyand
raines well

1.Off. This is the mando thy Office

2.Off. AnthonioI arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino
An. You do mistake me sir

1.Off. No sirno iot: I know your fauour well:
Though now you haue no sea-cap on your head:
Take him awayhe knowes I know him well


Ant. I must obey. This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedieI shall answer it:
What will you do: now my necessitie
Makes me to aske you for my purse. It greeues mee
Much morefor what I cannot do for you
Then what befals my selfe: you stand amaz'd
But be of comfort

2.Off. Come sir away

Ant. I must entreat of you some of that money

Vio. What money sir?
For the fayre kindnesse you haue shew'd me heere
And part being prompted by your present trouble
Out of my leane and low ability
Ile lend you something: my hauing is not much
Ile make diuision of my present with you:
Holdthere's halfe my Coffer

Ant. Will you deny me now
Ist possible that my deserts to you
Can lacke perswasion. Do not tempt my misery
Least that it make me so vnsound a man
As to vpbraid you with those kindnesses
That I haue done for you

Vio. I know of none
Nor know I you by voyceor any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Then lyingvainnessebabling drunkennesse
Or any taint of vicewhose strong corruption
Inhabites our fraile blood

Ant. Oh heauens themselues

2.Off. Come sirI pray you go

Ant. Let me speake a little. This youth that you see heere
I snatch'd one halfe out of the iawes of death
Releeu'd him with such sanctitie of loue;
And to his imagewhich me thought did promise
Most venerable worthdid I deuotion

1.Off. What's that to vsthe time goes by: Away

Ant. But ohhow vilde an idoll proues this God:
Thou hast Sebastian done good featureshame.
In Naturethere's no blemish but the minde:
None can be call'd deform'dbut the vnkinde.
Vertue is beautybut the beauteous euill
Are empty trunkesore-flourish'd by the deuill

1.Off. The man growes madaway with him:
Comecome sir

Ant. Leade me on.

Exit

Vio. Me thinkes his words do from such passion flye
That he beleeues himselfeso do not I:
Proue true imaginationoh proue true


That I deere brotherbe now tane for you

To. Come hither Knightcome hither Fabian: Weel
whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes

Vio. He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet liuing in my glasse: euen suchand so
In fauour was my Brotherand he went
Still in this fashioncolourornament
For him I imitate: Oh if it proue
Tempests are kindeand salt waues fresh in loue

To. A very dishonest paltry boyand more a coward
then a Harehis dishonesty appearesin leauing his frend
heere in necessityand denying him: and for his cowardship
aske Fabian

Fab. A Cowarda most deuout Cowardreligious in
it

And. Slid Ile after him againeand beate him

To. Docuffe him soundlybut neuer draw thy sword
And. And I do not


Fab. Comelet's see the euent

To. I dare lay any moneytwill be nothing yet.

Exit

Actus QuartusScaena prima.

Enter Sebastian and Clowne

Clo. Will you make me beleeuethat I am not sent for
you?
Seb. Go toogo toothou art a foolish fellow
Let me be cleere of thee

Clo. Well held out yfaith: NoI do not know you
nor I am not sent to you by my Ladyto bid you come
speake with her: nor your name is not Master Cesario
nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is sois so

Seb. I prethee vent thy folly some-where elsethou
know'st not me

Clo. Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some
great manand now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly:
I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a
Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenesand tell
me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that
thou art comming?

Seb. I prethee foolish greeke depart from methere's
money for theeif you tarry longerI shall giue worse
paiment

Clo. By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen
that giue fooles moneyget themselues a good report
after foureteene yeares purchase.
Enter AndrewTobyand Fabian.


And. Now sirhaue I met you again: ther's for you

Seb. Why there's for theeand thereand there

Are all the people mad?
To. Hold siror Ile throw your dagger ore the house
Clo. This will I tell my Lady straightI would not be

in some of your coats for two pence

To. Come on sirhold

An. Nay let him aloneIle go another way to worke
with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against himif
there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him firstyet
it's no matter for that

Seb. Let go thy hand

To. Come sirI will not let you go. Come my yong
souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come
on

Seb. I will be free from thee. What wouldst y now?
If thou dar'st tempt me furtherdraw thy sword

To. Whatwhat? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or
two of this malapert blood from you.
Enter Oliuia.

