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Loues Labour's lost

Actus primus.

Enter Ferdinand King of NauarreBerowneLongauilland
Dumane.

Ferdinand. Let Famethat all hunt after in their liues
Liue registred vpon our brazen Tombes
And then grace vs in the disgrace of death:
when spight of cormorant deuouring Time
Th' endeuour of this present breath may buy:
That honour which shall bate his sythes keene edge
And make vs heyres of all eternitie.
Therefore braue Conqueroursfor so you are
That warre against your owne affections
And the huge Armie of the worlds desires.
Our late edict shall strongly stand in force
Nauar shall be the wonder of the world.
Our Court shall be a little Achademe
Still and contemplatiue in liuing Art.
You threeBerowneDumaineand Longauill
Haue sworne for three yeeres termeto liue with me:
My fellow Schollersand to keepe those statutes
That are recorded in this scedule heere.
Your oathes are pastand now subscribe your names:
That his owne hand may strike his honour downe
That violates the smallest branch heerein:
If you are arm'd to doeas sworne to do
Subscribe to your deepe oathesand keepe it to

Longauill. I am resolu'd'tis but a three yeeres fast:
The minde shall banquetthough the body pine
Fat paunches haue leane pates: and dainty bits
Make rich the ribsbut bankerout the wits

Dumane. My louing LordDumane is mortified
The grosser manner of these worlds delights
He throwes vpon the grosse worlds baser slaues:
To loueto wealthto pompeI pine and die
With all these liuing in Philosophie

Berowne. I can but say their protestation ouer
So muchdeare LiegeI haue already sworne
That isto liue and study heere three yeeres.
But there are other strict obseruances:
As not to see a woman in that terme
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
And one day in a weeke to touch no foode:
And but one meale on euery day beside:
The which I hope is not enrolled there.
And then to sleepe but three houres in the night
And not be seene to winke of all the day.
When I was wont to thinke no harme all night
And make a darke night too of halfe the day:
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
Othese are barren taskestoo hard to keepe
Not to see Ladiesstudyfastnot sleepe


Ferd. Your oath is pastto passe away from these

Berow. Let me say no my Liedgeand if you please
I onely swore to study with your grace
And stay heere in your Court for three yeeres space

Longa. You swore to that Berowneand to the rest

Berow. By yea and nay sirthan I swore in iest.
What is the end of studylet me know?
Fer. Why that to know which else wee should not
know

Ber. Things hid & bard (you meane) fro[m] co[m]mon sense

Ferd. Ithat is studies god-like recompence

Bero. Come on thenI will sweare to studie so
To know the thing I am forbid to know:
As thusto study where I well may dine
When I to fast expressely am forbid.
Or studie where to meete some Mistresse fine
When Mistresses from common sense are hid.
Or hauing sworne too hard a keeping oath
Studie to breake itand not breake my troth.
If studies gaine be thusand this be so
Studie knowes that which yet it doth not know
Sweare me to thisand I will nere say no

Ferd. These be the stops that hinder studie quite
And traine our intellects to vaine delight

Ber. Why? all delights are vaineand that most vaine
Which with paine purchas'ddoth inherit paine
As painefully to poare vpon a Booke
To seeke the light of truthwhile truth the while
Doth falsely blinde the eye-sight of his looke:
Light seeking lightdoth light of light beguile:
So ere you finde where light in darkenesse lies
Your light growes darke by losing of your eyes.
Studie me how to please the eye indeede
By fixing it vpon a fairer eye
Who dazling sothat eye shall be his heed
And giue him light that it was blinded by.
Studie is like the heauens glorious Sunne
That will not be deepe search'd with sawcy lookes:
Small haue continuall plodders euer wonne
Saue base authoritie from others Bookes.
These earthly Godfathers of heauens lights
That giue a name to euery fixed Starre
Haue no more profit of their shining nights
Then those that walke and wot not what they are.
Too much to knowis to know nought but fame:
And euery Godfather can giue a name

Fer. How well hee's readto reason against reading

Dum. Proceeded wellto stop all good proceeding

Lon. Hee weedes the corneand still lets grow the
weeding

Ber. The Spring is neare when greene geesse are a
breeding


Dum. How followes that?
Ber. Fit in his place and time


Dum. In reason nothing

Ber. Something then in rime

Ferd. Berowne is like an enuious sneaping Frost
That bites the first borne infants of the Spring

Ber. Welsay I amwhy should proud Summer boast
Before the Birds haue any cause to sing?
Why should I ioy in any abortiue birth?
At Christmas I no more desire a Rose
Then wish a Snow in Mayes new fangled showes:
But like of each thing that in season growes.
So you to studie now it is too late
That were to clymbe ore the house to vnlocke the gate

Fer. Wellsit you out: go home Berowne: adue

Ber. No my good LordI haue sworn to stay with you.
And though I haue for barbarisme spoke more
Then for that Angell knowledge you can say
Yet confident Ile keepe what I haue sworne
And bide the pennance of each three yeares day.
Giue me the paperlet me reade the same
And to the strictest decrees Ile write my name

Fer. How well this yeelding rescues thee from shame

Ber. Item. That no woman shall come within a mile
of my Court.
Hath this bin proclaimed?

Lon. Foure dayes agoe

Ber. Let's see the penaltie.
On paine of loosing her tongue.
Who deuis'd this penaltie?

Lon. Marry that did I

Ber. Sweete Lordand why?

Lon. To fright them hence with that dread penaltie
A dangerous law against gentilitie.
ItemIf any man be seene to talke with a woman within
the tearme of three yeareshee shall indure such
publique shame as the rest of the Court shall possibly
deuise

Ber. This Article my Liedge your selfe must breake
For well you know here comes in Embassie
The French Kings daughterwith your selfe to speake:
A Maide of grace and compleate maiestie
About surrender vp of Aquitaine:
To her decrepitsickeand bed-rid Father.
Therefore this Article is made in vaine
Or vainly comes th' admired Princesse hither

Fer. What say you Lords?
Whythis was quite forgot

Ber. So Studie euermore is ouershot
While it doth study to haue what it would


It doth forget to doe the thing it should:
And when it hath the thing it hunteth most
'Tis won as townes with fireso wonso lost

Fer. We must of force dispence with this Decree
She must lye here on meere necessitie

Ber. Necessity will make vs all forsworne
Three thousand times within this three yeeres space:
For euery man with his affects is borne
Not by might mastredbut by speciall grace.
If I breake faiththis word shall breake for me
I am forsworne on meere necessitie.
So to the Lawes at large I write my name
And he that breakes them in the least degree
Stands in attainder of eternall shame.
Suggestions are to others as to me:
But I beleeue although I seeme so loth
I am the last that will last keepe his oth.
But is there no quicke recreation granted?

Fer. I that there isour Court you know is hanted
With a refined trauailer of Spaine
A man in all the worlds new fashion planted
That hath a mint of phrases in his braine:
Onewho the musicke of his owne vaine tongue
Doth rauish like inchanting harmonie:
A man of complements whom right and wrong
Haue chose as vmpire of their mutinie.
This childe of fancie that Armado hight
For interim to our studies shall relate
In high-borne words the worth of many a Knight:
From tawnie Spaine lost in the worlds debate.
How you delight my LordsI know not I
But I protest I loue to heare him lie
And I will vse him for my Minstrelsie

Bero. Armado is a most illustrious wight
A man of firenew wordsfashions owne Knight

Lon. Costard the swaine and heshall be our sport
And so to studiethree yeeres is but short.
Enter a Constable with Costard with a Letter.

Const. Which is the Dukes owne person

Ber. This fellowWhat would'st?

Con. I my selfe reprehend his owne personfor I am
his graces Tharborough: But I would see his own person
in flesh and blood

Ber. This is he

Con. Signeor ArmeArme commends you:
Ther's villanie abroadthis letter will tell you more

Clow. Sir the Contempts thereof are as touching
mee

Fer. A letter from the magnificent Armado

Ber. How low soeuer the matterI hope in God for
high words

Lon. A high hope for a low heauenGod grant vs patience


Ber. To heareor forbeare hearing

Lon. To heare meekely sirand to laugh moderately
or to forbeare both

Ber. Well sirbe it as the stile shall giue vs cause to
clime in the merrinesse

Clo. The matter is to me siras concerning Iaquenetta.
The manner of it isI was taken with the manner

Ber. In what manner?

Clo. In manner and forme following sir all those three.
I was seene with her in the Mannor housesitting with
her vpon the Formeand taken following her into the
Parke: which put to getheris in manner and forme
following. Now sir for the manner; It is the manner
of a man to speake to a womanfor the forme in some
forme

Ber. For the following sir

Clo. As it shall follow in my correctionand God defend
the right

Fer. Will you heare this Letter with attention?
Ber. As we would heare an Oracle


Clo. Such is the simplicitie of man to harken after the
flesh

Ferdinand. Great Deputiethe Welkins Vicegerentand sole
dominator
of Nauarmy soules earths Godand bodies fostring
patrone:

Cost. Not a word of Costard yet

Ferd. So it is

Cost. It may be so: but if he say it is sohe is in telling
true: but so

Ferd. Peace
Clow. Be to meand euery man that dares not fight


Ferd. No words
Clow. Of other mens secrets I beseech you


Ferd. So it is besieged with sable coloured melancholieI
did commend the blacke oppressing humour to the most
wholesome
Physicke of thy health-giuing ayre: And as I am a Gentleman
betooke my selfe to walke: the time When? about the
sixt houreWhen beasts most grasebirds best peckeand men
sit downe to that nourishment which is called supper: So much
for the time When. Now for the ground Which? which I
meane I walkt vponit is yclipedThy Parke. Then for the
place Where? where I meane I did encounter that obscene and
most preposterous euent that draweth from my snow-white pen
the ebon coloured Inkewhich heere thou viewestbeholdest:
suruayestor seest. But to the place Where? It standeth
North North-east and by East from the West corner of thy
curious knotted garden; There did I see that low spirited


Swainethat base Minow of thy myrth
Clown. Mee?
Ferd. that vnletered small knowing soule
Clow Me?
Ferd. that shallow

vassall
Clow. Still mee?)
Ferd. which as I rememberhight Costard
Clow. O me)
Ferd. sorted and consorted contrary to thy established

proclaymed Edict and ContinentCannon: Which
witho withbut with this I passion to say wherewith:
Clo. With a Wench

Ferd. With a childe of our Grandmother Euea female;
or for thy more sweet understanding a woman: himI (as my
euer esteemed dutie prickes me on) haue sent to theeto receiue
the meed of punishment by the sweet Graces Officer Anthony
Dulla man of good reputecarriagebearing& estimation

Anth. Mean't shall please you? I am Anthony Dull

Ferd. For Iaquenetta (so is the weaker vessell called)
which I apprehended with the aforesaid SwaineI keepe her
as a vessell of thy Lawes furieand shall at the least of thy
sweet noticebring her to triall. Thine in all complements of
deuoted and heart-burning heat of dutie.
Don Adriana de Armado

Ber. This is not so well as I looked forbut the best
that euer I heard

Fer. I the bestfor the worst. But sirraWhat say you
to this?
Clo. Sir I confesse the Wench

Fer. Did you heare the Proclamation?
Clo. I doe confesse much of the hearing itbut little
of the marking of it

Fer. It was proclaimed a yeeres imprisonment to bee
taken with a Wench

Clow. I was taken with none sirI was taken with a
Damosell

Fer. Wellit was proclaimed Damosell

Clo. This was no Damosell neyther sirshee was a
Virgin

Fer. It is so varried tofor it was proclaimed Virgin

Clo. If it wereI denie her Virginitie: I was taken
with a Maide

Fer. This Maid will not serue your turne sir

Clo. This Maide will serue my turne sir

Kin. Sir I will pronounce your sentence: You shall
fast a Weeke with Branne and water

Clo. I had rather pray a Moneth with Mutton and


Porridge

Kin. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Berownesee him deliuer'd ore
And goe we Lords to put in practice that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworne

Bero. Ile lay my head to any good mans hat
These oathes and lawes will proue an idle scorne.
Sirracome on

Clo. I suffer for the truth sir: for true it isI was taken
with Iaquenettaand Iaquenetta is a true girleand
therefore welcome the sowre cup of prosperitieaffliction
may one day smile againeand vntill then sit downe
sorrow.
Enter.

Enter Armado and Moth his Page.

Arma. BoyWhat signe is it when a man of great
spirit growes melancholy?
Boy. A great signe sirthat he will looke sad

Brag. Why? sadnesse is one and the selfe-same thing
deare impe

Boy. No noO Lord sir no

Brag. How canst thou part sadnesse and melancholy
my tender Iuuenall?
Boy. By a familiar demonstration of the workingmy
tough signeur

Brag. Why tough signeur? Why tough signeur?
Boy. Why tender Iuuenall? Why tender Iuuenall?
Brag. I spoke it tender Iuuenallas a congruent apathaton

appertaining to thy young daieswhich we may
nominate tender

Boy. And I tough signeuras an appertinent title to
your olde timewhich we may name tough

Brag. Pretty and apt

Boy. How meane you sirI prettyand my saying apt?
or I aptand my saying prettie?
Brag. Thou pretty because little

Boy. Little prettybecause little: wherefore apt?
Brag. And therefore aptbecause quicke


Boy. Speake you this in my praise Master?
Brag. In thy condigne praise


Boy. I will praise an Eele with the same praise

Brag. What? that an Eele is ingenuous

Boy. That an Eele is quicke

Brag. I doe say thou art quicke in answeres. Thou
heat'st my bloud


Boy. I am answer'd sir

Brag. I loue not to be crost

Boy. He speakes the meere contrarycrosses loue not him

Br. I haue promis'd to study iij. yeres with the Duke

Boy. You may doe it in an houre sir

Brag. Impossible

Boy. How many is one thrice told?
Bra. I am ill at reckningit fits the spirit of a Tapster

Boy. You are a gentleman and a gamester sir

Brag. I confesse boththey are both the varnish of a
compleat man

Boy. Then I am sure you know how much the grosse
summe of deus-ace amounts to

Brag. It doth amount to one more then two

Boy. Which the base vulgar call three

Br. True

Boy. Why sir is this such a peece of study?
Now here's three studiedere you'll thrice wink& how
easie it is to put yeres to the word threeand study three
yeeres in two wordsthe dancing horse will tell you

Brag. A most fine Figure

Boy. To proue you a Cypher

Brag. I will heereupon confesse I am in loue: and as
it is base for a Souldier to loue; so am I in loue with a
base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
of affectionwould deliuer mee from the reprobate
thought of itI would take Desire prisonerand ransome
him to any French Courtier for a new deuis'd curtsie. I
thinke scorne to sighme thinkes I should out-sweare
Cupid. Comfort me BoyWhat great men haue beene
in loue?