Ol. Hold Tobyon thy life I charge thee hold

To. Madam

Ol. Will it be euer thus? Vngracious wretch
Fit for the Mountainesand the barbarous Caues
Where manners nere were preach'd: out of my sight.
Be not offendeddeere Cesario:
Rudesbey be gone. I prethee gentle friend
Let thy fayre wisedomenot thy passion sway
In this vnciuilland vniust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house
And heare thou there how many fruitlesse prankes
This Ruffian hath botch'd vpthat thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: Thou shalt not choose but goe:
Do not deniebeshrew his soule for mee
He started one poore heart of minein thee

Seb. What rellish is in this? How runs the streame?
Or I am mador else this is a dreame:
Let fancie still my sense in Lethe steepe
If it be thus to dreamestill let me sleepe

Ol. Nay come I pretheewould thoud'st be rul'd by me
Seb. MadamI will

Ol. O say soand so be.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Maria and Clowne.

Mar. NayI prethee put on this gown& this beard
make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curatedoe it


quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst

Clo. WellIle put it onand I will dissemble my selfe
in'tand I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
function wellnor leane enough to bee thought a good
Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper
goes as fairelyas to saya carefull man& a great
scholler. The Competitors enter.
Enter Toby.

To. Ioue blesse thee M[aster]. Parson

Clo. Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage
that neuer saw pen and inkevery wittily sayd to a Neece
of King Gorbodackethat that isis: so I being M[aster]. Parson
am M[aster]. Parson; for what is thatbut that? and isbut is?

To. To him sir Topas

Clow. What hoaI sayPeace in this prison

To. The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.

Maluolio within.

Mal. Who cals there?

Clo. Sir Topas the Curatewho comes to visit Maluolio
the Lunaticke

Mal. Sir Topassir Topasgood sir Topas goe to my
Ladie

Clo. Out hyperbolicall fiendhow vexest thou this
man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
Tob. Well said M[aster]. Parson

Mal. Sir Topasneuer was man thus wrongedgood
sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
heere in hideous darknesse

Clo. Fyethou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
most modest termesfor I am one of those gentle ones
that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
that house is darke?

Mal. As hell sir Topas

Clo. Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes
and the cleere stores toward the South northare
as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

Mal. I am not mad sir TopasI say to you this house is
darke

Clo. Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
but ignorancein which thou art more puzel'd then the
aegyptians in their fogge

Mal. I say this house is as darke as Ignorancethogh
Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer
man thus abus'dI am no more madde then you are
make the triall of it in any constant question

Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
Wilde-fowle?


Mal. That the soule of our grandammight happily
inhabite a bird

Clo. What thinkst thou of his opinion?
Mal. I thinke nobly of the souleand no way aproue
his opinion

Clo. Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse
thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagorasere I will allow
of thy witsand feare to kill a Woodcockelest thou dispossesse
the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well

Mal. Sir Topassir Topas

Tob. My most exquisite sir Topas

Clo. Nay I am for all waters

Mar. Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
and gownehe sees thee not

To. To him in thine owne voyceand bring me word
how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'dI would
he werefor I am now so farre in offence with my Niece
that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot.
Come by and by to my Chamber.

Exit

Clo. Hey Robiniolly Robintell me how thy Lady
does

Mal. Foole

Clo. My Lady is vnkindperdie

Mal. Foole

Clo. Alas why is she so?
Mal. FooleI say


Clo. She loues another. Who callesha?