Boy. Hercules Master

Brag. Most sweete Hercules: more authority deare
Boyname more; and sweet my childe let them be men
of good repute and carriage

Boy. Sampson Masterhe was a man of good carriage
great carriage: for hee carried the Towne-gates on his
backe like a Porter: and he was in loue

Brag. O well-knit Sampsonstrong ioynted Sampson;
I doe excell thee in my rapieras much as thou didst mee
in carrying gates. I am in loue too. Who was Sampsons
loue my deare Moth?

Boy. A WomanMaster

Brag. Of what complexion?


Boy. Of all the foureor the threeor the twoor one
of the foure

Brag. Tell me precisely of what complexion?
Boy. Of the sea-water Greene sir


Brag. Is that one of the foure complexions?
Boy. As I haue read sirand the best of them too


Brag. Greene indeed is the colour of Louers: but to
haue a Loue of that colourmethinkes Sampson had small
reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit

Boy. It was so sirfor she had a greene wit

Brag. My Loue is most immaculate white and red

Boy. Most immaculate thoughts Masterare mask'd
vnder such colours

Brag. Definedefinewell educated infant

Boy. My fathers witteand my mothers tongue assist
mee

Brag. Sweet inuocation of a childemost pretty and
patheticall

Boy. If shee be made of white and red
Her faults will nere be knowne:
For blushin cheekes by faults are bred
And feares by pale white showne:
Then if she feareor be to blame
By this you shall not know
For still her cheekes possesse the same
Which natiue she doth owe:
A dangerous rime master against the reason of white
and redde

Brag. Is there not a ballet Boyof the King and the
Begger?

Boy. The world was very guilty of such a Ballet some
three ages sincebut I thinke now 'tis not to be found: or
if it wereit would neither serue for the writingnor the
tune

Brag. I will haue that subiect newly writ orethat I
may example my digression by some mighty president.
BoyI doe loue that Countrey girle that I tooke in
the Parke with the rationall hinde Costard: she deserues
well

Boy. To bee whip'd: and yet a better loue then my
Master

Brag. Sing Boymy spirit grows heauy in loue

Boy. And that's great maruelllouing a light wench

Brag. I say sing

Boy. Forbeare till this company be past.
Enter ClowneConstableand Wench.


Const. Sirthe Dukes pleasureis that you keepe Costard
safeand you must let him take no delightnor no
penancebut hee must fast three daies a weeke: for this
DamsellI must keepe her at the Parkeshee is alowd for
the Day-woman. Fare you well.
Enter.

Brag. I do betray my selfe with blushing: Maide

Maid. Man

Brag. I wil visit thee at the Lodge

Maid. That's here by

Brag. I know where it is situate

Mai. Lord how wise you are!
Brag. I will tell thee wonders


Ma. With what face?
Brag. I loue thee


Mai. So I heard you say

Brag. And so farewell

Mai. Faire weather after you

Clo. Come Iaquenettaaway.

Exeunt.

Brag. Villainethou shalt fast for thy offences ere
thou be pardoned

Clo. Well sirI hope when I doe itI shall doe it on a
full stomacke

Brag. Thou shalt be heauily punished

Clo. I am more bound to you then your fellowesfor
they are but lightly rewarded

Clo. Take away this villaineshut him vp

Boy. Come you transgressing slaueaway

Clow. Let mee not bee pent vp sirI will fast being
loose

Boy. No sirthat were fast and loose: thou shalt to
prison

Clow. Wellif euer I do see the merry dayes of desolation
that I haue seenesome shall see

Boy. What shall some see?

Clow. Nay nothingMaster Mothbut what they
looke vpon. It is not for prisoners to be silent in their
wordsand therefore I will say nothing: I thanke GodI
haue as little patience as another manand therefore I
can be quiet.
Enter.


Brag. I doe affect the very ground (which is base)
where her shooe (which is baser) guided by her foote
(which is basest) doth tread. I shall be forsworn (which
is a great argument of falshood) if I loue. And how can
that be true louewhich is falsly attempted? Loue is a familiar
Loue is a Diuell. There is no euill Angell but
Loueyet Sampson was so temptedand he had an excellent
strength: Yet was Salomon so seducedand hee had
a very good witte. Cupids Butshaft is too hard for Hercules
Clubbeand therefore too much ods for a Spaniards
Rapier: The first and second cause will not serue
my turne: the Passado hee respects notthe Duello he
regards not; his disgrace is to be called Boybut his
glorie is to subdue men. Adue Valourrust Rapierbee
still Drumfor your manager is in loue; yea hee loueth.
Assist me some extemporall god of Rimefor I am sure I
shall turne Sonnet. Deuise Witwrite Penfor I am for
whole volumes in folio.

Enter.

Finis Actus Primus.

Actus Secunda.

Enter the Princesse of Francewith three attending Ladiesand
three
Lords

Boyet. Now Madam summon vp your dearest spirits
Consider who the King your father sends:
To whom he sendsand what's his Embassie.
Your selfeheld precious in the worlds esteeme
To parlee with the sole inheritour
Of all perfections that a man may owe
Matchlesse Nauarrethe plea of no lesse weight
Then Aquitainea Dowrie for a Queene
Be now as prodigall of all deare grace
As Nature was in making Graces deare
When she did starue the generall world beside
And prodigally gaue them all to you

Queen. Good L[ord]. Boyetmy beauty though but mean
Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by iudgement of the eye
Not vttred by base sale of chapmens tongues:
I am lesse proud to heare you tell my worth
Then you much willing to be counted wise
In spending your wit in the praise of mine.
But now to taske the taskergood Boyet

Prin. You are not ignorant all-telling fame
Doth noyse abroad Nauar hath made a vow
Till painefull studie shall out-weare three yeares
No woman may approach his silent Court:
Therefore to's seemeth it a needfull course
Before we enter his forbidden gates
To know his pleasureand in that behalfe
Bold of your worthinessewe single you
As our best mouing faire soliciter:
Tell himthe daughter of the King of France


On serious businesse crauing quicke dispatch
Importunes personall conference with his grace.
Hastesignifie so much while we attend
Like humble visag'd suters his high will


Boy. Proud of imploymentwillingly I goe.
Enter.

Prin. All pride is willing prideand yours is so:
Who are the Votaries my Louing Lordsthat are vow-fellowes
with this vertuous Duke?

Lor. Longauill is one

Princ. Know you the man?

1 Lady. I know him Madame at a marriage feast
Betweene L[ord]. Perigort and the beautious heire
Of Iaques Fauconbridge solemnized.
In Normandie saw I this Longauill
A man of soueraigne parts he is esteem'd:
Well fitted in Artsglorious in Armes:
Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.
The onely soyle of his faire vertues glosse
If vertues glosse will staine with any soile
Is a sharp wit match'd with too blunt a Will:
Whose edge hath power to cut whose will still wills
It should none spare that come within his power

Prin. Some merry mocking Lord belikeist so?
Lad.1. They say so mostthat most his humors know


Prin. such short liu'd wits do wither as they grow.
Who are the rest?

2.Lad. The yong Dumainea well accomplisht youth
Of all that Vertue louefor Vertue loued.
Most power to doe most harmeleast knowing ill:
For he hath wit to make an ill shape good
And shape to win grace though she had no wit.
I saw him at the Duke Alansoes once
And much too little of that good I saw
Is my report to his great worthinesse

Rossa. Another of these Students at that time
Was there with himas I haue heard a truth.
Berowne they call himbut a merrier man
Within the limit of becomming mirth
I neuer spent an houres talke withall.
His eye begets occasion for his wit
For euery obiect that the one doth catch
The other turnes to a mirth-mouing iest.
Which his faire tongue (conceits expositor)
Deliuers in such apt and gracious words
That aged eares play treuant at his tales
And yonger hearings are quite rauished.
So sweet and voluble is his discourse

Prin. God blesse my Ladiesare they all in loue?
That euery one her owne hath garnished
With such bedecking ornaments of praise

Ma. Heere comes Boyet.
Enter Boyet.

Prin. Nowwhat admittance Lord?
Boyet. Nauar had notice of your faire approach;



And he and his competitors in oath
Were all addrest to meete you gentle Lady
Before I came: Marrie thus much I haue learnt
He rather meanes to lodge you in the field
Like one that comes heere to besiege his Court
Then seeke a dispensation for his oath:
To let you enter his vnpeopled house.
Enter NauarLongauillDumaineand Berowne.


Heere comes Nauar


Nau. Faire Princessewelcom to the Court of Nauar

Prin. Faire I giue you backe againeand welcome I
haue not yet: the roofe of this Court is too high to bee
yoursand welcome to the wide fieldstoo base to be
mine

Nau. You shall be welcome Madam to my Court

Prin. I wil be welcome thenConduct me thither

Nau. Heare me deare LadyI haue sworne an oath

Prin. Our Lady helpe my Lordhe'll be forsworne

Nau. Not for the world faire Madamby my will

Prin. Whywill shall breake it willand nothing els

Nau. Your Ladiship is ignorant what it is

Prin. Were my Lord sohis ignorance were wise
Where now his knowledge must proue ignorance.
I heare your grace hath sworne out House-keeping:
'Tis deadly sinne to keepe that oath my Lord
And sinne to breake it:
But pardon meI am too sodaine bold
To teach a Teacher ill beseemeth me.
Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my comming
And sodainly resolue me in my suite

Nau. MadamI willif sodainly I may

Prin. You will the sooner that I were away
For you'll proue periur'd if you make me stay

Berow. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
Rosa. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
Ber. I know you did


Rosa. How needlesse was it then to ask the question?
Ber. You must not be so quicke


Rosa. 'Tis long of you y spur me with such questions

Ber. Your wit's too hotit speeds too fast'twill tire

Rosa. Not till it leaue the Rider in the mire

Ber. What time a day?
Rosa. The howre that fooles should aske


Ber. Now faire befall your maske


Rosa. Faire fall the face it couers

Ber. And send you many louers

Rosa. Amenso you be none

Ber. Nay then will I be gone

Kin. Madameyour father heere doth intimate
The paiment of a hundred thousand Crownes
Being but th' one halfeof an intire summe
Disbursed by my father in his warres.
But say that heor weas neither haue
Receiu'd that summe; yet there remaines vnpaid
A hundred thousand more: in surety of the which
One part of Aquitaine is bound to vs
Although not valued to the moneys worth.
If then the King your father will restore
But that one halfe which is vnsatisfied
We will giue vp our right in Aquitaine
And hold faire friendship with his Maiestie:
But that it seemes he little purposeth
For here he doth demand to haue repaie
An hundred thousand Crownesand not demands
One paiment of a hundred thousand Crownes
To haue his title liue in Aquitaine.
Which we much rather had depart withall
And haue the money by our father lent
Then Aquitaneso guelded as it is.
Deare Princessewere not his requests so farre
From reasons yeeldingyour faire selfe should make
A yeelding 'gainst some reason in my brest
And goe well satisfied to France againe

Prin. You doe the King my Father too much wrong
And wrong the reputation of your name
In so vnseeming to confesse receyt
Of that which hath so faithfully beene paid

Kin. I doe protest I neuer heard of it
And if you proue itIle repay it backe
Or yeeld vp Aquitaine

Prin. We arrest your word:
Boyetyou can produce acquittances
For such a summefrom speciall Officers
Of Charles his Father

Kin. Satisfie me so

Boyet. So please your Gracethe packet is not come
Where that and other specialties are bound
To morrow you shall haue a sight of them

Kin. It shall suffice me; at which enterview
All liberall reason would I yeeld vnto:
Meane timereceiue such welcome at my hand
As honourwithout breach of Honour may
Make tender ofto thy true worthinesse.
You may not come faire Princesse in my gates
But heere without you shall be so receiu'd
As you shall deeme your selfe lodg'd in my heart
Though so deni'd farther harbour in my house:


Your owne good thoughts excuse meand farewell
To morrow we shall visit you againe
Prin. Sweet health & faire desires consort your grace
Kin. Thy own wish wish I theein euery place.
Enter.
Boy. LadyI will commend you to my owne heart
La.Ro. Pray you doe my commendations
I would be glad to see it
Boy. I would you heard it grone
La.Ro. Is the soule sicke?
Boy. Sicke at the heart
La.Ro. Alackelet it bloud
Boy. Would that doe it good?
La.Ro. My Phisicke saies I
Boy. Will you prick't with your eye
La.Ro. No poyntwith my knife
Boy. Now God saue thy life
La.Ro. And yours from long liuing
Ber. I cannot stay thanks-giuing.
Enter.

Enter Dumane.
Dum. SirI pray you a word: What Lady is that same?
Boy. The heire of AlansonRosalin her name

Dum. A gallant LadyMounsier fare you well
Long. I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?


Boy. A woman somtimesif you saw her in the light
Long. Perchance light in the light: I desire her name
Boy. Shee hath but one for her selfe

To desire that were a shame
Long. Pray you sirwhose daughter?

Boy. Her MothersI haue heard
Long. Gods blessing a your beard
Boy. Good sir be not offended


Shee is an heyre of Faulconbridge

Long. Naymy choller is ended:
Shee is a most sweet Lady.
Exit. Long.

Boy. Not vnlike sirthat may be.
Enter Beroune.


Ber. What's her name in the cap

Boy. Katherine by good hap

Ber. Is she weddedor no

Boy. To her will siror so
Ber. You are welcome siradiew


Boy. Fare well to me sirand welcome to you.
Enter.

La.Ma. That last is Berounethe mery mad-cap Lord.
Not a word with himbut a iest

Boy. And euery iest but a word

Pri. It was well done of you to take him at his word

Boy. I was as willing to grappleas he was to boord

La.Ma. Two hot Sheepes marie:
And wherefore not Ships?
Boy. No Sheepe (sweet Lamb) vnlesse we feed on your lips

La. You Sheepe & I pasture: shall that finish the iest?
Boy. So you grant pasture for me

La. Not so gentle beast.
My lips are no Commonthough seuerall they be

Bo. Belonging to whom?
La. To my fortunes and me


Prin. Good wits wil be ianglingbut gentles agree.
This ciuill warre of wits were much better vsed
On Nauar and his bookemenfor heere 'tis abus'd

Bo. If my obseruation (which very seldome lies
By the hearts still rhetorickedisclosed with eyes)
Deceiue me not nowNauar is infected

Prin. With what?
Bo. With that which we Louers intitle affected


Prin. Your reason

Bo. Why all his behauiours doe make their retire
To the court of his eyepeeping thorough desire.
His hart like an Agot with your print impressed
Proud with his formein his eie pride expressed.
His tongue all impatient to speake and not see
Did stumble with haste in his eie-sight to be
All sences to that sence did make their repaire
To feele onely looking on fairest of faire:
Me thought all his sences were lockt in his eye
As Iewels in Christall for some Prince to Buy.
Who tendring their own worth from whence they were glast
Did point out to buy them along as you past.
His faces owne margent did coate such amazes
That all eyes saw his eies inchanted with gazes.
Ile giue you Aquitaineand all that is his
And you giue him for my sakebut one louing Kisse


Prin. Come to our PauillionBoyet is disposde

Bro. But to speak that in wordswhich his eie hath disclos'd.
I onelie haue made a mouth of his eie
By adding a tonguewhich I know will not lie

Lad.Ro. Thou art an old Loue-mongerand speakest
skilfully

Lad.Ma. He is Cupids Grandfatherand learnes news
of him

Lad.2. Then was Venus like her motherfor her father
is but grim

Boy. Do you heare my mad wenches?
La.1. No


Boy. What thendo you see?
Lad.2. Iour way to be gone


Boy. You are too hard for me.