Mal. Good fooleas euer thou wilt deserue well at
my handhelpe me to a Candleand peninkeand paper:
as I am a GentlemanI will liue to bee thankefull to thee
for't

Clo. M[aster]. Maluolio?
Mal. I good Foole


Clo. Alas sirhow fell you besides your fiue witts?
Mall. Foolethere was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd:
I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art

Clo. But as well: then you are mad indeedeif you be
no better in your wits then a foole

Mal. They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
darkenessesend Ministers to meAssesand doe all they
can to face me out of my wits

Clo. Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
MaluolioMaluoliothy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour


thy selfe to sleepeand leaue thy vaine bibble
babble

Mal. Sir Topas

Clo. Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
Who I sirnot I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Marry
Amen. I will sirI will

Mal. Foolefoolefoole I say

Clo. Alas sir be patient. What say you sirI am shent
for speaking to you

Mal. Good foolehelpe me to some lightand some
paperI tell thee I am as well in my wittesas any man in
Illyria

Clo. Well-a-daythat you were sir

Mal. By this hand I am: good foolesome inkepaper
and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
Lady: it shall aduantage thee morethen euer the bearing
of Letter did

Clo. I will help you too't. But tel me trueare you not
mad indeedor do you but counterfeit

Mal. Beleeue me I am notI tell thee true

Clo. NayIle nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
I will fetch you lightand paperand inke

Mal. FooleIle requite it in the highest degree:
I prethee be gone

Clo. I am gone sirand anon sir
Ile be with you againe:
In a tricelike to the old vice
your neede to sustaine.
Who with dagger of lathin his rage and his wrath
cries ah hato the diuell:
Like a mad ladpaire thy nayles dad
Adieu good man diuell.

Exit


Scaena Tertia.


Enter Sebastian.


This is the ayrethat is the glorious Sunne
This pearle she gaue meI do feel'tand see't
And though tis wonder that enwraps me thus
Yet 'tis not madnesse. Where's Anthonio then
I could not finde him at the Elephant
Yet there he wasand there I found this credite
That he did range the towne to seeke me out
His councell now might do me golden seruice
For though my soule disputes well with my sence
That this may be some errorbut no madnesse
Yet doth this accident and flood of Fortune
So farre exceed all instanceall discourse



That I am readie to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason that perswades me
To any other trustbut that I am mad
Or else the Ladies mad; yet if 'twere so
She could not sway her housecommand her followers
Takeand giue backe affayresand their dispatch
With such a smoothdiscreetand stable bearing
As I perceiue she do's: there's something in't
That is deceiueable. But heere the Lady comes.
Enter Oliuiaand Priest.


Ol. Blame not this haste of mine: if you meane well
Now go with meand with this holy man
Into the Chantry by: there before him
And vnderneath that consecrated roofe
Plight me the full assurance of your faith
That my most iealiousand too doubtfull soule
May liue at peace. He shall conceale it
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note
What time we will our celebration keepe
According to my birthwhat do you say?

Seb. Ile follow this good manand go with you
And hauing sworne trutheuer will be true

Ol. Then lead the way good father& heauens so shine
That they may fairely note this acte of mine.

Exeunt.

Finis Actus Quartus.

Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.

Enter Clowne and Fabian.

Fab. Now as thou lou'st melet me see his Letter

Clo. Good M[aster]. Fabiangrant me another request

Fab. Any thing

Clo. Do not desire to see this Letter

Fab. This is to giue a doggeand in recompence desire
my dogge againe.
Enter DukeViolaCurioand Lords.

Duke. Belong you to the Lady Oliuiafriends?
Clo. I sirwe are some of her trappings


Duke. I know thee well: how doest thou my good
Fellow?
Clo. Truely sirthe better for my foesand the worse
for my friends

Du. Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends

Clo. No sirthe worse

Du. How can that be?