Exeunt. omnes.

Actus Tertius.

Enter Braggart and Boy.

Song.

Bra. Warble childemake passionate my sense of hearing

Boy. Concolinel

Brag. Sweete Ayergo tendernesse of yeares: take
this Keygiue enlargement to the swainebring him festinatly
hither: I must imploy him in a letter to my
Loue

Boy. Will you win your loue with a French braule?
Bra. How meanest thoubrauling in French?
Boy. No my compleat masterbut to Iigge off a tune


at the tongues endcanarie to it with the feetehumour
it with turning vp your eie: sigh a note and sing a note
sometime through the throate: if you swallowed loue
with singingloue sometime through: nose as if you
snuft vp loue by smelling loue with your hat penthouselike
ore the shop of your eieswith your armes crost on
your thinbellie doubletlike a Rabbet on a spitor your
hands in your pocketlike a man after the old painting
and keepe not too long in one tunebut a snip and away:
these are complementsthese are humoursthese betraie
nice wenches that would be betraied without theseand
make them men of note: do you note men that most are
affected to these?

Brag. How hast thou purchased this experience?
Boy. By my penne of obseruation


Brag. But Obut O

Boy. The Hobbie-horse is forgot


Bra. Cal'st thou my loue Hobbi-horse

Boy. No Masterthe Hobbie-horse is but a Coltand
and your Loue perhapsa Hacknie:
but haue you forgot your Loue?

Brag. Almost I had

Boy. Negligent studentlearne her by heart

Brag. By heartand in heart Boy

Boy. And out of heart Master: all those three I will
proue

Brag. What wilt thou proue?

Boy. A manif I liue (and this) byinand withoutvpon
the instant: by heart you loue herbecause your heart
cannot come by her: in heart you loue herbecause your
heart is in loue with her: and out of heart you loue her
being out of heart that you cannot enioy her

Brag. I am all these three

Boy. And three times as much moreand yet nothing
at all

Brag. Fetch hither the Swainehe must carrie mee a
letter

Boy. A message well simpathis'da Horse to be embassadour
for an Asse

Brag. HahaWhat saiest thou?
Boy. Marrie siryou must send the Asse vpon the Horse
for he is verie slow gated: but I goe

Brag. The way is but shortaway

Boy. As swift as Lead sir

Brag. Thy meaning prettie ingeniousis not Lead a
mettall heauiedulland slow?
Boy. Minnime honest Masteror rather Master no

Brag. I say Lead is slow

Boy. You are too swift sir to say so.
Is that Lead slow which is fir'd from a Gunne?

Brag. Sweete smoke of Rhetorike
He reputes me a Cannonand the Bullet that's he:
I shoote thee at the Swaine

Boy. Thump thenand I flee

Bra. A most acute Iuuenallvoluble and free of grace
By thy fauour sweet WelkinI must sigh in thy face.
Most rude melancholieValour giues thee place.
My Herald is return'd.
Enter Page and Clowne.

Pag. A wonder Masterhere's a Costard broken in a
shin


Ar. Some enigmasome riddlecomethy Lenuoy
begin

Clo. No egmano riddleno lenuoyno saluein thee
male sir. Or sirPlantana plaine Plantan: no lenuoyno
lenuoyno Salue sirbut a Plantan

Ar. By vertuethou inforcest laughterthy sillie
thoughtmy spleenethe heauing of my lunges prouokes
me to rediculous smyling: O pardon me my starsdoth
the inconsiderate take salue for lenuoyand the word lenuoy
for a salue?

Pag. Doe the wise thinke them otheris not lenuoy a
salue?

Ar. No Pageit is an epilogue or discourse to make plaine
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore bin faine.
Now will I begin your morralland do you follow with
my lenuoy.
The Foxethe Apeand the Humble-Bee
Were still at oddesbeing but three

Arm. Vntill the Goose came out of doore
Staying the oddes by adding foure

Pag. A good Lenuoyending in the Goose: would you
desire more?

Clo. The Boy hath sold him a bargainea Goosethat's flat.
Siryour penny-worth is goodand your Goose be fat.
To sell a bargaine well is as cunning as fast and loose:
Let me see a fat LenuoyI that's a fat Goose

Ar. Come hithercome hither:
How did this argument begin?
Boy. By saying that a Costard was broken in a shin.
Then cal'd you for the Lenuoy

Clow. Trueand I for a Plantan:
Thus came your argument in:
Then the Boyes fat Lenuoythe Goose that you bought
And he ended the market

Ar. But tell me: How was there a Costard broken in
a shin?
Pag. I will tell you sencibly

Clow. Thou hast no feeling of it Moth
I will speake that Lenuoy.
I Costard running outthat was safely within
Fell ouer the thresholdand broke my shin

Arm. We will talke no more of this matter

Clow. Till there be more matter in the shin

Arm. Sirra CostardI will infranchise thee

Clow. Omarrie me to one FrancisI smell some Lenuoy
some Goose in this

Arm. By my sweete souleI meanesetting thee at libertie.
Enfreedoming thy person: thou wert emured
restrainedcaptiuatedbound

Clow. Truetrueand now you will be my purgation


and let me loose

Arm. I giue thee thy libertieset thee from durance
and in lieu thereofimpose on thee nothing but this:
Beare this significant to the countrey Maide Iaquenetta:
there is remunerationfor the best ward of mine honours
is rewarding my dependants. Mothfollow

Pag. Like the sequell I.
Signeur Costard adew.
Enter.

Clow. My sweete ounce of mans fleshmy inconie
Iew: Now will I looke to his remuneration.
RemunerationOthat's the Latine word for three-farthings:
Three-farthings remunerationWhat's the price
of this yncle? i.d. noIle giue you a remuneration: Why?
It carries it remuneration: Why? It is a fairer name then
a French-Crowne. I will neuer buy and sell out of this
word.
Enter Berowne.

Ber. O my good knaue Costardexceedingly well met

Clow. Pray you sirHow much Carnation Ribbon

may a man buy for a remuneration?
Ber. What is a remuneration?
Cost. Marrie sirhalfe pennie farthing

Ber. OWhy then threefarthings worth of Silke

Cost. I thanke your worshipGod be wy you

Ber. O stay slaueI must employ thee:
As thou wilt win my fauourgood my knaue
Doe one thing for me that I shall intreate

Clow. When would you haue it done sir?
Ber. O this after-noone


Clo. WellI will doe it sir: Fare you well

Ber. O thou knowest not what it is

Clo. I shall know sirwhen I haue done it

Ber. Why villaine thou must know first

Clo. I wil come to your worship to morrow morning

Ber. It must be done this after-noone
Harke slaueit is but this:
The Princesse comes to hunt here in the Parke
And in her traine there is a gentle Ladie:
When tongues speak sweetlythen they name her name
And Rosaline they call heraske for her:
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This seal'd-vp counsaile. Ther's thy guerdon: goe

Clo. GardonO sweete gardonbetter then remuneration
a leuenpence-farthing better: most sweete gardon.
I will doe it sir in print: gardonremuneration.
Enter.


Ber. Oand I forsooth in loue
I that haue beene loues whip?
A verie Beadle to a humerous sigh: A Criticke
Naya night-watch Constable.
A domineering pedant ore the Boy
Then whom no mortall so magnificent
This wimpledwhyningpurblinde waiward Boy
This signior Iunios gyant dwarfedon Cupid
Regent of Loue-rimesLord of folded armes
Th' annointed soueraigne of sighes and groanes:
Liedge of all loyterers and malecontents:
Dread Prince of PlaccatsKing of Codpeeces.
Sole Emperator and great generall
Of trotting Parrators (O my little heart.)
And I to be a Corporall of his field
And weare his colours like a Tumblers hoope.
What? I loueI sueI seeke a wife
A woman that is like a Germane Cloake
Still a repairing: euer out of frame
And neuer going a rightbeing a Watch:
But being watchtthat it may still goe right.
Nayto be periurdewhich is worst of all:
And among threeto loue the worst of all
A whitly wantonwith a veluet brow.
With two pitch bals stucke in her face for eyes.
Iand by heauenone that will doe the deede
Though Argus were her Eunuch and her garde.
And I to sigh for herto watch for her
To pray for hergo to: it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadfull little might.
WellI will louewritesighprayshuegrone
Some men must loue my Ladyand some Ione.

Actus Quartus.

Enter the Princessea Forresterher Ladiesand her Lords.

Qu. Was that the King that spurd his horse so hard
Against the steepe vprising of the hill?
Boy. I know notbut I thinke it was not he

Qu. Who ere a wasa shew'd a mounting minde:
Well Lordsto day we shall haue our dispatch
On Saterday we will returne to France.
Then Forrester my friendWhere is the Bush
That we must stand and play the murtherer in?

For. Hereby vpon the edge of yonder Coppice
A stand where you may make the fairest shoote

Qu. I thanke my beautieI am faire that shoote
And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoote

For. Pardon me Madamfor I meant not so

Qu. Whatwhat? First praise me& then again say no.
O short liu'd pride. Not faire? alacke for woe

For. Yes Madam faire

Qu. Nayneuer paint me now
Where faire is notpraise cannot mend the brow.
Here (good my glasse) take this for telling true:
Faire paiment for foule wordsis more then due


For. Nothing but faire is that which you inherit

Qu. Seeseemy beautie will be sau'd by merit.
O heresie in fairefit for these dayes
A giuing handthough fouleshall haue faire praise.
But comethe Bow: Now Mercie goes to kill
And shooting wellis then accounted ill:
Thus will I saue my credit in the shoote
Not woundingpittie would not let me do't:
If woundingthen it was to shew my skill
That more for praisethen purpose meant to kill.
And out of questionso it is sometimes:
Glory growes guiltie of detested crimes
When for Fames sakefor praise an outward part
We bend to thatthe working of the hart.
As I for praise alone now seeke to spill
The poore Deeres bloodthat my heart meanes no ill

Boy. Do not curst wiues hold that selfe-soueraigntie
Onely for praise sakewhen they striue to be
Lords ore their Lords?

Qu. Onely for praiseand praise we may afford
To any Lady that subdewes a Lord.
Enter Clowne.

Boy. Here comes a member of the common-wealth

Clo. God dig-you-den allpray you which is the head
Lady?
Qu. Thou shalt know her fellowby the rest that haue
no heads

Clo. Which is the greatest Ladythe highest?
Qu. The thickestand the tallest


Clo. The thickest& the tallest: it is sotruth is truth.
And your waste Mistriswere as slender as my wit
One a these Maides girdles for your waste should be fit.
Are not you the chiefe woma[n]? You are the thickest here?

Qu. What's your will sir? What's your will?
Clo. I haue a Letter from Monsier Berowne
To one Lady Rosaline

Qu. O thy letterthy letter: He's a good friend of mine.
Stand a side good bearer.
Boyetyou can carue
Breake vp this Capon

Boyet. I am bound to serue.
This Letter is mistooke: it importeth none here:
It is writ to Iaquenetta

Qu. We will read itI sweare.
Breake the necke of the Waxeand euery one giue eare

Boyet reades. By heauenthat thou art faireis most infallible:
true
that thou art beauteoustruth it selfe that thou art
louely: more fairer then fairebeautifull then beautious
truer then truth it selfe: haue comiseration on thy heroicall
Vassall. The magnanimous and most illustrate King
Cophetua set eie vpon the pernicious and indubitate Begger
Zenelophon: and he it was that might rightly sayVeni


vidivici: Which to annothanize in the vulgarO
base and obscure vulgar; videlisetHe cameSeeand ouercame:
hee came one; seetwo; ouercame three:
Who came? the King. Why did he come? to see. Why
did he see? to ouercome. To whom came he? to the
Begger. What saw he? the Begger. Who ouercame
he? the Begger. The conclusion is victorie: On whose
side? the King: the captiue is inricht: On whose side?
the Beggers. The catastrophe is a Nuptiall: on whose
side? the Kings: noon both in oneor one in both. I am
the King (for so stands the comparison) thou the Begger
for so witnesseth thy lowlinesse. Shall I command
thy loue? I may. Shall I enforce thy loue? I could.
Shall I entreate thy loue? I will. Whatshalt thou exchange
for raggesroabes: for tittles titlesfor thy selfe
mee. Thus expecting thy replyI prophane my lips on
thy footemy eyes on thy pictureand my heart on thy
euerie part.
Thine in the dearest designe of industrie
Don Adriana de Armatho.
Thus dost thou heare the Nemean Lion roare
Gainst thee thou Lambethat standest as his pray:
Submissiue fall his princely feete before
And he from forrage will incline to play.
But if thou striue (poore soule) what art thou then?
Foode for his ragerepasture for his den


Qu. What plume of feathers is hee that indited this

Letter? What veine? What Wethercocke? Did you

euer heare better?
Boy. I am much deceiuedbut I remember the stile

Qu. Else your memorie is badgoing ore it erewhile

Boy. This Armado is a Spaniard that keeps here in court

A Phantasimea Monarchoand one that makes sport

To the Prince and his Booke-mates

Qu. Thou fellowa word.
Who gaue thee this Letter?
Clow. I told youmy Lord

Qu. To whom should'st thou giue it?
Clo. From my Lord to my Lady


Qu. From which Lordto which Lady?
Clo. From my Lord Berownea good master of mine
To a Lady of Francethat he call'd Rosaline

Qu. Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come Lords away.
Here sweeteput vp this'twill be thine another day.

Exeunt.

Boy. Who is the shooter? Who is the shooter?
Rosa. Shall I teach you to know


Boy. I my continent of beautie

Rosa. Why she that beares the Bow. Finely put off

Boy. My Lady goes to kill hornesbut if thou marrie

Hang me by the neckeif hornes that yeare miscarrie.