Clo. Marry sirthey praise meand make an asse of me
now my foes tell me plainlyI am an Asse: so that by my
foes sirI profit in the knowledge of my selfeand by my


friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kissesif
your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiueswhy
then the worse for my friendsand the better for my foes

Du. Why this is excellent

Clo. By my troth sirno: though it please you to be
one of my friends

Du. Thou shalt not be the worse for methere's gold

Clo. But that it would be double dealing sirI would
you could make it another

Du. O you giue me ill counsell

Clo. Put your grace in your pocket sirfor this once
and let your flesh and blood obey it

Du. WellI will be so much a sinner to be a double
dealer: there's another

Clo. Primosecundotertiois a good playand the olde
saying isthe third payes for all: the triplex siris a good
tripping measureor the belles of S[aint]. Bennet sirmay put
you in mindeonetwothree

Du. You can foole no more money out of mee at this
throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak
with herand bring her along with youit may awake my
bounty further

Clo. Marry sirlullaby to your bountie till I come agen.
I go sirbut I would not haue you to thinkethat
my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as
you say sirlet your bounty take a nappeI will awake it
anon.

Exit

Enter Anthonio and Officers.

Vio. Here comes the man sirthat did rescue mee

Du. That face of his I do remember well
Yet when I saw it lastit was besmear'd
As blacke as Vulcanin the smoake of warre:
A bawbling Vessell was he Captaine of
For shallow draught and bulke vnprizable
With which such scathfull grapple did he make
With the most noble bottome of our Fleete
That very enuyand the tongue of losse
Cride fame and honor on him: What's the matter?

1.Offi. Orsinothis is that Anthonio
That tooke the Phoenixand her fraught from Candy
And this is he that did the Tiger boord
When your yong Nephew Titus lost his legge;
Heere in the streetsdesperate of shame and state
In priuate brabble did we apprehend him

Vio. He did me kindnesse sirdrew on my side
But in conclusion put strange speech vpon me
I know not what 'twasbut distraction


Du. Notable Pyratethou salt-water Theefe
What foolish boldnesse brought thee to their mercies
Whom thou in termes so bloudieand so deere
Hast made thine enemies?

Ant. Orsino: Noble sir
Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you giue mee:
Anthonio neuer yet was Theefeor Pyrate
Though I confesseon base and ground enough
Orsino's enemie. A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ingratefull boy there by your side
From the rude seas enrag'd and foamy mouth
Did I redeeme: a wracke past hope he was:
His life I gaue himand did thereto adde
My loue without retentionor restraint
All his in dedication. For his sake
Did I expose my selfe (pure for his loue)
Into the danger of this aduerse Towne
Drew to defend himwhen he was beset:
Where being apprehendedhis false cunning
(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance
And grew a twentie yeeres remoued thing
While one would winke: denide me mine owne purse
Which I had recommended to his vse
Not halfe an houre before

Vio. How can this be?
Du. When came he to this Towne?
Ant. To day my Lord: and for three months before

No intrimnot a minutes vacancie
Both day and night did we keepe companie.
Enter Oliuia and attendants.


Du. Heere comes the Countessenow heauen walkes
on earth:
But for thee fellowfellow thy words are madnesse
Three monthes this youth hath tended vpon mee
But more of that anon. Take him aside

Ol. What would my Lordbut that he may not haue
Wherein Oliuia may seeme seruiceable?
Cesarioyou do not keepe promise with me

Vio. Madam:
Du. Gracious Oliuia


Ol. What do you say Cesario? Good my Lord

Vio. My Lord would speakemy dutie hushes me

Ol. If it be ought to the old tune my Lord
It is as fat and fulsome to mine eare
As howling after Musicke

Du. Still so cruell?
Ol. Still so constant Lord


Du. What to peruersenesse? you vnciuill Ladie
To whose ingrateand vnauspicious Altars
My soule the faithfull'st offrings haue breath'd out
That ere deuotion tender'd. What shall I do?

Ol. Euen what it please my Lordthat shal becom him
Du. Why should I not(had I the heart to do it)
Like to th' Egyptian theefeat point of death


Kill what I loue: (a sauage iealousie
That sometime sauours nobly) but heare me this:
Since you to non-regardance cast my faith
And that I partly know the instrument
That screwes me from my true place in your fauour:
Liue you the Marble-brested Tirant still.
But this your Minionwhom I know you loue
And whomby heauen I sweareI tender deerely
Him will I teare out of that cruell eye
Where he sits crowned in his masters spight.
Come boy with memy thoughts are ripe in mischiefe:
Ile sacrifice the Lambe that I do loue
To spight a Rauens heart within a Doue


Vio. And I most iocundaptand willinglie
To do you resta thousand deaths would dye

Ol. Where goes Cesario?

Vio. After him I loue
More then I loue these eyesmore then my life
More by all moresthen ere I shall loue wife.
If I do feigneyou witnesses aboue
Punish my lifefor tainting of my loue

Ol. Aye me detestedhow am I beguil'd?
Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Ol. Hast thou forgot thy selfe? Is it so long?

Call forth the holy Father

Du. Comeaway

Ol. Whether my Lord? CesarioHusbandstay

Du. Husband?
Ol. I Husband. Can he that deny?
Du. Her husbandsirrah?
Vio. No my Lordnot I


Ol. Alasit is the basenesse of thy feare
That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
Feare not Cesariotake thy fortunes vp
Be that thou know'st thou artand then thou art
As great as that thou fear'st.
Enter Priest.

O welcome Father:
FatherI charge thee by thy reuerence
Heere to vnfoldthough lately we intended
To keepe in darkenessewhat occasion now
Reueales before 'tis ripe: what thou dost know
Hath newly pastbetweene this youthand me

Priest. A Contract of eternall bond of loue
Confirm'd by mutuall ioynder of your hands
Attested by the holy close of lippes
Strengthned by enterchangement of your rings
And all the Ceremonie of this compact
Seal'd in my functionby my testimony:
Since whenmy watch hath told metoward my graue
I haue trauail'd but two houres

Du. O thou dissembling Cub: what wilt thou be
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
Or will not else thy craft so quickely grow


That thine owne trip shall be thine ouerthrow:
Farewelland take herbut direct thy feete
Where thouand I (henceforth) may neuer meet

Vio. My LordI do protest

Ol. O do not sweare
Hold little faiththough thou hast too much feare.
Enter Sir Andrew.

And. For the loue of God a Surgeonsend one presently
to sir Toby

Ol. What's the matter?
And. H'as broke my head acrosseand has giuen Sir
Toby a bloody Coxcombe too: for the loue of God your


helpeI had rather then forty pound I were at home

Ol. Who has done this sir Andrew?
And. The Counts Gentlemanone Cesario: we tooke
him for a Cowardbut hee's the verie diuellincardinate

Du. My Gentleman Cesario?

And. Odd's lifelings heere he is: you broke my head
for nothingand that that I didI was set on to do't by sir
Toby

Vio. Why do you speake to meI neuer hurt you:
You drew your sword vpon me without cause
But I bespake you faireand hurt you not.
Enter Toby and Clowne.

And. If a bloody coxcombe be a hurtyou haue hurt
me: I thinke you set nothing by a bloody Coxecombe.
Heere comes sir Toby haltingyou shall heare more: but if
he had not beene in drinkehee would haue tickel'd you
other gates then he did

Du. How now Gentleman? how ist with you?
To. That's all onehas hurt meand there's th' end on't:
Sotdidst see Dicke Surgeonsot?
Clo. O he's drunke sir Toby an houre agone: his eyes
were set at eight i'th morning

To. Then he's a Rogueand a passy measures pauyn: I
hate a drunken rogue

Ol. Away with him? Who hath made this hauocke
with them?
And. Ile helpe you sir Tobybecause we'll be drest together

To. Will you helpe an Asse-headand a coxcombe&
a knaue: a thin fac'd knauea gull?
Ol. Get him to bedand let his hurt be look'd too.
Enter Sebastian.

Seb. I am sorry Madam I haue hurt your kinsman:
But had it beene the brother of my blood
I must haue done no lesse with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard vpon meand by that
I do perceiue it hath offended you:
Pardon me (sweet one) euen for the vowes
We made each otherbut so late ago


Du. One faceone voiceone habitand two persons
A naturall Perspectiuethat isand is not

Seb. Anthonio: O my deere Anthonio
How haue the houres rack'dand tortur'd me
Since I haue lost thee?