Finely put on


Rosa. Well thenI am the shooter

Boy. And who is your Deare?
Rosa. If we choose by the hornesyour selfe come not
neare. Finely put on indeede

Maria. You still wrangle with her Boyetand shee
strikes at the brow

Boyet. But she her selfe is hit lower:
Haue I hit her now

Rosa. Shall I come vpon thee with an old sayingthat
was a man when King Pippin of France was a little boyas
touching the hit it

Boyet. So I may answere thee with one as old that
was a woman when Queene Guinouer of Brittaine was a
little wenchas touching the hit it

Rosa. Thou canst not hit ithit ithit it
Thou canst not hit it my good man

Boy. I cannotcannotcannot:
And I cannotanother can.
Enter.

Clo. By my troth most pleasanthow both did fit it

Mar. A marke marueilous well shotfor they both
did hit

Boy. A markO marke but that marke: a marke saies
my Lady.
Let the mark haue a pricke in'tto meat atif it may be

Mar. Wide a'th bow handyfaith your hand is out

Clo. Indeede a' must shoote neareror heele ne're hit
the clout

Boy. And if my hand be outthen belike your hand
is in

Clo. Then will shee get the vpshoot by cleauing the
is in

Ma. Comecomeyou talke greaselyyour lips grow
foule

Clo. She's too hard for you at prickssir challenge her
to boule

Boy. I feare too much rubbing: good night my good
Oule

Clo. By my soule a Swainea most simple Clowne.
LordLordhow the Ladies and I haue put him downe.
O my troth most sweete iestsmost inconie vulgar wit
When it comes so smoothly offso obscenelyas it were
so fit.
Armathor ath to the sideO a most dainty man.
To see him walke before a Ladyand to beare her Fan.


To see him kisse his handand how most sweetly a will
sweare:
And his Page atother sidethat handfull of wit
Ah heauensit is most patheticall nit.
Sowlasowla.


Exeunt. Shoote within.


Enter DullHolofernesthe Pedant and Nathaniel.


Nat. Very reuerent sport truelyand done in the testimony
of a good conscience

Ped. The Deare was (as you know) sanguis in blood
ripe as a Pomwater who now hangeth like a Iewell in
the eare of Celo the skie; the welken the heauenand anon
falleth like a Crab on the face of Terrathe soylethe
landthe earth

Curat.Nath. Truely M[aster]. Holofernesthe epythithes are
sweetly varied like a scholler at the least: but sir I assure
yeit was a Bucke of the first head

Hol. Sir Nathanielhaud credo

Dul. 'Twas not a haud credo'twas a Pricket

Hol. Most barbarous intimation: yet a kinde of insinuation
as it were in viain way of explication facere: as
it were replicationor rather ostentareto show as it were
his inclination after his vndressedvnpolishedvneducated
vnprunedvntrainedor rather vnletteredor ratherest
vnconfirmed fashionto insert againe my haud credo
for a Deare

Dul. I said the Deare was not a haud credo'twas a
Pricket

Hol. Twice sod simplicitiebis coctusO thou monster
Ignorancehow deformed doost thou looke

Nath. Sir hee hath neuer fed of the dainties that are
bred in a booke.
He hath not eate paper as it were:
He hath not drunke inke.
His intellect is not replenishedhee is onely an animall
onely sensible in the duller parts: and such barren plants
are set before vsthat we thankfull should be: which we
taste and feelingare for those parts that doe fructifie in
vs more then he.
For as it would ill become me to be vaineindiscreetor
a foole;
So were there a patch set on Learningto see him in a
Schoole.
But omne bene say Ibeing of an old Fathers minde
Many can brooke the weatherthat loue not the winde

Dul. You two are book-men: Can you tell by your
witWhat was a month old at Cains birththat's not fiue
weekes old as yet?

Hol. Dictisima goodman Dulldictisima goodman
Dull

Dul. What is dictima?


Nath. A title to Phebeto Lunato the Moone

Hol. The Moone was a month old when Adam was
no more.
And wrought not to fiue-weekes when he came to fiuescore.
Th' allusion holds in the Exchange

Dul. 'Tis true indeedethe Collusion holds in the
Exchange

Hol. God comfort thy capacityI say th' allusion holds
in the Exchange

Dul. And I say the polusion holds in the Exchange:
for the Moone is neuer but a month old: and I say beside
that'twas a Pricket that the Princesse kill'd

Hol. Sir Nathanielwill you heare an extemporall
Epytaph on the death of the Deareand to humour
the ignorant call'd the Dearethe Princesse kill'd a
Pricket

Nath. Pergegood M[aster]. Holofernespergeso it shall
please you to abrogate scurilitie

Hol. I will something affect a letterfor it argues
facilitie.
The prayfull Princesse pearst and prickt
a prettie pleasing Pricket
Some say a Sorebut not a sore
till now made sore with shooting.
The Dogges did yellput ell to Sore
then Sorrell iumps from thicket:
Or Pricket-soreor else Sorell
the people fall a hooting.
If Sore be sorethan ell to Sore
makes fiftie sores O sorell:
Of one sore I an hundred make
by adding but one more L

Nath. A rare talent

Dul. If a talent be a clawlooke how he clawes him
with a talent

Nath. This is a gift that I haue simple: simplea foolish
extrauagant spiritfull of formesfiguresshapesobiects
Ideasapprehensionsmotionsreuolutions. These
are begot in the ventricle of memorienourisht in the
wombe of primaterand deliuered vpon the mellowing
of occasion: but the gift is good in those in whom it is
acuteand I am thankfull for it

Hol. SirI praise the Lord for youand so may my
parishionersfor their Sonnes are well tutor'd by you
and their Daughters profit very greatly vnder you: you
are a good member of the common-wealth

Nath. Me hercleIf their Sonnes be ingenuousthey
shall want no instruction: If their Daughters be capable
I will put it to them. But Vir sapis qui pauca loquitura
soule Feminine saluteth vs.
Enter Iaquenetta and the Clowne.


Iaqu. God giue you good morrow M[aster]. Person

Nath. Master Personquasi Person? And if one should
be perstWhich is the one?
Clo. Marry M[aster]. Schoolemasterhee that is likest to a
hogshead

Nath. Of persing a Hogsheada good luster of conceit
in a turph of EarthFire enough for a FlintPearle
enough for a Swine: 'tis prettieit is well

Iaqu. Good Master Parson be so good as reade mee
this Letterit was giuen mee by Costardand sent mee
from Don Armatho: I beseech you read it

Nath. Facile precor gellidaquando pecas omnia sub vmbra
ruminatand so forth. Ah good old MantuanI
may speake of thee as the traueiler doth of Venicevemchie
venchaque non te vndeque non te perreche. Old Mantuan
old Mantuan. Who vnderstandeth thee notvt re
sol la mi fa: Vnder pardon sirWhat are the contents? or
rather as Horrace sayes in hisWhat my soule verses

Hol. I sirand very learned

Nath. Let me heare a staffea stanzea verseLege domine.
If Loue make me forswornehow shall I sweare to loue?
Ah neuer faith could holdif not to beautie vowed.
Though to my selfe forswornto thee Ile faithfull proue.
Those thoughts to mee were Okesto thee like Osiers
bowed.
Studie his byas leauesand makes his booke thine eyes.
Where all those pleasures liuethat Art would comprehend.
If knowledge be the marketo know thee shall suffice.
Well learned is that tonguethat well can thee co[m]mend.
All ignorant that soulethat sees thee without wonder.
Which is to me some praisethat I thy parts admire;
Thy eye Ioues lightning bearesthy voyce his dreadfull
thunder.
Which not to anger bentis musiqueand sweete fire.
Celestiall as thou artOh pardon loue this wrong
That sings heauens praisewith such an earthly tongue

Ped. You finde not the apostraphasand so misse the
accent. Let me superuise the cangenet

Nath. Here are onely numbers ratifiedbut for the
elegancyfacility& golden cadence of poesie caret: Ouiddius
Naso was the man. And why in deed Nasobut
for smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy? the
ierkes of inuention imitarie is nothing: So doth the
Hound his masterthe Ape his keeperthe tyred Horse
his rider: But Damosella virginWas this directed to
you?

Iaq. I sir from one mounsier Berowneone of the
strange Queenes Lords

Nath. I will ouerglance the superscript.
To the snow-white hand of the most beautious Lady Rosaline.
I will looke againe on the intellect of the Letterfor
the nomination of the partie written to the person written
vnto.
Your Ladiships in all desired imploymentBerowne


Ped. Sir Holofernesthis Berowne is one of the Votaries
with the Kingand here he hath framed a Letter to a sequent
of the stranger Queens: which accidentallyor
by the way of progressionhath miscarried. Trip and
goe my sweetedeliuer this Paper into the hand of the
Kingit may concerne much: stay not thy complementI
forgiue thy duetieadue

Maid. Good Costard go with me:
Sir God saue your life

Cost. Haue with thee my girle.
Enter.

Hol. Sir you haue done this in the feare of God very
religiously: and as a certaine Father saith

Ped. Sir tell not me of the FatherI do feare colourable
colours. But to returne to the VersesDid they please
you sir Nathaniel?

Nath. Marueilous well for the pen

Peda. I do dine to day at the fathers of a certaine Pupill
of minewhere if (being repast) it shall please you to
gratifie the table with a GraceI will on my priuiledge I
haue with the parents of the foresaid Childe or Pupill
vndertake your bien venutowhere I will proue those
Verses to be very vnlearnedneither sauouring of
PoetrieWitnor Inuention. I beseech your Societie

Nat. And thanke you to: for societie (saith the text)
is the happinesse of life

Peda. And certes the text most infallibly concludes it.
Sir I do inuite you tooyou shall not say me nay: pauca
verba.
Awaythe gentles are at their gameand we will to our
recreation.

Exeunt.

Enter Berowne with a Paper in his handalone.

Bero. The King he is hunting the Deare
I am coursing my selfe.
They haue pitcht a ToyleI am toyling in a pytch
pitch that defiles; defilea foule word: Wellset thee
downe sorrow; for so they say the foole saidand so say
Iand I the foole: Well proued wit. By the Lord this
Loue is as mad as Aiaxit kils sheepeit kils meeI a
sheepe: Well proued againe a my side. I will not loue;
if I do hang me: yfaith I will not. O but her eye: by
this lightbut for her eyeI would not loue her; yesfor
her two eyes. WellI doe nothing in the world but lye
and lye in my throate. By heauen I doe loueand it hath
taught mee to Rimeand to be mallicholie: and here is
part of my Rimeand heere my mallicholie. Wellshe
hath one a'my Sonnets alreadythe Clowne bore itthe
Foole sent itand the Lady hath it: sweet Clownesweeter
Foolesweetest Lady. By the worldI would not care
a pinif the other three were in. Here comes one with a
paperGod giue him grace to grone.

He stands aside. The King entreth.


Kin. Ay mee!

Ber. Shot by heauen: proceede sweet Cupidthou hast
thumpt him with thy Birdbolt vnder the left pap: in faith
secrets

King. So sweete a kisse the golden Sunne giues not
To those fresh morning drops vpon the Rose
As thy eye beameswhen their fresh rayse haue smot.
The night of dew that on my cheekes downe flowes.
Nor shines the siluer Moone one halfe so bright
Through the transparent bosome of the deepe
As doth thy face through teares of mine giue light:
Thou shin'st in euery teare that I doe weepe
No dropbut as a Coach doth carry thee:
So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.
Do but behold the teares that swell in me
And they thy glory through my griefe will show:
But doe not loue thy selfethen thou wilt keepe
My teares for glassesand still make me weepe.
O Queene of Queeneshow farre dost thou excell
No thought can thinkenor tongue of mortall tell.
How shall she know my griefes? Ile drop the paper.
Sweete leaues shade folly. Who is he comes heere?
Enter Longauile. The King steps aside.

What Longauilland reading: listen eare

Ber. Now in thy likenesseone more foole appeare

Long. Ay meI am forsworne

Ber. Why he comes in like a periurewearing papers

Long. In loue I hopesweet fellowship in shame

Ber. One drunkard loues another of the name

Lon. Am I the first y haue been periur'd so?

Ber. I could put thee in comfortnot by two that I know
Thou makest the triumpherythe corner cap of societie
The shape of Loues Tiburnethat hangs vp simplicitie

Lon. I feare these stubborn lines lack power to moue.
O sweet MariaEmpresse of my Loue
These numbers will I teareand write in prose

Ber. O Rimes are gards on wanton Cupids hose
Disfigure not his Shop

Lon. This same shall goe.

He reades the Sonnet.


Did not the heauenly Rhetoricke of thine eye
'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument
Perswade my heart to this false periurie?
Vowes for thee broke deserue not punishment.
A Woman I forsworebut I will proue
Thou being a GoddesseI forswore not thee.
My Vow was earthlythou a heauenly Loue.
Thy grace being gain'dcures all disgrace in me.
Vowes are but breathand breath a vapour is.
Then thou faire Sunwhich on my earth doest shine
Exhalest this vapor-vowin thee it is:



If broken thenit is no fault of mine:
If by me brokeWhat foole is not so wise
To loose an oathto win a Paradise?

Ber. This is the liuer veinewhich makes flesh a deity.
A greene Goosea Goddessepure pure Idolatry.
God amend vsGod amendwe are much out o'th' way.
Enter Dumaine.

Lon. By whom shall I send this (company?) Stay

Bero. All hidall hidan old infant play
Like a demie Godhere sit I in the skie
And wretched fooles secrets heedfully ore-eye.
More Sacks to the myll. O heauens I haue my wish
Dumaine transform'dfoure Woodcocks in a dish

Dum. O most diuine Kate

Bero. O most prophane coxcombe

Dum. By heauen the wonder of a mortall eye

Bero. By earth she is notcorporallthere you lye

Dum. Her Amber haires for foule hath amber coted

Ber. An Amber coloured Rauen was well noted

Dum. As vpright as the Cedar

Ber. Stoope I sayher shoulder is with-child

Dum. As faire as day

Ber. I as some daiesbut then no sunne must shine

Dum. O that I had my wish?
Lon. And I had mine


Kin. And mine too good Lord

Ber. Amenso I had mine: Is not that a good word?
Dum. I would forget herbut a Feuer she
Raignes in my bloudand will remembred be

Ber. A Feuer in your bloudwhy then incision
Would let her out in Sawcerssweet misprision

Dum. Once more Ile read the Ode that I haue writ

Ber. Once more Ile marke how Loue can varry Wit.

Dumane reades his Sonnet.


On a dayalack the day:
Louewhose Month is euery May
Spied a blossome passing faire
Playing in the wanton ayre:
Through the Veluetleaues the winde
All vnseenecan passage finde.
That the Louer sicke to death
Wish himselfe the heauens breath.
Ayre (quoth he) thy cheekes may blowe
Ayrewould I might triumph so.