Ant. Sebastian are you?
Seb. Fear'st thou that Anthonio?
Ant. How haue you made diuision of your selfe


An apple cleft in twois not more twin
Then these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Ol. Most wonderfull

Seb. Do I stand there? I neuer had a brother:
Nor can there be that Deity in my nature
Of heereand euery where. I had a sister
Whom the blinde waues and surges haue deuour'd:
Of charitywhat kinne are you to me?
What Countreyman? What name? What Parentage?

Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my Father
Such a Sebastian was my brother too:
So went he suited to his watery tombe:
If spirits can assume both forme and suite
You come to fright vs

Seb. A spirit I am indeed
But am in that dimension grossely clad
Which from the wombe I did participate.
Were you a womanas the rest goes euen
I should my teares let fall vpon your cheeke
And saythrice welcome drowned Viola

Vio. My father had a moale vpon his brow

Seb. And so had mine

Vio. And dide that day when Viola from her birth
Had numbred thirteene yeares

Seb. O that record is liuely in my soule
He finished indeed his mortall acte
That day that made my sister thirteene yeares

Vio. If nothing lets to make vs happie both
But this my masculine vsurp'd attyre:
Do not embrace metill each circumstance
Of placetimefortunedo cohere and iumpe
That I am Violawhich to confirme
Ile bring you to a Captaine in this Towne
Where lye my maiden weeds: by whose gentle helpe
I was preseru'd to serue this Noble Count:
All the occurrence of my fortune since
Hath beene betweene this Ladyand this Lord

Seb. So comes it Ladyyou haue beene mistooke:
But Nature to her bias drew in that.
You would haue bin contracted to a Maid
Nor are you therein (by my life) deceiu'd
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man

Du. Be not amaz'dright noble is his blood:
If this be soas yet the glasse seemes true
I shall haue share in this most happy wracke
Boythou hast saide to me a thousand times


Thou neuer should'st loue woman like to me

Vio. And all those sayingswill I ouer sweare
And all those swearings keepe as true in soule
As doth that Orbed Continentthe fire
That seuers day from night

Du. Giue me thy hand
And let me see thee in thy womans weedes

Vio. The Captaine that did bring me first on shore
Hath my Maides garments: he vpon some Action
Is now in duranceat Maluolio's suite
a Gentlemanand follower of my Ladies

Ol. He shall inlarge him: fetch Maluolio hither
And yet alasnow I remember me
They say poore Gentlemanhe's much distract.
Enter Clowne with a Letterand Fabian.

A most extracting frensie of mine owne
From my remembranceclearly banisht his.
How does he sirrah?

Cl. Truely Madamhe holds Belzebub at the staues end as
well as a man in his case may do: has heere writ a letter to
youI should haue giuen't you to day morning. But as a
madmans Epistles are no Gospelsso it skilles not much
when they are deliuer'd

Ol. Open'tand read it

Clo. Looke then to be well edifiedwhen the Foole
deliuers the Madman. By the Lord Madam

Ol. How nowart thou mad?

Clo. No MadamI do but reade madnesse: and your
Ladyship will haue it as it ought to beeyou must allow
Vox

Ol. Prethee reade i'thy right wits

Clo. So I do Madona: but to reade his right witsis to
reade thus: thereforeperpend my Princesseand giue
eare

Ol. Read it yousirrah

Fab. Reads. By the Lord Madamyou wrong meand
the world shall know it: Though you haue put mee into
darkenesseand giuen your drunken Cosine rule ouer me
yet haue I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladieship.
I haue your owne letterthat induced mee to the
semblance I put on; with the which I doubt notbut to
do my selfe much rightor you much shame: thinke of
me as you please. I leaue my duty a little vnthought of
and speake out of my iniury. The madly vs'd Maluolio