But alacke my hand is sworne
Nere to plucke thee from thy throne:
Vow alacke for youth vnmeete
youth so apt to plucke a sweet.
Doe not call it sinne in me
That I am forsworne for thee.
Thou for whom Ioue would sweare
Iuno but an aethiop were
And denie himselfe for Ioue.
Turning mortall for thy Loue.
This will I sendand something else more plaine.
That shall expresse my true-loues fasting paine.
O would the KingBerowne and Longauill
Were Louers tooill to example ill
Would from my forehead wipe a periur'd note:
For none offendwhere all alike doe dote


Lon. Dumainethy Loue is farre from charitie
That in Loues griefe desir'st societie:
You may looke palebut I should blush I know
To be ore-heardand taken napping so

Kin. Come siryou blush: as hisyour case is such
You chide at himoffending twice as much.
You doe not loue Maria? Longauile
Did neuer Sonnet for her sake compile;
Nor neuer lay his wreathed armes athwart
His louing bosometo keepe downe his heart.
I haue beene closely shrowded in this bush
And markt you bothand for you both did blush.
I heard your guilty Rimesobseru'd your fashion:
Saw sighes reeke from younoted well your passion.
Aye mesayes one! O Iouethe other cries!
On her haires were GoldChristall the others eyes.
You would for Paradise breake Faith and troth
And Ioue for your Loue would infringe an oath.
What will Berowne say when that he shall heare
Faith infringedwhich such zeale did sweare.
How will he scorne? how will he spend his wit?
How will he triumphleapeand laugh at it?
For all the wealth that euer I did see
I would not haue him know so much by me

Bero. Now step I forth to whip hypocrisie.
Ah good my LiedgeI pray thee pardon me.
Good heartWhat grace hast thou thus to reproue
These wormes for louingthat art most in loue?
Your eyes doe make no couches in your teares.
There is no certaine Princesse that appeares.
You'll not be periur'd'tis a hatefull thing:
Tushnone but Minstrels like of Sonnetting.
But are you not asham'd? nayare you not
All three of youto be thus much ore'shot?
You found his Moththe King your Moth did see:
But I a Beame doe finde in each of three.
O what a Scene of fool'ry haue I seene.
Of sighesof gronesof sorrowand of teene:
O mewith what strict patience haue I sat
To see a King transformed to a Gnat?
To see great Hercules whipping a Gigge
And profound Salomon tuning a Iygge?
And Nestor play at push-pin with the boyes
And Critticke Tymon laugh at idle toyes.
Where lies thy griefe? O tell me good Dumaine;


And gentle Longauillwhere lies thy paine?
And where my Liedges? all about the brest:
A Candle hoa!

Kin. Too bitter is thy iest.
Are wee betrayed thus to thy ouer-view?

Ber. Not you by mebut I betrayed to you.
I that am honestI that hold it sinne
To breake the vow I am ingaged in.
I am betrayed by keeping company
With menlike men of inconstancie.
When shall you see me write a thing in rime?
Or grone for Ioane? or spend a minutes time
In pruning meewhen shall you heare that I will praise a
handa foota facean eye: a gatea statea browa brest
a wastea leggea limme

Kin. SoftWhither away so fast?
A true manor a theefethat gallops so

Ber. I post from Louegood Louer let me go.
Enter Iaquenetta and Clowne.

Iaqu. God blesse the King

Kin. What Present hast thou there?
Clo. Some certaine treason


Kin. What makes treason heere?
Clo. Nay it makes nothing sir


Kin. If it marre nothing neither
The treason and you goe in peace away together

Iaqu. I beseech your Grace let this Letter be read
Our person mis-doubts it: it was treason he said

Kin. Berowneread it ouer.

He reades the Letter.

Kin. Where hadst thou it?
Iaqu. Of Costard


King. Where hadst thou it?
Cost. Of Dun AdramadioDun Adramadio


Kin. How nowwhat is in you? why dost thou tear it?
Ber. A toy my Liedgea toy: your grace needes not
feare it

Long. It did moue him to passionand therefore let's
heare it

Dum. It is Berowns writingand heere is his name

Ber. Ah you whoreson loggerheadyou were borne
to doe me shame.
Guilty my Lordguilty: I confesseI confesse

Kin. What?

Ber. That you three fooleslackt mee fooleto make
vp the messe.
Heheand you: and you my Liedgeand I
Are picke-purses in Loueand we deserue to die.


O dismisse this audienceand I shall tell you more

Dum. Now the number is euen

Berow. True truewe are fowre: will these Turtles
be gone?
Kin. Hence sirsaway

Clo. Walk aside the true folke& let the traytors stay

Ber. Sweet Lordssweet LouersO let vs imbrace
As true we are as flesh and bloud can be
The Sea will ebbe and flowheauen will shew his face:
Young bloud doth not obey an old decree.
We cannot crosse the cause why we are borne:
Therefore of all hands must we be forsworne

King. Whatdid these rent lines shew some loue of
thine?

Ber. Did theyquoth you? Who sees the heauenly Rosaline
That (like a rude and sauage man of Inde.)
At the first opening of the gorgeous East
Bowes not his vassall headand strooken blinde
Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?
What peremptory Eagle-sighted eye
Dares looke vpon the heauen of her brow
That is not blinded by her maiestie?

Kin. What zealewhat furiehath inspir'd thee now?
My Loue (her Mistres) is a gracious Moone
Shee (an attending Starre) scarce seene a light

Ber. My eyes are then no eyesnor I Berowne.
Obut for my Loueday would turne to night
Of all complexions the cul'd soueraignty
Doe meet as at a faire in her faire cheeke
Where seuerall Worthies make one dignity
Where nothing wantsthat want it selfe doth seeke.
Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues
Fie painted RethorickeO she needs it not
To things of salea sellers praise belongs:
She passes praysethen prayse too short doth blot.
A withered Hermitefiuescore winters worne
Might shake off fiftielooking in her eye:
Beauty doth varnish Ageas if new borne
And giues the Crutch the Cradles infancie.
O 'tis the Sunne that maketh all things shine

King. By heauenthy Loue is blacke as Ebonie

Berow. Is Ebonie like her? O word diuine?
A wife of such wood were felicite.
O who can giue an oth? Where is a booke?
That I may sweare Beauty doth beauty lacke
If that she learne not of her eye to looke:
No face is faire that is not full so blacke

Kin. O paradoxeBlacke is the badge of hell
The hue of dungeonsand the Schoole of night:
And beauties crest becomes the heauens well

Ber. Diuels soonest tempt resembling spirits of light.
O if in blacke my Ladies browes be deckt
It mournesthat painting vsurping haire
Should rauish doters with a false aspect:


And therfore is she borne to make blackefaire.
Her fauour turnes the fashion of the dayes
For natiue bloud is counted painting now:
And therefore red that would auoyd dispraise
Paints it selfe blacketo imitate her brow


Dum. To look like her are Chimny-sweepers blacke

Lon. And since her timeare Colliers counted bright

King. And Aethiops of their sweet complexion crake

Dum. Dark needs no Candles nowfor dark is light

Ber. Your mistresses dare neuer come in raine
For feare their colours should be washt away

Kin. 'Twere good yours did: for sir to tell you plaine
Ile finde a fairer face not washt to day

Ber. Ile proue her faireor talke till dooms-day here

Kin. No Diuell will fright thee then so much as shee

Duma. I neuer knew man hold vile stuffe so deere

Lon. Lookeheer's thy louemy foot and her face see

Ber. O if the streets were paued with thine eyes
Her feet were much too dainty for such tread

Duma. O vilethen as she goes what vpward lyes?
The street should see as she walk'd ouer head

Kin. But what of thisare we not all in loue?
Ber. O nothing so sureand thereby all forsworne


Kin. Then leaue this chat& good Berown now proue
Our louing lawfulland our fayth not torne

Dum. I marie theresome flattery for this euill

Long. O some authority how to proceed
Some trickssome quilletshow to cheat the diuell

Dum. Some salue for periurie

Ber. O 'tis more then neede.
Haue at you then affections men at armes
Consider what you first did sweare vnto:
To fastto studyand to see no woman:
Flat treason against the Kingly state of youth.
SayCan you fast? your stomacks are too young:
And abstinence ingenders maladies.
And where that you haue vow'd to studie (Lords)
In that each of you haue forsworne his Booke.
Can you still dreame and poreand thereon looke.
For when would you my Lordor youor you
Haue found the ground of studies excellence
Without the beauty of a womans face;
From womens eyes this doctrine I deriue
They are the Groundthe Bookesthe Achadems
From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire.
Whyvniuersall plodding poysons vp


The nimble spirits in the arteries
As motion and long during action tyres
The sinnowy vigour of the trauailer.
Now for not looking on a womans face
You haue in that forsworne the vse of eyes:
And studie toothe causer of your vow.
For where is any Author in the world
Teaches such beauty as a womans eye:
Learning is but an adiunct to our selfe
And where we areour Learning likewise is.
Then when our selues we see in Ladies eyes
With our selues.
Doe we not likewise see our learning there?
O we haue made a Vow to studieLords
And in that vow we haue forsworne our Bookes:
For when would you (my Leege) or youor you?
In leaden contemplation haue found out
Such fiery Numbers as the prompting eyes
Of beauties tutors haue inrich'd you with:
Other slow Arts intirely keepe the braine:
And therefore finding barraine practizers
Scarce shew a haruest of their heauy toyle.
But Loue first learned in a Ladies eyes
Liues not alone emured in the braine:
But with the motion of all elements
Courses as swift as thought in euery power
And giues to euery power a double power
Aboue their functions and their offices.
It addes a precious seeing to the eye:
A Louers eyes will gaze an Eagle blinde.
A Louers eare will heare the lowest sound.
When the suspicious head of theft is stopt.
Loues feeling is more soft and sensible
Then are the tender hornes of Cockle Snayles.
Loues tongue proues daintyBachus grosse in taste
For Valouris not Loue a Hercules?
Still climing trees in the Hesperides.
Subtill as Sphinxas sweet and musicall
As bright Apollo's Lutestrung with his haire.
And when Loue speakesthe voyce of all the Gods
Make heauen drowsie with the harmonie.
Neuer durst Poet touch a pen to write
Vntill his Inke were tempred with Loues sighes:
O then his lines would rauish sauage eares
And plant in Tyrants milde humilitie.
From womens eyes this doctrine I deriue.
They sparcle still the right promethean fire
They are the Bookesthe Artsthe Achademes
That shewcontaineand nourish all the world.
Else none at all in ought proues excellent.
Then fooles you were these women to forsweare:
Or keeping what is sworneyou will proue fooles
For Wisedomes sakea word that all men loue:
Or for Loues sakea word that loues all men.
Or for Mens sakethe author of these Women:
Or Womens sakeby whom we men are Men.
Let's once loose our oathes to finde our selues
Or else we loose our seluesto keepe our oathes:
It is religion to be thus forsworne.
For Charity it selfe fulfills the Law:
And who can seuer loue from Charity


Kin. Saint Cupid thenand Souldiers to the field


Ber. Aduance your standards& vpon them Lords
Pellmelldowne with them: but be first aduis'd
In conflict that you get the Sunne of them

Long. Now to plaine dealingLay these glozes by
Shall we resolue to woe these girles of France?
Kin. And winne them tootherefore let vs deuise
Some entertainment for them in their Tents

Ber. First from the Park let vs conduct them thither
Then homeward euery man attach the hand
Of his faire Mistressein the afternoone
We will with some strange pastime solace them:
Such as the shortnesse of the time can shape
For ReuelsDancesMaskesand merry houres
Fore-runne faire Louestrewing her way with flowres

Kin. Awayawayno time shall be omitted
That will be timeand may by vs be fitted

Ber. Alonealone sowed Cockellreap'd no Corne
And Iustice alwaies whirles in equall measure:
Light Wenches may proue plagues to men forsworne
If soour Copper buyes no better treasure.

Exeunt.

Actus Quartus.

Enter the PedantCurate and Dull.

Pedant. Satis quid sufficit

Curat. I praise God for you siryour reasons at dinner
haue beene sharpe & sententious: pleasant without scurrillity
witty without affectionaudacious without impudency
learned without opinionand strange without
heresie: I did conuerse this quondam day with a companion
of the Kingswho is intitulednominatedor called
Don Adriano de Armatho

Ped. Noui hominum tanquam teHis humour is lofty
his discourse peremptorie: his tongue filedhis eye
ambitioushis gate maiesticalland his generall behauiour
vaineridiculousand thrasonicall. He is too picked
too sprucetoo affectedtoo oddeas it weretoo peregrinat
as I may call it

Curat. A most singular and choise Epithat

Draw out his Table-booke.

Peda. He draweth out the thred of his verbositiefiner
then the staple of his argument. I abhor such phanaticall
phantasimssuch insociable and poynt deuise
companionssuch rackers of ortagriphieas to speake
dout finewhen he should say doubt; detwhen he shold
pronounce debt; debtnot det: he clepeth a CalfCaufe:
halfehaufe: neighbour vocatur nebour; neigh abreuiated
ne: this is abhominablewhich he would call abhominable
it insinuateth me of infamie: ne inteligis domineto
make frantickelunaticke?

Cura. Laus deobene intelligo


Peda. Bome boon for boon presciana little scratcht'twil
serue.
Enter BragartBoy.

Curat. Vides ne quis venit?

Peda. Video& gaudio

Brag. Chirra

Peda. Quari Chirranot Sirra?
Brag. Men of peace well incountred


Ped. Most millitarie sir salutation

Boy. They haue beene at a great feast of Languages
and stolne the scraps

Clow. O they haue liu'd long on the almes-basket of
words. I maruell thy M[aster]. hath not eaten thee for a word
for thou art not so long by the head as
honorificabilitu%dinitatibus:
Thou art easier swallowed then a flapdragon

Page. Peacethe peale begins

Brag. Mounsierare you not lettred?
Page. Yesyeshe teaches boyes the Horne-booke:
What is Ab speld backward with the horn on his head?
Peda. Bapuericia with a horne added

Pag. Ba most seely Sheepewith a horne: you heare
his learning

Peda. Quis quisthou Consonant?
Pag. The last of the fiue Vowels if You repeat them
or the fift if I

Peda. I will repeat them: a e I

Pag. The Sheepethe other two concludes it o u

Brag. Now by the salt waue of the mediteraniuma
sweet tutcha quicke venewe of witsnip snapquick &
homeit reioyceth my intellecttrue wit

Page. Offered by a childe to an olde man: which is
wit-old

Peda. What is the figure? What is the figure?
Page. Hornes


Peda. Thou disputes like an Infant: goe whip thy
Gigge

Pag. Lend me your Horne to make oneand I will
whip about your Infamie vnum cita a gigge of a Cuckolds
horne

Clow. And I had but one penny in the worldthou
shouldst haue it to buy Ginger bread: Holdthere is the
very Remuneration I had of thy Maisterthou halfpenny
purse of witthou Pidgeon-egge of discretion. O & the
heauens were so pleasedthat thou wert but my Bastard;


What a ioyfull father wouldst thou make mee? Goe to
thou hast it ad dungilat the fingers endsas they say

Peda. Oh I smell false Latinedunghel for vnguem

Brag. Arts-man preambulatwe will bee singled from
the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the Charghouse
on the top of the Mountaine?

Peda. Or Mons the hill

Brag. At your sweet pleasurefor the Mountaine

Peda. I doe sans question

Bra. Sirit is the Kings most sweet pleasure and affection
to congratulate the Princesse at her Pauilionin
the posteriors of this daywhich the rude multitude call
the after-noone

Ped. The posterior of the daymost generous siris liable
congruentand measurable for the after-noone: the
word is well culdchosesweetand apt I doe assure you
sirI doe assure

Brag. Sirthe King is a noble Gentlemanand my familiar
I doe assure ye very good friend: for what is inward
betweene vslet it passe. I doe beseech thee remember
thy curtesie. I beseech thee apparell thy head:
and among other importunate & most serious designes
and of great import indeed too: but let that passefor I
must tell thee it will please his Grace (by the world)
sometime to leane vpon my poore shoulderand with
his royall finger thus dallie with my excrementwith my
mustachio: but sweet heart let that passe. By the world
I recount no fablesome certaine speciall honours it
pleaseth his greatnesse to impart to Armado a Souldier
a man of trauellthat hath seene the world: but let that
passe; the very all of all is: but sweet heart I do implore
secreciethat the King would haue mee present the
Princesse (sweet chucke) with some delightfull ostentation
or showor pageantor antickeor fire-worke:
Nowvnderstanding that the Curate and your sweet self
are good at such eruptionsand sodaine breaking out of
myrth (as it were) I haue acquainted you withallto
the end to craue your assistance

Peda. Siryou shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
Sir Holofernesas concerning some entertainment
of timesome show in the posterior of this dayto bee
rendred by our assistants the Kings command: and this
most gallantillustrate and learned Gentlemanbefore
the Princesse: I say none so fit as to present the Nine
Worthies

Curat. Where will you finde men worthy enough to
present them?

Peda. Iosuayour selfe: my selfeand this gallant gentleman
Iudas Machabeus; this Swaine (because of his
great limme or ioynt) shall passe Pompey the greatthe
Page Hercules

Brag. Pardon sirerror: He is not quantitie enough
for that Worthies thumbhee is not so big as the end of
his Club


Peda. Shall I haue audience: he shall present Hercules
in minoritie: his enter and exit shall bee strangling a
Snake; and I will haue an Apologie for that purpose

Pag. An excellent deuice: so if any of the audience
hisseyou may cryWell done Herculesnow thou crushest
the Snake; that is the way to make an offence gracious
though few haue the grace to doe it

Brag. For the rest of the Worthies?
Peda. I will play three my selfe


Pag. Thrice worthy Gentleman

Brag. Shall I tell you a thing?
Peda. We attend


Brag. We will haueif this fadge notan Antique. I
beseech you follow

Ped. Via good-man Dullthou hast spoken no word
all this while

Dull. Nor vnderstood none neither sir

Ped. Alonewe will employ thee

Dull. Ile make one in a danceor so: or I will play
on the taber to the Worthies& let them dance the hey

Ped. Most Dullhonest Dullto our sport away.
Enter.

Enter Ladies.

Qu. Sweet hearts we shall be rich ere we depart
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A Lady wal'd about with Diamonds: Look youwhat I
haue from the louing King

Rosa. Madamcame nothing else along with that?

Qu. Nothing but this: yes as much loue in Rime
As would be cram'd vp in a sheet of paper
Writ on both sides the leafemargent and all
That he was faine to seale on Cupids name

Rosa. That was the way to make his god-head wax:
For he hath beene fiue thousand yeeres a Boy

Kath. Iand a shrewd vnhappy gallowes too

Ros. You'll nere be friends with hima kild your sister

Kath. He made her melancholysadand heauyand
so she died: had she beene Light like youof such a merrie
nimble stirring spiritshe might a bin a Grandam ere
she died. And so may you: For a light heart liues long

Ros. What's your darke meaning mouseof this light
word?
Kat. A light condition in a beauty darke

Ros. We need more light to finde your meaning out


Kat. You'll marre the light by taking it in snuffe:
Therefore Ile darkely end the argument

Ros. Look what you doeyou doe it stil i'th darke

Kat. So do not youfor you are a light Wench

Ros. Indeed I waigh not youand therefore light

Ka. You waigh me notO that's you care not for me

Ros. Great reason: for past careis still past cure

Qu. Well bandied botha set of Wit well played.
But Rosalineyou haue a Fauour too?
Who sent it? and what is it?

Ros. I would you knew.
And if my face were but as faire as yours
My Fauour were as greatbe witnesse this.
NayI haue Verses tooI thanke Berowne
The numbers trueand were the numbring too.
I were the fairest goddesse on the ground.
I am compar'd to twenty thousand fairs.
O he hath drawne my picture in his letter

Qu. Any thing like?
Ros. Much in the lettersnothing in the praise


Qu. Beauteous as Incke: a good conclusion

Kat. Faire as a text B. in a Coppie booke

Ros. Ware pensals. How? Let me not die your debtor
My red Dominicallmy golden letter.
O that your face were full of Oes

Qu. A Pox of that iestand I beshrew all Shrowes:
But Katherinewhat was sent to you
From faire Dumaine?

Kat. Madamethis Gloue

Qu. Did he not send you twaine?

Kat. Yes Madame: and moreouer
Some thousand Verses of a faithfull Louer.
A huge translation of hypocrisie
Vildly compiledprofound simplicitie

Mar. Thisand these Pearlsto me sent Longauile.
The Letter is too long by halfe a mile

Qu. I thinke no lesse: Dost thou wish in heart
The Chaine were longerand the Letter short

Mar. Ior I would these hands might neuer part

Quee. We are wise girles to mocke our Louers so

Ros. They are worse fooles to purchase mocking so.
That same Berowne ile torture ere I goe.
O that I knew he were but in by th' weeke
How I would make him fawneand beggeand seeke
And wait the seasonand obserue the times
And spend his prodigall wits in booteles rimes


And shape his seruice wholly to my deuice
And make him proud to make me proud that iests.
So pertaunt like would I o'resway his state
That he shold be my fooleand I his fate


Qu. None are so surely caughtwhen they are catcht

As Wit turn'd foolefollie in Wisedome hatch'd:

Hath wisedoms warrantand the helpe of Schoole

And Wits owne grace to grace a learned Foole?
Ros. The bloud of youth burns not with such excesse

As grauities reuolt to wantons be

Mar. Follie in Fooles beares not so strong a note

As fool'ry in the Wisewhen Wit doth dote:

Since all the power thereof it doth apply

To proue by Witworth in simplicitie.

Enter Boyet.

Qu. Heere comes Boyetand mirth in his face

Boy. O I am stab'd with laughterWher's her Grace?
Qu. Thy newes Boyet?
Boy. Prepare Madameprepare.

Arme Wenches armeincounters mounted are

Against your PeaceLoue doth approachdisguis'd:

Armed in argumentsyou'll be surpriz'd.

Muster your Witsstand in your owne defence

Or hide your heads like Cowardsand flie hence

Qu. Saint Dennis to S[aint]. Cupid: What are they
That charge their breath against vs? Say scout say

Boy. Vnder the coole shade of a Siccamore

I thought to close mine eyes some halfe an houre:

When lo to interrupt my purpos'd rest

Toward that shade I might behold addrest

The King and his companions: warely

I stole into a neighbour thicket by

And ouer-heardwhat you shall ouer-heare:

That by and by disguis'd they will be heere.

Their Herald is a pretty knauish Page:

That well by heart hath con'd his embassage

Action and accent did they teach him there.

Thus must thou speakeand thus thy body beare.

And euer and anon they made a doubt

Presence maiesticall would put him out:

For quoth the Kingan Angell shalt thou see:

Yet feare not thoubut speake audaciously.

The Boy reply'dAn Angell is not euill:

I should haue fear'd herhad she beene a deuill.

With that all laugh'dand clap'd him on the shoulder

Making the bold wagg by their praises bolder.

One rub'd his elboe thusand fleer'dand swore

A better speech was neuer spoke before.

Another with his finger and his thumb

Cry'd viawe will doo'tcome what will come.

The third he caper'd and criedAll goes well.

The fourth turn'd on the toeand downe he fell:

With that they all did tumble on the ground

With such a zelous laughter so profound

That in this spleene ridiculous appeares

To checke their folly passions solemne teares

Que. But whatbut whatcome they to visit vs?


Boy. They dothey do; and are apparel'd thus
Like Muscouites; or Russiansas I gesse.
Their purpose is to parleeto courtand dance
And euery one his Loue-feat will aduance
Vnto his seuerall mistresse: which they'll know
By fauours seuerallwhich they did bestow

Queen. And will they so? the Gallants shall be taskt:
For Ladies; we will euery one be maskt
And not a man of them shall haue the grace
Despight of suteto see a Ladies face.
Hold Rosalinethis Fauour thou shalt weare
And then the King will court thee for his Deare:
Holdtake thou this my sweetand giue me thine
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
And change your Fauours tooso shall your Loues
Woo contrarydeceiu'd by these remoues

Rosa. Come on thenweare the fauours most in sight

Kath. But in this changingWhat is your intent?

Queen. The effect of my intent is to crosse theirs:
They doe it but in mocking merriment
And mocke for mocke is onely my intent.
Their seuerall counsels they vnbosome shall
To Loues mistookeand so be mockt withall.
Vpon the next occasion that we meete
With Visages displayd to talke and greete

Ros. But shall we danceif they desire vs too't?

Quee. Noto the death we will not moue a foot
Nor to their pen'd speech render we no grace:
But while 'tis spokeeach turne away his face

Boy. Why that contempt will kill the keepers heart
And quite diuorce his memory from his part

Quee. Therefore I doe itand I make no doubt
The rest will ere come inif he be out.
Theres no such sportas sport by sport orethrowne:
To make theirs oursand ours none but our owne.
So shall we stay mocking entended game
And they well mocktdepart away with shame.

Sound.

Boy. The Trompet soundsbe masktthe maskers
come.
Enter Black moores with musickethe Boy with a speechand the
rest of
the Lords disguised.

Page. All hailethe richest Beauties on the earth

Ber. Beauties no richer then rich Taffata

Pag. A holy parcell of the fairest dames that euer turn'd
their backes to mortall viewes.

The Ladies turne their backes to him.

Ber. Their eyes villainetheir eyes

Pag. That euer turn'd their eyes to mortall viewes.


Out
Boy. Trueout indeed

Pag. Out of your fauours heauenly spirits vouchsafe
Not to beholde

Ber. Once to beholdrogue

Pag. Once to behold with your Sunne beamed eyes
With your Sunne beamed eyes

Boy. They will not answer to that Epythite
you were best call it Daughter beamed eyes

Pag. They do not marke meand that brings me out

Bero. Is this your perfectnesse? be gon you rogue

Rosa. What would these strangers?
Know their mindes Boyet.
If they doe speake our language'tis our will
That some plaine man recount their purposes.
Know what they would?

Boyet. What would you with the Princes?
Ber. Nothing but peaceand gentle visitation


Ros. What would theysay they?
Boy. Nothing but peaceand gentle visitation


Rosa. Why that they haueand bid them so be gon

Boy. She saies you haue itand you may be gon

Kin. Say to her we haue measur'd many miles
To tread a Measure with you on the grasse

Boy. They say that they haue measur'd many a mile
To tread a Measure with you on this grasse

Rosa. It is not so. Aske them how many inches
Is in one mile? If they haue measur'd manie
The measure then of one is easlie told

Boy. If to come hitheryou haue measur'd miles
And many miles: the Princesse bids you tell
How many inches doth fill vp one mile?

Ber. Tell her we measure them by weary steps

Boy. She heares her selfe

Rosa. How manie wearie steps
Of many wearie miles you haue ore-gone
Are numbred in the trauell of one mile?

Bero. We number nothing that we spend for you
Our dutie is so richso infinite
That we may doe it still without accompt.
Vouchsafe to shew the sunshine of your face
That we (like sauages) may worship it

Rosa. My face is but a Moone and clouded too

Kin. Blessed are cloudsto doe as such clouds do.
Vouchsafe bright Mooneand these thy stars to shine
(Those clouds remooued) vpon our waterie eyne


Rosa. O vaine peticionerbeg a greater matter
Thou now requests but Mooneshine in the water

Kin. Then in our measurevouchsafe but one change.
Thou bidst me beggethis begging is not strange

Rosa. Play musicke then: nay you must doe it soone.
Not yet no dance: thus change I like the Moone

Kin. Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
Rosa. You tooke the Moone at fullbut now shee's
changed?
Kin. Yet still she is the Mooneand I the Man

Rosa. The musick playesvouchsafe some motion to
it: Our eares vouchsafe it

Kin. But your legges should doe it

Ros. Since you are strangers& come here by chance
Wee'll not be nicetake handswe will not dance

Kin. Why take you hands then?
Rosa. Onelie to part friends.
Curtsie sweet heartsand so the Measure ends

Kin. More measure of this measurebe not nice

Rosa. We can afford no more at such a price

Kin. Prise your selues: What buyes your companie?
Rosa. Your absence onelie


Kin. That can neuer be

Rosa. Then cannot we be bought: and so adue
Twice to your Visoreand halfe once to you

Kin. If you denie to dancelet's hold more chat

Ros. In priuate then

Kin. I am best pleas'd with that

Be. White handed Mistrisone sweet word with thee

Qu. Honyand Milkeand Suger: there is three

Ber. Nay then two treyesan if you grow so nice
MetheglineWortand Malmsey; well runne dice:
There's halfe a dozen sweets

Qu. Seuenth sweet aduesince you can cogg
Ile play no more with you

Ber. One word in secret

Qu. Let it not be sweet

Ber. Thou greeu'st my gall

Qu. Gallbitter


Ber. Therefore meete

Du. Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
Mar. Name it


Dum. Faire Ladie:
Mar. Say you so? Faire Lord:
Take you that for your faire Lady

Du. Please it you
As much in priuateand Ile bid adieu

Mar. Whatwas your vizard made without a tong?
Long. I know the reason Ladie why you aske


Mar. O for your reasonquickly sirI long

Long. You haue a double tongue within your mask
And would affoord my speechlesse vizard halfe

Mar. Veale quoth the Dutch-man: is not Veale a

Calfe?
Long. A Calfe faire Ladie?
Mar. Noa faire Lord Calfe

Long. Let's part the word

Mar. NoIle not be your halfe:
Take all and weane itit may proue an Oxe

Long. Looke how you but your selfe in these sharpe
mockes.
Will you giue hornes chast Ladie? Do not so

Mar. Then die a Calfe before your horns do grow

Lon. One word in priuate with you ere I die

Mar. Bleat softly thenthe Butcher heares you cry

Boyet. The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the Razors edgeinuisible:
Cutting a smaller haire then may be seene
Aboue the sense of sence so sensible:
Seemeth their conferencetheir conceits haue wings
Fleeter then arrowsbullets windthoghtswifter things

Rosa. Not one word more my maidesbreake off
breake off

Ber. By heauenall drie beaten with pure scoffe

King. Farewell madde Wenchesyou haue simple
wits.