Ol. Did he write this?
Clo. I Madame


Du. This sauours not much of distraction

Ol. See him deliuer'd Fabianbring him hither:
My Lordso please youthese things further thought on


To thinke me as well a sisteras a wife
One day shall crowne th' alliance on'tso please you
Heere at my houseand at my proper cost


Du. MadamI am most apt t' embrace your offer:
Your Master quits you: and for your seruice done him
So much against the mettle of your sex
So farre beneath your soft and tender breeding
And since you call'd me Masterfor so long:
Heere is my handyou shall from this time bee
Your Masters Mistris

Ol. A sisteryou are she.
Enter Maluolio.

Du. Is this the Madman?
Ol. I my Lordthis same: How now Maluolio?
Mal. Madamyou haue done me wrong


Notorious wrong

Ol. Haue I Maluolio? No

Mal. Lady you hauepray you peruse that Letter.
You must not now denie it is your hand
Write from it if you canin handor phrase
Or saytis not your sealenot your inuention:
You can say none of this. Wellgrant it then
And tell me in the modestie of honor
Why you haue giuen me such cleare lights of fauour
Bad me come smilingand crosse-garter'd to you
To put on yellow stockingsand to frowne
Vpon sir Tobyand the lighter people:
And acting this in an obedient hope
Why haue you suffer'd me to be imprison'd
Kept in a darke housevisited by the Priest
And made the most notorious gecke and gull
That ere inuention plaid on? Tell me why?

Ol. Alas Maluoliothis is not my writing
Though I confesse much like the Charracter:
But out of questiontis Marias hand.
And now I do bethinke meit was shee
First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling
And in such formeswhich heere were presuppos'd
Vpon thee in the Letter: prethee be content
This practice hath most shrewdly past vpon thee:
But when we know the groundsand authors of it
Thou shalt be both the Plaintiffe and the Iudge
Of thine owne cause

Fab. Good Madam heare me speake
And let no quarrellnor no braule to come
Taint the condition of this present houre
Which I haue wondred at. In hope it shall not
Most freely I confesse my selfeand Toby
Set this deuice against Maluolio heere
Vpon some stubborne and vncourteous parts
We had conceiu'd against him. Maria writ
The Letterat sir Tobyes great importance
In recompence whereofhe hath married her:
How with a sportfull malice it was follow'd
May rather plucke on laughter then reuenge
If that the iniuries be iustly weigh'd
That haue on both sides past


Ol. Alas poore Foolehow haue they baffel'd thee?

Clo. Why some are borne greatsome atchieue greatnesse

and some haue greatnesse throwne vpon them. I

was one sirin this Enterludeone sir Topas sirbut that's

all one: By the Lord FooleI am not mad: but do you remember

Madamwhy laugh you at such a barren rascall

and you smile not he's gag'd: and thus the whirlegigge

of timebrings in his reuenges

Mal. Ile be reueng'd on the whole packe of you?
Ol. He hath bene most notoriously abus'd


Du. Pursue himand entreate him to a peace:

He hath not told vs of the Captaine yet

When that is knowneand golden time conuents

A solemne Combination shall be made

Of our deere soules. Meane time sweet sister

We will not part from hence. Cesario come

(For so you shall be while you are a man:)

But when in other habites you are seene

Orsino's Mistrisand his fancies Queene.

Exeunt.

Clowne sings .

When that I was and a little tine boy

with heyhothe winde and the raine:

A foolish thing was but a toy

for the raine it raineth euery day.

But when I came to mans estate

with hey ho&c.

Gainst Knaues and Theeues men shut their gate

for the raine&c.

But when I came alas to wiue

with hey ho&c.

By swaggering could I neuer thriue

for the raine&c.

But when I came vnto my beds

with hey ho&c.

With tospottes still had drunken heades

for the raine&c.

A great while ago the world begon

hey ho&c.

But that's all oneour Play is done

and wee'l striue to please you euery day.

FINIS. Twelfe NightOr what you will.