Exeunt.

Qu. Twentie adieus my frozen Muscouits.
Are these the breed of wits so wondred at?
Boyet. Tapers they arewith your sweete breathes
puft out

Rosa. Wel-liking wits they hauegrossegrossefatfat

Qu. O pouertie in witKingly poore flout.


Will they not (thinke you) hang themselues to night?
Or euer but in vizards shew their faces:
This pert Berowne was out of count'nance quite


Rosa. They were all in lamentable cases.
The King was weeping ripe for a good word

Qu. Berowne did sweare himselfe out of all suite

Mar. Dumaine was at my seruiceand his sword:
No point (quoth I:) my seruant straight was mute

Ka. Lord Longauill said I came ore his hart:
And trow you what he call'd me?
Qu. Qualme perhaps

Kat. Yes in good faith

Qu. Go sicknesse as thou art

Ros. Wellbetter wits haue worne plain statute caps
But will you heare; the King is my loue sworne

Qu. And quicke Berowne hath plighted faith to me

Kat. And Longauill was for my seruice borne

Mar. Dumaine is mine as sure as barke on tree

Boyet. Madamand prettie mistresses giue eare
Immediately they will againe be heere
In their owne shapes: for it can neuer be
They will digest this harsh indignitie

Qu. Will they returne?

Boy. They will they willGod knowes
And leape for ioythough they are lame with blowes:
Therefore change Fauoursand when they repaire
Blow like sweet Rosesin this summer aire

Qu. How blow? how blow? Speake to bee vnderstood

Boy. Faire Ladies masktare Roses in their bud:
Dismaskttheir damaske sweet commixture showne
Are Angels vailing cloudsor Roses blowne

Qu. Auant perplexitie: What shall we do
If they returne in their owne shapes to wo?

Rosa. Good Madamif by me you'l be aduis'd.
Let's mocke them still as well knowne as disguis'd:
Let vs complaine to them what fooles were heare
Disguis'd like Muscouites in shapelesse geare:
And wonder what they wereand to what end
Their shallow showesand Prologue vildely pen'd:
And their rough carriage so ridiculous
Should be presented at our Tent to vs

Boyet. Ladieswithdraw: the gallants are at hand

Quee. Whip to our Tentsas Roes runnes ore Land.

Exeunt.

Enter the King and the rest.


King. Faire sirGod saue you. Wher's the Princesse?
Boy. Gone to her Tent.
Please it your Maiestie command me any seruice to her?
King. That she vouchsafe me audience for one word

Boy. I willand so will sheI know my Lord.
Enter.

Ber. This fellow pickes vp wit as Pigeons pease
And vtters it againewhen Ioue doth please.
He is Wits Pedlerand retailes his Wares
At Wakesand WasselsMeetingsMarketsFaires.
And we that sell by grossethe Lord doth know
Haue not the grace to grace it with such show.
This Gallant pins the Wenches on his sleeue.
Had he bin Adamhe had tempted Eue.
He can carue tooand lispe: Why this is he
That kist away his hand in courtesie.
This is the Ape of FormeMonsieur the nice
That when he plaies at Tableschides the Dice
In honorable tearmes: Nay he can sing
A meane most meanlyand in Vshering
Mend him who can: the Ladies call him sweete.
The staires as he treads on them kisse his feete.
This is the flower that smiles on euerie one
To shew his teeth as white as Whales bone.
And consciences that wil not die in debt
Pay him the dutie of honie-tongued Boyet

King. A blister on his sweet tongue with my hart
That put Armathoes Page out of his part.
Enter the Ladies.

Ber. See where it comes. Behauiour what wer't thou
Till this madman shew'd thee? And what art thou now?
King. All haile sweet Madameand faire time of day

Qu. Faire in all Haile is fouleas I conceiue

King. Construe my speeches betterif you may

Qu. Then wish me betterI wil giue you leaue

King. We came to visit youand purpose now
To leade you to our Courtvouchsafe it then

Qu. This field shal hold meand so hold your vow:
Nor Godnor Idelights in periur'd men

King. Rebuke me not for that which you prouoke:
The vertue of your eie must breake my oth

Q. You nickname vertue: vice you should haue spoke:
For vertues office neuer breakes men troth.
Now by my maiden honoryet as pure
As the vnsallied LillyI protest
A world of torments though I should endure
I would not yeeld to be your houses guest:
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heauenly oathsvow'd with integritie
Kin. O you haue liu'd in desolation heere
Vnseenevnuisitedmuch to our shame


Qu. Not so my Lordit is not so I sweare
We haue had pastimes heereand pleasant game
A messe of Russians left vs but of late

Kin. How Madam? Russians?
Qu. I in truthmy Lord.
Trim gallantsfull of Courtship and of state

Rosa. Madam speake true. It is not so my Lord:
My Ladie (to the manner of the daies)
In curtesie giues vndeseruing praise.
We foure indeed confronted were with foure
In Russia habit: Heere they stayed an houre
And talk'd apace: and in that houre (my Lord)
They did not blesse vs with one happy word.
I dare not call them fooles; but this I thinke
When they are thirstiefooles would faine haue drinke

Ber. This iest is drie to me. Gentle sweete
Your wits makes wise things foolish when we greete
With eies best seeingheauens fierie eie:
By light we loose light; your capacitie
Is of that naturethat to your huge stoore
Wise things seeme foolishand rich things but poore

Ros. This proues you wise and rich: for in my eie
Ber. I am a fooleand full of pouertie

Ros. But that you take what doth to you belong
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue

Ber. OI am yoursand all that I possesse

Ros. All the foole mine

Ber. I cannot giue you lesse

Ros. Which of the Vizards what it that you wore?
Ber. Where? when? What Vizard?
Why demand you this?
Ros. Therethenthat vizardthat superfluous case
That hid the worseand shew'd the better face

Kin. We are discried
They'l mocke vs now downeright

Du. Let vs confesseand turne it to a iest

Que. Amaz'd my Lord? Why lookes your Highnes
sadde?

Rosa. Helpe hold his broweshee'l sound: why looke
you pale?
Sea-sicke I thinke comming from Muscouie

Ber. Thus poure the stars down plagues for periury.
Can any face of brasse hold longer out?
Heere stand ILadie dart thy skill at me
Bruise me with scorneconfound me with a flout.
Thrust thy sharpe wit quite through my ignorance.
Cut me to peeces with thy keene conceit:
And I will wish thee neuer more to dance
Nor neuer more in Russian habit waite.
O! neuer will I trust to speeches pen'd


Nor to the motion of a Schoole-boies tongue.
Nor neuer come in vizard to my friend
Nor woo in rime like a blind-harpers songue
Taffata phrasessilken tearmes precise
Three-pil'd Hyperbolesspruce affection;
Figures pedanticallthese summer flies
Haue blowne me full of maggot ostentation.
I do forsweare themand I heere protest
By this white Gloue (how white the hand God knows)
Henceforth my woing minde shall be exprest
In russet yeasand honest kersie noes.
And to begin Wenchso God helpe me law
My loue to thee is soundsans cracke or flaw


Rosa. SanssansI pray you

Ber. Yet I haue a tricke
Of the old rage: beare with meI am sicke.
Ile leaue it by degrees: softlet vs see
Write Lord haue mercie on vson those three
They are infectedin their hearts it lies:
They haue the plagueand caught it of your eyes:
These Lords are visitedyou are not free:
For the Lords tokens on you do I see

Qu. Nothey are free that gaue these tokens to vs

Ber. Our states are forfeitseeke not to vndo vs

Ros. It is not so; for how can this be true
That you stand forfeitbeing those that sue

Ber. Peacefor I will not haue to do with you

Ros. Nor shall notif I do as I intend

Ber. Speake for your seluesmy wit is at an end

King. Teach vs sweete Madamefor our rude transgression
some faire excuse

Qu. The fairest is confession.
Were you not heere but euen nowdisguis'd?
Kin. MadamI was

Qu. And were you well aduis'd?
Kin. I was faire Madam


Qu. When you then were heere

What did you whisper in your Ladies eare?
King. That more then all the world I did respect her
Qu. When shee shall challenge thisyou will reiect

her

King. Vpon mine Honor no

Qu. Peacepeaceforbeare:
Your oath once brokeyou force not to forsweare

King. Despise me when I breake this oath of mine

Qu. I willand therefore keepe it. Rosaline
What did the Russian whisper in your eare?
Ros. Madamhe swore that he did hold me deare
As precious eye-sightand did value me


Aboue this World: adding thereto moreouer
That he would Wed meor else die my Louer

Qu. God giue thee ioy of him: the Noble Lord
Most honorably doth vphold his word

King. What meane you Madame?
By my lifemy troth
I neuer swore this Ladie such an oth

Ros. By heauen you did; and to confirme it plaine
You gaue me this: But take it sir againe

King. My faith and thisthe Princesse I did giue
I knew her by this Iewell on her sleeue

Qu. Pardon me sirthis Iewell did she weare.
And Lord Berowne (I thanke him) is my deare.
What? Will you haue meor your Pearle againe?

Ber. Neither of eitherI remit both twaine.
I see the tricke on't: Heere was a consent
Knowing aforehand of our merriment
To dash it like a Christmas Comedie.
Some carry-talesome please-mansome slight Zanie
Some mumble-newessome trencher-knightsom Dick
That smiles his cheeke in yearesand knowes the trick
To make my Lady laughwhen she's dispos'd;
Told our intents before: which once disclos'd
The Ladies did change Fauours; and then we
Following the signeswoo'd but the signe of she.
Now to our periurieto adde more terror
We are againe forsworne in will and error.
Much vpon this tis: and might not you
Forestall our sportto make vs thus vntrue?
Do not you know my Ladies foot by'th squier?
And laugh vpon the apple of her eie?
And stand betweene her backe sirand the fire
Holding a trencheriesting merrilie?
You put our Page out: goyou are alowd.
Die when you willa smocke shall be your shrowd.
You leere vpon medo you? There's an eie
Wounds like a Leaden sword

Boy. Full merrily hath this braue managerthis carreere
bene run

Ber. Loehe is tilting straight. PeaceI haue don.
Enter Clowne.

Welcome pure witthou part'st a faire fray

Clo. O Lord sirthey would kno
Whether the three worthies shall come inor no

Ber. Whatare there but three?
Clo. No sirbut it is vara fine
For euerie one pursents three

Ber. And three times thrice is nine

Clo. Not so sirvnder correction sirI hope it is not so.
You cannot beg vs sirI can assure you sirwe know what
we know: I hope sir three times thrice sir


Ber. Is not nine

Clo. Vnder correction sirwee know where-vntill it
doth amount

Ber. By IoueI alwaies tooke three threes for nine

Clow. O Lord sirit were pittie you should get your
liuing by reckning sir

Ber. How much is it?

Clo. O Lord sirthe parties themseluesthe actors sir
will shew where-vntill it doth amount: for mine owne
partI am (as they saybut to perfect one man in one
poore man) Pompion the great sir

Ber. Art thou one of the Worthies?

Clo. It pleased them to thinke me worthie of Pompey
the great: for mine owne partI know not the degree of
the Worthiebut I am to stand for him

Ber. Gobid them prepare.
Enter.

Clo. We will turne it finely off sirwe wil take some
care

King. Berownethey will shame vs:
Let them not approach

Ber. We are shame-proofe my Lord: and 'tis some
policieto haue one shew worse then the Kings and his
companie

Kin. I say they shall not come

Qu. Nay my good Lordlet me ore-rule you now;
That sport best pleasesthat doth least know how.
Where Zeale striues to contentand the contents
Dies in the Zeale of that which it presents:
Their forme confoundedmakes most forme in mirth
When great things labouring perish in their birth

Ber. A right description of our sport my Lord.
Enter Braggart.

Brag. AnnointedI implore so much expence of thy
royall sweet breathas will vtter a brace of words

Qu. Doth this man serue God?
Ber. Why aske you?
Qu. He speak's not like a man of God's making


Brag. That's all one my faire sweet honie Monarch:
For I protestthe Schoolmaster is exceeding fantasticall:
Too too vainetoo too vaine. But we wil put it (as they
say) to Fortuna delaguarI wish you the peace of minde
most royall cupplement

King. Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies;
He presents Hector of Troythe Swaine Pompey y great
the Parish Curate AlexanderArmadoes Page Hercules
the Pedant Iudas Machabeus: and if these foure Worthies
in their first shew thriuethese foure will change


habitesand present the other fiue

Ber. There is fiue in the first shew

Kin. You are deceiuedtis not so

Ber. The Pedantthe Braggartthe Hedge-Priestthe
Fooleand the Boy
Abate throw at Novumand the whole world againe
Cannot pricke out fiue suchtake each one in's vaine

Kin. The ship is vnder saileand here she coms amain.
Enter Pompey.

Clo. I Pompey am

Ber. You lieyou are not he

Clo. I Pompey am

Boy. With Libbards head on knee

Ber. Well said old mocker
I must needs be friends with thee

Clo. I Pompey amPompey surnam'd the big

Du. The great

Clo. It is great sir: Pompey surnam'd the great:
That oft in fieldwith Targe and Shield
did make my foe to sweat:
And trauailing along this coastI heere am come by chance
And lay my Armes before the legs of this sweet Lasse of
France.
If your Ladiship would say thankes PompeyI had done

La. Great thankes great Pompey

Clo. Tis not so much worth: but I hope I was perfect.
I made a little fault in great

Ber. My hat to a halfe-peniePompey prooues the
best Worthie.
Enter Curate for Alexander.

Curat. When in the world I liu'dI was the worldes Commander:
By EastWestNorth& SouthI spred my conquering might
My Scutcheon plaine declares that I am Alisander

Boiet. Your nose saies noyou are not:
For it stands too right

Ber. Your nose smells noin this most tender smelling
Knight

Qu. The Conqueror is dismaid:
Proceede good Alexander

Cur. When in the world I liuedI was the worldes Commander

Boiet. Most true'tis right; you were so Alisander

Ber. Pompey the great


Clo. your seruant and Costard

Ber. Take away the Conquerortake away Alisander

Clo. O siryou haue ouerthrowne Alisander the conqueror:
you will be scrap'd out of the painted cloth for
this: your Lion that holds his Pollax sitting on a close
stoolewill be giuen to Aiax. He will be the ninth worthie.
A Conquerorand affraid to speake? Runne away
for shame Alisander. There an't shall please you: a foolish
milde manan honest manlooke you& soon dasht.
He is a maruellous good neighbour insoothand a verie
good Bowler: but for Alisanderalas you seehow 'tis a
little ore-parted. But there are Worthies a comming
will speake their minde in some other sort.

Exit Cu.

Qu. Stand aside good Pompey.
Enter Pedant for Iudasand the Boy for Hercules.

Ped. Great Hercules is presented by this Impe
Whose Club kil'd Cerberus that three-headed Canus
And when he was a babea childea shrimpe
Thus did he strangle Serpents in his Manus:
Quoniamhe seemeth in minoritie
ErgoI come with this Apologie.
Keepe some state in thy exitand vanish.

Exit Boy

Ped. Iudas I am

Dum. A Iudas?
Ped. Not Iscariot sir.
Iudas I amycliped Machabeus

Dum. Iudas Machabeus cliptis plaine Iudas

Ber. A kissing traitor. How art thou prou'd Iudas?
Ped. Iudas I am


Dum. The more shame for you Iudas

Ped. What meane you sir?
Boi. To make Iudas hang himselfe


Ped. Begin siryou are my elder

Ber. Well follow'dIudas was hang'd on an Elder

Ped. I will not be put out of countenance

Ber. Because thou hast no face

Ped. What is this?
Boi. A Citterne head


Dum. The head of a bodkin

Ber. A deaths face in a ring

Lon. The face of an old Roman coinescarce seene


Boi. The pummell of Cæsars Faulchion
Dum. The caru'd-bone face on a Flaske
Ber. S[aint]. Georges halfe cheeke in a brooch
Dum. Iand in a brooch of Lead
Ber. Iand worne in the cap of a Tooth-drawer.


And now forwardfor we haue put thee in countenance
Ped. You haue put me out of countenance
Ber. Falsewe haue giuen thee faces
Ped. But you haue out-fac'd them all
Ber. And thou wer't a Lionwe would do so
Boy. Therefore as he isan Asselet him go:
And so adieu sweet Iude. Naywhy dost thou stay?
Dum. For the latter end of his name
Ber. For the Asse to the Iude: giue it him. Iudas away
Ped. This is not generousnot gentlenot humble
Boy. A light for monsieur Iudasit growes darkehe
may stumble

Que. Alas poore Machabeushow hath hee beene
baited.
Enter Braggart.

Ber. Hide thy head Achillesheere comes Hector in
Armes
Dum. Though my mockes come home by meI will
now be merrie
King. Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this
Boi. But is this Hector?
Kin. I thinke Hector was not so cleane timber'd
Lon. His legge is too big for Hector
Dum. More Calfe certaine
Boi. Nohe is best indued in the small
Ber. This cannot be Hector
Dum. He's a God or a Painterfor he makes faces
Brag. The Armipotent Marsof Launces the almighty
gaue Hector a gift
Dum. A gilt Nutmegge
Ber. A Lemmon
Lon. Stucke with Cloues
Dum. No clouen


Brag. The Armipotent Mars of Launces the almighty
Gaue Hector a giftthe heire of Illion;
A man so breathedthat certaine he would fight: yea
From morne till nightout of his Pauillion.
I am that Flower

Dum. That Mint

Long. That Cullambine

Brag. Sweet Lord Longauill reine thy tongue

Lon. I must rather giue it the reine: for it runnes against
Hector

Dum. Iand Hector's a Grey-hound

Brag. The sweet War-man is dead and rotten
Sweet chuckesbeat not the bones of the buried:
But I will forward with my deuice;
Sweete Royaltie bestow on me the sence of hearing.

Berowne steppes forth.

Qu. Speake braue Hectorwe are much delighted

Brag. i do adore thy sweet Graces slipper

Boy. Loues her by the foot

Dum. He may not by the yard

Brag. This Hector farre surmounted Hanniball.
The partie is gone

Clo. Fellow Hectorshe is gone; she is two moneths
on her way

Brag. What meanest thou?

Clo. Faith vnlesse you play the honest Troyanthe
poore Wench is cast away: she's quickthe child brags
in her belly alreadie: tis yours

Brag. Dost thou infamonize me among Potentates?
Thou shalt die

Clo. Then shall Hector be whipt for Iaquenetta that
is quicke by himand hang'd for Pompeythat is dead by
him

Dum. Most rare Pompey

Boi. Renowned Pompey

Ber. Greater then greatgreatgreatgreat Pompey:
Pompey the huge

Dum. Hector trembles

Ber. Pompey is mouedmore Atees more Atees stirre
themor stirre them on

Dum. Hector will challenge him


Ber. Iif a'haue no more mans blood in's bellythen
will sup a Flea

Brag. By the North-pole I do challenge thee

Clo. I wil not fight with a pole like a Northern man;
Ile slashIle do it by the sword: I pray you let mee borrow
my Armes againe

Dum. Roome for the incensed Worthies

Clo. Ile do it in my shirt

Dum. Most resolute Pompey

Page. Masterlet me take you a button hole lower:
Do you not see Pompey is vncasing for the combat: what
meane you? you will lose your reputation

Brag. Gentlemen and Souldiers pardon meI will
not combat in my shirt

Du. You may not denie itPompey hath made the
challenge

Brag. Sweet bloodsI both mayand will

Ber. What reason haue you for't?
Brag. The naked truth of it isI haue no shirt
I go woolward for penance

Boy. Trueand it was inioyned him in Rome for want
of Linnen: since whenIle be sworne he wore nonebut
a dishclout of Iaquenettasand that hee weares next his
heart for a fauour.
Enter a MessengerMonsieur Marcade.

Mar. God saue you Madame

Qu. Welcome Marcadebut that thou interruptest
our merriment

Marc. I am sorrie Madamfor the newes I bring is
heauie in my tongue. The King your father
Qu. Dead for my life

Mar. Euen so: My tale is told

Ber. Worthies awaythe Scene begins to cloud

Brag. For mine owne partI breath free breath: I
haue seene the day of wrongthrough the little hole of
discretionand I will right my selfe like a Souldier.

Exeunt. Worthies

Kin. How fare's your Maiestie?

Qu. Boyet prepareI will away to night

Kin. Madame not soI do beseech you stay

Qu. Prepare I say. I thanke you gracious Lords
For all your faire endeuours and entreats:


Out of a new sad-soulethat you vouchsafe
In your rich wisedome to excuseor hide
The liberall opposition of our spirits
If ouer-boldly we haue borne our selues
In the conuerse of breath (your gentlenesse
Was guiltie of it.) Farewell worthie Lord:
A heauie heart beares not a humble tongue.
Excuse me socomming so short of thankes
For my great suiteso easily obtain'd


Kin. The extreme parts of timeextremelie formes

All causes to the purpose of his speed:

And often at his verie loose decides

Thatwhich long processe could not arbitrate.

And though the mourning brow of progenie

Forbid the smiling curtesie of Loue:

The holy suite which faine it would conuince

Yet since loues argument was first on foote

Let not the cloud of sorrow iustle it

From what it purpos'd: since to waile friends lost

Is not by much so wholsome profitable

As to reioyce at friends but newly found

Qu. I vnderstand you notmy greefes are double

Ber. Honest plain wordsbest pierce the ears of griefe

And by these badges vnderstand the King

For your faire sakes haue we neglected time

Plaid foule play with our oaths: your beautie Ladies

Hath much deformed vsfashioning our humors

Euen to the opposed end of our intents.

And what in vs hath seem'd ridiculous:

As Loue is full of vnbefitting straines

All wanton as a childeskipping and vaine.

Form'd by the eieand therefore like the eie.

Full of straying shapesof habitsand of formes

Varying in subiects as the eie doth roule

To euerie varied obiect in his glance:

Which partie-coated presence of loose loue

Put on by vsif in your heauenly eies

Haue misbecom'd our oathes and grauities.

Those heauenlie eies that looke into these faults

Suggested vs to make: therefore Ladies

Our loue being yoursthe error that Loue makes

Is likewise yours. We to our selues proue false

By being once falsefor euer to be true

To those that make vs bothfaire Ladies you.

And euen that falshood in it selfe a sinne

Thus purifies it selfeand turnes to grace

Qu. We haue receiu'd your Lettersfull of Loue:

Your Fauoursthe Ambassadors of Loue.

And in our maiden counsaile rated them

At courtshippleasant iestand curtesie

As bumbast and as lining to the time:

But more deuout then these are our respects

Haue we not beneand therefore met your loues

In their owne fashionlike a merriment

Du. Our letters Madamshew'd much more then iest

Lon. So did our lookes

Rosa. We did not coat them so


Kin. Now at the latest minute of the houre
Grant vs your loues

Qu. A time me thinkes too short
To make a world-without-end bargaine in:
Nono my Lordyour Grace is periur'd much
Full of deare guiltinesseand therefore this:
If for my Loue (as there is no such cause)
You will do oughtthis shall you do for me.
Your oth I will not trust: but go with speed
To some forlorne and naked Hermitage
Remote from all the pleasures of the world:
There stayvntill the twelue Celestiall Signes
Haue brought about their annuall reckoning.
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heate of blood:
If frostsand fastshard lodgingand thin weeds
Nip not the gaudie blossomes of your Loue
But that it beare this trialland last loue:
Then at the expiration of the yeare
Come challenge mechallenge me by these deserts
And by this Virgin palmenow kissing thine
I will be thine: and till that instant shut
My wofull selfe vp in a mourning house
Raining the teares of lamentation
For the remembrance of my Fathers death.
If this thou do denielet our hands part
Neither intitled in the others hart

Kin. If thisor more then thisI would denie
To flatter vp these powers of mine with rest
The sodaine hand of death close vp mine eie.
Hence euer thenmy heart is in thy brest

Ber. And what to me my Loue? and what to me?

Ros. You must be purged tooyour sins are rack'd.
You are attaint with faults and periurie:
Therefore if you my fauor meane to get
A tweluemonth shall you spendand neuer rest
But seeke the wearie beds of people sicke

Du. But what to me my loue? but what to me?
Kat. A wife? a beardfaire healthand honestie
With three-fold loueI wish you all these three

Du. O shall I sayI thanke you gentle wife?

Kat. Not so my Lorda tweluemonth and a day
Ile marke no words that smoothfac'd wooers say.
Come when the King doth to my Ladie come:
Then if I haue much loueIle giue you some

Dum. Ile serue thee true and faithfully till then

Kath. Yet sweare notleast ye be forsworne agen

Lon. What saies Maria?
Mari. At the tweluemonths end
Ile change my blacke Gownefor a faithfull friend

Lon. Ile stay with patience: but the time is long

Mari. The liker youfew taller are so yong


Ber. Studies my Ladie? Mistresselooke on me
Behold the window of my heartmine eie:
What humble suite attends thy answer there
Impose some seruice on me for my loue

Ros. Oft haue I heard of you my Lord Berowne
Before I saw you: and the worlds large tongue
Proclaimes you for a man repleate with mockes
Full of comparisonsand wounding floutes:
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercie of your wit.
To weed this Wormewood from your fruitfull braine
And therewithall to win meif you please
Without the which I am not to be won:
You shall this tweluemonth terme from day to day
Visit the speechlesse sickeand still conuerse
With groaning wretches: and your taske shall be
With all the fierce endeuour of your wit
To enforce the pained impotent to smile

Ber. To moue wilde laughter in the throate of death?
It cannot beit is impossible.
Mirth cannot moue a soule in agonie

Ros. Why that's the way to choke a gibing spirit
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers giue to fooles:
A iests prosperitielies in the eare
Of him that heares itneuer in the tongue
Of him that makes it: thenif sickly eares
Deaft with the clamors of their owne deare grones
Will heare your idle scornes; continue then
And I will haue youand that fault withall.
But if they will notthrow away that spirit
And I shal finde you emptie of that fault
Right ioyfull of your reformation

Ber. A tweluemonth? Well: befall what will befall
Ile iest a tweluemonth in an Hospitall

Qu. I sweet my Lordand so I take my leaue

King. No Madamwe will bring you on your way

Ber. Our woing doth not end like an old Play:
Iacke hath not Gill: these Ladies courtesie
Might wel haue made our sport a Comedie

Kin. Come sirit wants a tweluemonth and a day
And then 'twil end

Ber. That's too long for a play.
Enter Braggart.

Brag. Sweet Maiesty vouchsafe me

Qu. Was not that Hector?
Dum. The worthie Knight of Troy


Brag. I wil kisse thy royal fingerand take leaue.
I am a VotarieI haue vow'd to Iaquenetta to holde the
Plough for her sweet loue three yeares. But most esteemed
greatnessewil you heare the Dialogue that the two
Learned men haue compiledin praise of the Owle and


the Cuckow? It should haue followed in the end of our
shew

Kin. Call them forth quickelywe will do so

Brag. HollaApproach.
Enter all.

This side is HiemsWinter.
This Verthe Spring: the one maintained by the Owle
Th' other by the Cuckow.
Verbegin.


The Song.


When Dasies piedand Violets blew
And Cuckow-buds of yellow hew:
And Ladie-smockes all siluer white
Do paint the Medowes with delight.
The Cuckow then on euerie tree
Mockes married menfor thus sings he
Cuckow.
CuckowCuckow: O word of feare
Vnpleasing to a married eare.
When Shepheards pipe on Oaten strawes
And merrie Larkes are Ploughmens clockes:
When Turtles treadand Rookes and Dawes
And Maidens bleach their summer smockes:
The Cuckow then on euerie tree
Mockes married men; for thus sings he
Cuckow.
CuckowCuckow: O word of feare
Vnpleasing to a married eare


Winter. When Isicles hang by the wall
And Dicke the Shepheard blowes his naile;
And Tom beares Logges into the hall
And Milke comes frozen home in paile:
When blood is niptand waies be fowle
Then nightly sings the staring Owle
Tuwhit towho.
A merrie note
While greasie Ione doth keele the pot.
When all aloud the winde doth blow
And coffing drownes the Parsons saw:
And birds sit brooding in the snow
And Marrians nose lookes red and raw:
When roasted Crabs hisse in the bowle
Then nightly sings the staring Owle
Tuwhit towho:
A merrie note
While greasie Ione doth keele the pot

Brag. The Words of Mercurie
Are harsh after the songs of Apollo:
You that way; we this way.

Exeunt. omnes.

FINIS. Loues Labour's lost.